I have been married for a year (no kids) and I am completely, madly in love with my husband. However, I am also incredibly hurt and feel rejected and undesirable because of his actions, mostly regarding our sex life.
Once we got out of the can't keep your hands off each other beginning stage of a relationship, we settled into a more normal routine of 2-3 times per week. I was super happy with this, I felt like it was a perfect frequency. Then August 2013 it slowed down rapidly to the point where it was once a week, on Sunday morning. I am not a fan of morning sex at all, but I know he likes it and I'll take what I get so I would do it. I would always hope that we would break the cycle and for once have sex during the week, or at a different time on the weekend but nothing changed. I would try to initiate and get rejected every single time. Yet on Sunday morning there he was, ready to go when I've barely woken up.
Whenever I have talked to him about this, he said he's just been lazy and complacent and will try. I have put everything out on the table, how important intimacy is to me, how I feel closer to him, how I feel ugly and unwanted and hurt. I have completely broken down in front of him over it, and I have talked to him without emotions and just expressed how I feel. He has always been upset when I say these things and promised that things will change. Yet nothing has ever changed.
A couple of months ago I decided I had enough of him not even considering my needs and turned him down on a Sunday morning. He was upset and I felt horrible about it but I didn't back down. Ever since then we have had sex once, initiated by me. He hasn't even attempted anything, not even on a Sunday morning.
He says that nothing is wrong physically and that I have done nothing wrong and he's still attracted to me but obviously something is not right. He tells me all the time how much he loves me and how beautiful I am, but I definitely don't feel beautiful. He knows how important sex is to me (it always has been) and it just seems like he just doesn't care about my feelings.
He is an amazing man and I know how much he loves me but I'm just not getting what I need from him and he doesn't seem to care.
On another note... I love flowers and he used to get them for me when we were first dating. He would surprise me withe flowers, or a bottle of wine or something pretty frequently. The last time he bought me flowers was Valentines Day 2012. I turned 30 a few months ago and I told him I don't need a gift but a card is REALLY important to me (I don't know why, but they are) and I would love some flowers. I got nothing. I'm really trying not to let this get to me, we went for a nice dinner and friends and family made an effort and I did have a great birthday otherwise. I just can't seem to get passed this feeling of hurt becuase of it. I know it seems like a petty thing to complain about but I just feel like I'm at a beraking point.
Any advice?
Once we got out of the can't keep your hands off each other beginning stage of a relationship, we settled into a more normal routine of 2-3 times per week. I was super happy with this, I felt like it was a perfect frequency. Then August 2013 it slowed down rapidly to the point where it was once a week, on Sunday morning. I am not a fan of morning sex at all, but I know he likes it and I'll take what I get so I would do it. I would always hope that we would break the cycle and for once have sex during the week, or at a different time on the weekend but nothing changed. I would try to initiate and get rejected every single time. Yet on Sunday morning there he was, ready to go when I've barely woken up.
Whenever I have talked to him about this, he said he's just been lazy and complacent and will try. I have put everything out on the table, how important intimacy is to me, how I feel closer to him, how I feel ugly and unwanted and hurt. I have completely broken down in front of him over it, and I have talked to him without emotions and just expressed how I feel. He has always been upset when I say these things and promised that things will change. Yet nothing has ever changed.
A couple of months ago I decided I had enough of him not even considering my needs and turned him down on a Sunday morning. He was upset and I felt horrible about it but I didn't back down. Ever since then we have had sex once, initiated by me. He hasn't even attempted anything, not even on a Sunday morning.
He says that nothing is wrong physically and that I have done nothing wrong and he's still attracted to me but obviously something is not right. He tells me all the time how much he loves me and how beautiful I am, but I definitely don't feel beautiful. He knows how important sex is to me (it always has been) and it just seems like he just doesn't care about my feelings.
He is an amazing man and I know how much he loves me but I'm just not getting what I need from him and he doesn't seem to care.
On another note... I love flowers and he used to get them for me when we were first dating. He would surprise me withe flowers, or a bottle of wine or something pretty frequently. The last time he bought me flowers was Valentines Day 2012. I turned 30 a few months ago and I told him I don't need a gift but a card is REALLY important to me (I don't know why, but they are) and I would love some flowers. I got nothing. I'm really trying not to let this get to me, we went for a nice dinner and friends and family made an effort and I did have a great birthday otherwise. I just can't seem to get passed this feeling of hurt becuase of it. I know it seems like a petty thing to complain about but I just feel like I'm at a beraking point.
Any advice?
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