My wife and I have been married for almost ten years now. We were virgins until marriage. We had a long honeymoon period, waiting several years to have kids. My problem is that in all the time we have been married my wife has never had an orgasm. In fact she has never had one at all. It is killing me, makes me feel like a wimpy man failure. I don't know what I am doing wrong or what I can do better. I know that my insecurity on the subject doesn't help and I feel like I am not aloud to ask her for help. It has become the elephant in the corner, she doesn't like to talk about it because it puts too much pressure on her. I can probably count on one hand the number of times we have tried to discuss it and she always answers with and aggravated look on her face, "don't worry about it, I like sex", or "I read that some women just aren't able too".
She won't use toys.
She doesn't let me go down on her but once or twice a year and when I do it doesn't last more than a few minutes. Before she asks for me to enter her instead. Most of the time she only lets me because I am begging for it. She says' "she is too self conscious about smells and tastes to relax and enjoy it." Probably i am just really bad at it. Lack of practice I would argue.
She does not self pleasure without me around and is very hesitant to do it with me watching, even though I tell her I love it and am very turned on by it. But, when she does do it, at the moment I think its going to work for her she will stop and ask for my ****. I will plead for her to continue but she won't.
I am feeling like a huge failure. I have thoughts of going elsewhere just to satisfy the idea that it isn't really my fault. (not healthy). I would trade everything I own to give that gift to my wife. I am also feeling a bit paranoid that she is intentionally denying herself of it, but I cannot come up with a reasonable explanation of why she would do that. And my hope is once she has one, she will want more, which will greatly improve our increasingly typically bland rather routine encounters.
Any advice on how to start a real and productive conversation, or how to get there without any further talk on the matter?
She won't use toys.
She doesn't let me go down on her but once or twice a year and when I do it doesn't last more than a few minutes. Before she asks for me to enter her instead. Most of the time she only lets me because I am begging for it. She says' "she is too self conscious about smells and tastes to relax and enjoy it." Probably i am just really bad at it. Lack of practice I would argue.
She does not self pleasure without me around and is very hesitant to do it with me watching, even though I tell her I love it and am very turned on by it. But, when she does do it, at the moment I think its going to work for her she will stop and ask for my ****. I will plead for her to continue but she won't.
I am feeling like a huge failure. I have thoughts of going elsewhere just to satisfy the idea that it isn't really my fault. (not healthy). I would trade everything I own to give that gift to my wife. I am also feeling a bit paranoid that she is intentionally denying herself of it, but I cannot come up with a reasonable explanation of why she would do that. And my hope is once she has one, she will want more, which will greatly improve our increasingly typically bland rather routine encounters.
Any advice on how to start a real and productive conversation, or how to get there without any further talk on the matter?
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