I take IB in Japan. It began two years ago and I'm taking the IB exams next next week. However, I've been feeling very sick about this girl that I once dated in the past.
So in this Japanese High School, I belong to a club activity called brass band with non-IB, normal Japanese High School students. I started to like this girl in this club. When IB began, I told her that I liked her and she became my girlfriend. It was one of the best moments of my life. Holding hands, going back home... I thought everything was gonna go well, but it didn't last long. I was dumped :P
At first, I was confused, but I started to reflect back on myself and felt ashamed of the fact that I couldn't do much for her. I was being too dependent on her. Over time, I thought about so many ways of getting her back. The best thing I could think of was to show how independent I have become and to show her that I have changed.
Even though the studies in IB became harder, I made sure to attend club and participate readily unlike before. Still, I had to take a break away from club as IB became too hard. The only thing I could do then was to study my butt off. During this period, from a predicted of 35 in IB, I increased it to 43. Yesterday, I applied for Imperial College London and other good schools that I never imagined of applying to in January.
Nowadays, I chat with the girl sometimes and I talk to her like how I talk to other friends. After the IB exams, I will go back to club, where I will have two months of being with her. During these two months, I hope to get closer together and hopefully tell her that I still like her once again. Nevertheless, I will not be able to take care of her if I become accepted to UK. Plus, the fact that I have become much smarter does not directly mean that I have become a better person inside. I don't even know if I have changed and if I won't make the same mistakes again. So there's another side of me that says I shouldn't interact with her.
This dilemma has been on my mind lately, and it sometimes makes me feel very sad. I just want her to have a happy life, but I wanna be with her as well. What can I do?
Put the internet to work for you.
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