Separated for 2 months, married for almost 14 years, and together for 15 years. I have 2 kids from my first marriage, they are ages 17 and 19. My husband is like a father to both the kids.
Our house is in one state and we have an apartment in another state 5 hours away for work (for my husband).
Here it goes. 1 year ago I was drinking with a few friends, male and female, there were about 10 people there. I'm not a big drinker, I just wanted to relax and had a few too many. A neighbors adult son was hitting on me, I turned him down- I made it very clear I wasn't interested and kept talking about my husband. I thought he understood this since he stopped hitting on me. I ended up going to the same neighbors house with a couple guys that are family friends, both 20 yrs older, to play pool- I did not drink after leaving the bonfire. I realize this was a mistake, I should of walked home instead.
After a little while the neighbors son asked if I wanted a "grand tour" of their house, I had never gone in their house before and agreed- big mistake- in all honesty I never thought it was more than him showing me the house. The lights weren't turned off- in fact he was turning the lights on while showing me around. The neighbors son ended up pushing me up against the wall and forcefully kissed/ groped me. I was scared/ shocked/ caught off guard and ended up kissing back after a few seconds. I didn't know what to do. What was I suppose to do?
I came to my senses and pushed him off of me, the kiss lasted less than a minute. I immediately left the house and have avoided this guy since. I felt violated, and I still do a year later.
I didn't tell my husband because he hated this guy with a passion- for other reasons. Well, my husband found out 2 months ago and left me the next morning. I told him what happened that night but he doesn't care- he said I shouldn't of gone over there without him, and he's right.
I admit I was wrong. I should have never gone to play pool without my husband there. I never in a million years thought this would happen, I never asked for him to kiss me or give him ANY reason to think it was okay. He took it upon himself to do what HE wanted. I was nothing but a game to him.
Just so you know more background- 13 years ago I had an affair that lasted a couple days- I have spent the last 13 years making it up to my husband. This was the biggest mistake of my life and I would never hurt my husband like that again.
My husband has been staying at the apartment and me at the house. I have driven 5 hours (each way) all but 2 weeks to see him on his days off and usually end up staying 3-4 days. We get along great, movies, sex, weekend getaways, kayaking, basically acting like we did before the separation. Minus the affection like holding hands and him hugging/ kissing without me asking first. He seems "colder" towards me, but this is understandable.
He told me the other day he loves me but isn't in love with me, this absolutely ripped the heart from my chest. He did tell me he loves me and if anything ever happened to me it would kill him. We text back and forth- sometimes when he's in a good mood- occasional phone calls. He will even kiss me goodbye and tell me he loves me when I say it first. I do get upset sometimes in front of him, but am working hard to put a smile on when around him. It's just so hard not to be upset when he acts so different.
I want my husband back. He's my soul mate, my best friend, and I'm so in love with him.
I need your expert advice on how to proceed. Should I keep going to see him on his days off? I'm lost, I don't want to push him away since I'm the one who messed up. At the same time I want him to fall back in love with me and us stay married. I enjoy spending time with him and we are having more fun together than we have in years- he has told me the same thing. I don't want to "force" him to see me, I guess that's the best way to explain it.
I don't drink anymore- at all, I'm going to church, and I'm seeing a therapist. My therapist recommended I find a support group for sexual assault, which Im trying to find a local one, and I'm also going to take a self defense class.
I'm so depressed, to the point I am making an appt for medication. I wake up with nightmares and can't fall back asleep since my mind is racing.
I admit fault in everything that happened. Please don't be to hard on me, I'm barely hanging on as it is.
Thank you for helping in anyway you can.
Our house is in one state and we have an apartment in another state 5 hours away for work (for my husband).
Here it goes. 1 year ago I was drinking with a few friends, male and female, there were about 10 people there. I'm not a big drinker, I just wanted to relax and had a few too many. A neighbors adult son was hitting on me, I turned him down- I made it very clear I wasn't interested and kept talking about my husband. I thought he understood this since he stopped hitting on me. I ended up going to the same neighbors house with a couple guys that are family friends, both 20 yrs older, to play pool- I did not drink after leaving the bonfire. I realize this was a mistake, I should of walked home instead.
After a little while the neighbors son asked if I wanted a "grand tour" of their house, I had never gone in their house before and agreed- big mistake- in all honesty I never thought it was more than him showing me the house. The lights weren't turned off- in fact he was turning the lights on while showing me around. The neighbors son ended up pushing me up against the wall and forcefully kissed/ groped me. I was scared/ shocked/ caught off guard and ended up kissing back after a few seconds. I didn't know what to do. What was I suppose to do?
I came to my senses and pushed him off of me, the kiss lasted less than a minute. I immediately left the house and have avoided this guy since. I felt violated, and I still do a year later.
I didn't tell my husband because he hated this guy with a passion- for other reasons. Well, my husband found out 2 months ago and left me the next morning. I told him what happened that night but he doesn't care- he said I shouldn't of gone over there without him, and he's right.
I admit I was wrong. I should have never gone to play pool without my husband there. I never in a million years thought this would happen, I never asked for him to kiss me or give him ANY reason to think it was okay. He took it upon himself to do what HE wanted. I was nothing but a game to him.
Just so you know more background- 13 years ago I had an affair that lasted a couple days- I have spent the last 13 years making it up to my husband. This was the biggest mistake of my life and I would never hurt my husband like that again.
My husband has been staying at the apartment and me at the house. I have driven 5 hours (each way) all but 2 weeks to see him on his days off and usually end up staying 3-4 days. We get along great, movies, sex, weekend getaways, kayaking, basically acting like we did before the separation. Minus the affection like holding hands and him hugging/ kissing without me asking first. He seems "colder" towards me, but this is understandable.
He told me the other day he loves me but isn't in love with me, this absolutely ripped the heart from my chest. He did tell me he loves me and if anything ever happened to me it would kill him. We text back and forth- sometimes when he's in a good mood- occasional phone calls. He will even kiss me goodbye and tell me he loves me when I say it first. I do get upset sometimes in front of him, but am working hard to put a smile on when around him. It's just so hard not to be upset when he acts so different.
I want my husband back. He's my soul mate, my best friend, and I'm so in love with him.
I need your expert advice on how to proceed. Should I keep going to see him on his days off? I'm lost, I don't want to push him away since I'm the one who messed up. At the same time I want him to fall back in love with me and us stay married. I enjoy spending time with him and we are having more fun together than we have in years- he has told me the same thing. I don't want to "force" him to see me, I guess that's the best way to explain it.
I don't drink anymore- at all, I'm going to church, and I'm seeing a therapist. My therapist recommended I find a support group for sexual assault, which Im trying to find a local one, and I'm also going to take a self defense class.
I'm so depressed, to the point I am making an appt for medication. I wake up with nightmares and can't fall back asleep since my mind is racing.
I admit fault in everything that happened. Please don't be to hard on me, I'm barely hanging on as it is.
Thank you for helping in anyway you can.
Put the internet to work for you.
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