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How to talk to wife about money?

Hey,
I would like to learn talk to my wife about money without it leading to an argument.
We've been together since our (wilder) teens. Now late thirties. I have always worked for her father and now run his small business with her brother.
I'm the breadwinner. She stays home and homeschools our kids.
She has always controlled the household bill paying . With very few exceptions I feel she does a good job of making sure things get paid and we have enough left over for good food, decent clothing for the kids and a little extra when things are going well.
Without getting overly long here, during the financial/auto crisis we hit rock bottom but managed to save the marriage, house(mortgage) and business after coming just days away from bankruptcy.
I love my wife deeply and have always been sort of co-dependent, deferring to her conservative sensibilities. But I need to step up and be involved in a mature manner with the doling out of funds.
And right now I feel like there is nothing at all extra even when I'm making close to $100k. And that could be the case, but right now I'm in the dark. While ignorance mostly bliss, I'm losing my mind wondering where it all goes. So any encouraging words on how to be competent , understanding and most of all how not turn into a ********* of the highest order when I say "so, I thought I might want to start helping mail out the bills" that would be great.

Thanks

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