I have been with my wife about 19 years, married 15. We have three daughters, 6,11, 13. I have addiction issues, which have been quite well managed for some time, but I recently had a gambling relapse, which my wife does not know about.
My wife has put up with quite a lot from me, and I don't think either of us are really very happy. I think we have a somewhat co dependent relationship, where our room mate existence allows us to avoid making the changes we perhaps both need to make. She has an EA with an ex about 2 years ago, which was dealt with and not rugswept.
If/when my wife finds out about my relapse, I suspect she may call it a day on the marriage.
I do love her, and she does love me, but I have come to the realization that I dont think either of us are able/willing to do the work and make changes in order to save our marriage, as we have become too complacent.
We get on, have similar interests, run a business together, parent together (a conflict area) and rarely have sex.
We have some value differences, particularly around money - where I want a simple life, and she expects a upper middle class lifestyle. I am expected to provide that.
I am depressed, and was on meds, until she took me to task and told me it was a weakness, and she doesn't want to be with someone "dependant on pills".
She has been away visiting her mother, and it has given me time to reflect.
Basically, I am pretty much a mess. My addicition issues are bubbling to the surface again - and the bubble popped. I am unhappy much of the time. A sense of joylessness. I struggle tremendously at work with focus, concentration and follow through. I tend to isolate if I can.
I feel really ****ty about myself. I am consumed with guilt about the money I have gambled away. It could have been used so much more wisely. My "insanity" is scaring me. I have been to this place. Its dark, and filled with self hate.
I am thinking it may be the best for my family if I call it and file for divorce. We will take a lifestyle knock - and my daughters will move with their mom to her family, an 8 hour drive away.
I am worn down by my wifes passivity in building our marriage. She is an awful communicator, and very indecisive.
Would it be the right thing to leave the family to better myself? Will I be able to be a better father if my children are so far away? Will this serious shake up of my comfort zone perhaps enable me to make the changes in my personal life that are required to be all I can be?
What are your thoughts.
My wife has put up with quite a lot from me, and I don't think either of us are really very happy. I think we have a somewhat co dependent relationship, where our room mate existence allows us to avoid making the changes we perhaps both need to make. She has an EA with an ex about 2 years ago, which was dealt with and not rugswept.
If/when my wife finds out about my relapse, I suspect she may call it a day on the marriage.
I do love her, and she does love me, but I have come to the realization that I dont think either of us are able/willing to do the work and make changes in order to save our marriage, as we have become too complacent.
We get on, have similar interests, run a business together, parent together (a conflict area) and rarely have sex.
We have some value differences, particularly around money - where I want a simple life, and she expects a upper middle class lifestyle. I am expected to provide that.
I am depressed, and was on meds, until she took me to task and told me it was a weakness, and she doesn't want to be with someone "dependant on pills".
She has been away visiting her mother, and it has given me time to reflect.
Basically, I am pretty much a mess. My addicition issues are bubbling to the surface again - and the bubble popped. I am unhappy much of the time. A sense of joylessness. I struggle tremendously at work with focus, concentration and follow through. I tend to isolate if I can.
I feel really ****ty about myself. I am consumed with guilt about the money I have gambled away. It could have been used so much more wisely. My "insanity" is scaring me. I have been to this place. Its dark, and filled with self hate.
I am thinking it may be the best for my family if I call it and file for divorce. We will take a lifestyle knock - and my daughters will move with their mom to her family, an 8 hour drive away.
I am worn down by my wifes passivity in building our marriage. She is an awful communicator, and very indecisive.
Would it be the right thing to leave the family to better myself? Will I be able to be a better father if my children are so far away? Will this serious shake up of my comfort zone perhaps enable me to make the changes in my personal life that are required to be all I can be?
What are your thoughts.
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