I moved into university yesterday and I feel so out of place. I've wanted to go home about 4 hours after arriving.
Basically I have been excited about the idea of university life and the idea of being friends with people but I think I've just messed up really.
When moving in I was one of the first - all my boxes had been brought to my room so I busy busy packing away. One person came while I was sorting the kitchen and I introduced myself and had a little chat etc and I was feeling that so far was so good. Went back to my room to sort out clothes etc then suddenly heard a big group of my flatmates downstairs in the entrance laughing and getting to know eachother - obviously been there some time. I wanted to be a part of it but I just broke down crying. I felt physically unable to go in an intrude and from then on I started feeling depressed that they had already grouped together without me.
That night I was shattered because I had a long journey here so I headed for bed, on my way to the bathroom I saw 2 of them and I said a "hi I'm so and so, nice to meet you" they were polite back. once i ot ready for bed i literally heard the whole flat going out together saying stuff like hey knock *persons names* door, is *persons name* in their room? calll their mobile. No one knocked on my door to even ask nor invite me to go when i said hello and introduced yself. even though I woudn't want to have gone I just feel alone and a bit left out for not even being asked.
Since then I just feel like an embarasment and don't want to leave my room when they're about. I've actually been peeing in my sink thats in my room just so I don't have to walk to the bathroom. I've used the sink to wash my hair etc in instead of going to the shower because I can't face it. I don't want to go to the kitchen incase they are there. I just feel scared and alone and I don't know what to do.
I thought everyone was out a little while ago and went to get something to eat and there were 3 there and my attemt to talk with them was just embarassing. they kind of hinted at suggesting going out together but i made my excuses and hurried back to my room despite how **** i felt thinking I was left out yesterday. I don't know what my problem is. I litterly sat in my room atm crying wishing I wasn't alive.
I've told my parents I want to leave and that I am unhappy however they made me agree to trying for a month and seeing how I feel then. I've been considering the open university may be more suited to me but apprently the full time course i want to do would take 4 years but if I stay here a month that takes away a year of finace so I couldn't do it if I stay (i'm not actually registered until the end of this week so i was assuming if i go before then no tuition gets paid?) anyway my mum said to talk to the idvice centre at my uni about it but i don't feel i can do that either and it's pathetic. My laptop won't turn on and I don't feel i can ring for help.
I know the situiation im in is my fault and I know it take me putting in effort and I'm not saying the people in my flat are bad peope or making me feel left out on purpose. I just don't feel I can help it.
I just had visions of meeting just a few of them at once then after chatting a bit we'd all go and knock on the doors and meet everyone/go for a drink together. but i missed the start and when the huge group of them became friends laughing and chatting while they brought boxes in I felt unable to intrude i didn't know how to interupt to join in the conversation so i just sat and cried in my room http://ift.tt/1Bs5wva
I don't know whats going on with me
Put the internet to work for you.
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