Reading these stories I can see lot of judgement coming my way but pls hear me out. My story might be long but you need to know the past to understand the present. Like many of you here I recently learned what it feels like to be betrayed. I have been with my wife for 7 years, married 4, no kids.
Looking back, when we first started together I thought our story was very romantic I was in a fog stat ( I am hopeless romantic) but it probably wasn't the best start to a successful relationship. We met at work and I was crazy about her since day one. Didn't do anything about it because I was married ( not happily but trying to work on it because of the kids) and she had a boyfriend. We did become friends. Year and a half later we made the biggest mistake of our lives and slept together. At that time I was still with my ex wife but had no hope for our marriage. I ended up leaving her and moved in with my new love who finally broke up with her loser boyfriend. Lot of struggles for couple years (my ex, kids, money) but I thought we made it work and it made us stronger.
Life went on, not perfect but nothing is, but never crossed my mind we would end up here. We were the example of happy couple to all of our friends. However, this May I discovered her affair with her boss ( started as EP in may it became PA but no intercourse) My world came crashing down when she said she was in love with someone else. She is my soulmate. I guess it's karma that wants to get back at me for what I did to my ex wife . Even though my ex wasn't a good person I was wrong for doing what I did. It took me 7 years and my current wife to cheat on me to make me realize that one could never find true happiness on someone else's misery.
My wife didnt want to let him go so I made her quit the job 3 months ago ( I have lot of evidence), her affair ended and I want to make it work. I don't really know how to go about it . I am no angel I did have one EA during our marriage but I let it go because I love my wife. I also had PA ( no intercourse) due to lack of intimacy and I do regret it. I had an RA after I discovered what my wife was doing. I told her all about it since I don't want anymore lies or secrets in our marriage. But all these years I was a nice guy I treat her good I care about her very much. I am very romantic and affectionate but she has not shown me the same in a long time especially after her 2nd abortion. I never let her feel unwanted or not desirable and I was willing to give up passion and excitement to be with her for the rest of my life because i think we are meant for each other. We never really fought in our marriage which might have been wrong because clearly we never communicated about the issues we had. But we have always been best friends to each other
I guess what I want to know what are the chances of working this out and what can I do about it. I know I can forgive her but I still have hard time trusting her and not sure how much is she willing to work on this. She doesn't want to be intimate with me but doesn't refuse anymore. I just take what I want I'm not willing to wait months for her to come to me anymore. It's not the way I want it but I don't want to look elsewhere anymore. I just wish she would be passionate with me. It's like a new side of her that I never knew came out of her when she was with Him. I just wish she had that kind of passion for me. I was ok with it when I thought she didn't have it in her but now that I know she could, it bothers me. We did go to counseling but ran out of money and can't afford it right now. Not sure it was helping anyway counselor was more focused on my anger than her affair. So we just live together day to day always together being good friends and mostly civil but issues not resolved
I expect some angry comments towards me and my wife which I understand but I would really like some honest opinions or advice pls ask any Question that would help you understand our situation.
Looking back, when we first started together I thought our story was very romantic I was in a fog stat ( I am hopeless romantic) but it probably wasn't the best start to a successful relationship. We met at work and I was crazy about her since day one. Didn't do anything about it because I was married ( not happily but trying to work on it because of the kids) and she had a boyfriend. We did become friends. Year and a half later we made the biggest mistake of our lives and slept together. At that time I was still with my ex wife but had no hope for our marriage. I ended up leaving her and moved in with my new love who finally broke up with her loser boyfriend. Lot of struggles for couple years (my ex, kids, money) but I thought we made it work and it made us stronger.
Life went on, not perfect but nothing is, but never crossed my mind we would end up here. We were the example of happy couple to all of our friends. However, this May I discovered her affair with her boss ( started as EP in may it became PA but no intercourse) My world came crashing down when she said she was in love with someone else. She is my soulmate. I guess it's karma that wants to get back at me for what I did to my ex wife . Even though my ex wasn't a good person I was wrong for doing what I did. It took me 7 years and my current wife to cheat on me to make me realize that one could never find true happiness on someone else's misery.
My wife didnt want to let him go so I made her quit the job 3 months ago ( I have lot of evidence), her affair ended and I want to make it work. I don't really know how to go about it . I am no angel I did have one EA during our marriage but I let it go because I love my wife. I also had PA ( no intercourse) due to lack of intimacy and I do regret it. I had an RA after I discovered what my wife was doing. I told her all about it since I don't want anymore lies or secrets in our marriage. But all these years I was a nice guy I treat her good I care about her very much. I am very romantic and affectionate but she has not shown me the same in a long time especially after her 2nd abortion. I never let her feel unwanted or not desirable and I was willing to give up passion and excitement to be with her for the rest of my life because i think we are meant for each other. We never really fought in our marriage which might have been wrong because clearly we never communicated about the issues we had. But we have always been best friends to each other
I guess what I want to know what are the chances of working this out and what can I do about it. I know I can forgive her but I still have hard time trusting her and not sure how much is she willing to work on this. She doesn't want to be intimate with me but doesn't refuse anymore. I just take what I want I'm not willing to wait months for her to come to me anymore. It's not the way I want it but I don't want to look elsewhere anymore. I just wish she would be passionate with me. It's like a new side of her that I never knew came out of her when she was with Him. I just wish she had that kind of passion for me. I was ok with it when I thought she didn't have it in her but now that I know she could, it bothers me. We did go to counseling but ran out of money and can't afford it right now. Not sure it was helping anyway counselor was more focused on my anger than her affair. So we just live together day to day always together being good friends and mostly civil but issues not resolved
I expect some angry comments towards me and my wife which I understand but I would really like some honest opinions or advice pls ask any Question that would help you understand our situation.
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