Our 11 year marriage (one 5 year old boy) is strained because of a single question: For job reasons, should we stay in California (not great so far for her, good for me) or move to Georgia (apparently better for her, not good for me)?
As she earns more than me being a physician (~275K vs my ~140K), she is hellbent on moving to Atlanta as she does not like the current practice she is working with, and has a close physician friend working in Atlanta. I have a good job in the software industry here that I do not want to leave...and having turned forty it will be harder to find a comparable position outside of Silicon Valley even if it is in Atlanta....so I will not leave my job.
My opinion is that she has not tried hard enough to find a good practice here, and has given up far too soon after a single interview. There are over 40 openings in the state (yes, this is a big figure considering her Obgyn specialty) including 10 within 100 miles yet she has not bothered to try for them...
This difference in opinion has hardened our stances. If my wife decides to leave California and move to East Coast, our marriage is finished, so I will have no option but to approach a lawyer, file for divorce and stop her from leaving without a proper visitation arrangement and maybe get her to pay for the trips too, considering she chose to leave the state unilaterally. Her concern is that I will somehow prevent her from taking my son with her, which is not true. I want to ensure our son gets enough time to spend with me if we are on opposite coasts. But she is scared of lawyers and suspects the worst.
This probably manifests itself in being over-protective towards our son and defensive....to the point that there were signs of parental alienation (asking leading questions to our son:"Who is your best friend, daddy or mamma?", etc). After my loud protests, she has backed off and uses phrases like "Daddy and me both love you"....but I can see that underlying tension is still present.
Son once said "Daddy hit me" which shocked me to tears but this did not happen again (see my thread in Parenting section). He was keen on me reading to his Montessori class which I did today where I spent a couple of hours...
I have bought a voice recorder to record conversations to safeguard myself in future...
My question is: has anyone here been successful in cases where the wife earns more (a lot more) than the husband yet they have an EQUAL marriage, meaning husband is not a sissy and stands up for himself? If so, what would they do in my situation?
As she earns more than me being a physician (~275K vs my ~140K), she is hellbent on moving to Atlanta as she does not like the current practice she is working with, and has a close physician friend working in Atlanta. I have a good job in the software industry here that I do not want to leave...and having turned forty it will be harder to find a comparable position outside of Silicon Valley even if it is in Atlanta....so I will not leave my job.
My opinion is that she has not tried hard enough to find a good practice here, and has given up far too soon after a single interview. There are over 40 openings in the state (yes, this is a big figure considering her Obgyn specialty) including 10 within 100 miles yet she has not bothered to try for them...
This difference in opinion has hardened our stances. If my wife decides to leave California and move to East Coast, our marriage is finished, so I will have no option but to approach a lawyer, file for divorce and stop her from leaving without a proper visitation arrangement and maybe get her to pay for the trips too, considering she chose to leave the state unilaterally. Her concern is that I will somehow prevent her from taking my son with her, which is not true. I want to ensure our son gets enough time to spend with me if we are on opposite coasts. But she is scared of lawyers and suspects the worst.
This probably manifests itself in being over-protective towards our son and defensive....to the point that there were signs of parental alienation (asking leading questions to our son:"Who is your best friend, daddy or mamma?", etc). After my loud protests, she has backed off and uses phrases like "Daddy and me both love you"....but I can see that underlying tension is still present.
Son once said "Daddy hit me" which shocked me to tears but this did not happen again (see my thread in Parenting section). He was keen on me reading to his Montessori class which I did today where I spent a couple of hours...
I have bought a voice recorder to record conversations to safeguard myself in future...
My question is: has anyone here been successful in cases where the wife earns more (a lot more) than the husband yet they have an EQUAL marriage, meaning husband is not a sissy and stands up for himself? If so, what would they do in my situation?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment