So my wife, who is a police officer, and I argue or snap at other regularly. I am worried about the fighting, she really does not seem to be. I tell her each time we fight I feel less inclined to want to stay in the marriage. When we fight divorce or separation is often brought up.
I do believe divorce is just a matter of time. I think on some level she realizes that also, as she brings it up when we argue.
In the past she has admitted she has an anger problem but she has not tried to seek help for it. I have problems too, but I am in a 12 step program and therapy. I have suggested she attend naanon or seek therapy which she admitted was a good idea, bur she refuses to take any concrete steps to do so.
When we fight she gets loud and cusses at me despite her saying she will not do it again. We both get mean. We compare one another to other people. She uses our son against me, saying things like you "do not care about Eric and me" or "you always do this to us."
I do not use such language and I do not use our baby son as a tool against her.
Neither of us really apologiizes any more.
I grew up around people who argued and I hated of with a passion. So arguing the way we do is one of the reasons, BUT, definitely not the only reason why I am planning to divorce. My wife also grew up around her parents fighting, which at times crossed over the line and went physical. But, as we do not fight the way her mom and dad did I do not believe she thinks our fighting is all that bad. Despite me telling her That I think it is. In a precious relationship it did turn physical with her ex.
My question is does anybody have any suggestion on how I could encourage my soon to be ex to get the help she has admitted needing? When we do separate I think emotionally she will be crushed. I do care about her, but I wish she would be willing to seek help.
She does not even speak to friends or family about what is going on. Again I encouraged her to do so. I think she needs to speak to somebody at least. Somebody outside our marriage. I think she is worried about appearances.
I do believe divorce is just a matter of time. I think on some level she realizes that also, as she brings it up when we argue.
In the past she has admitted she has an anger problem but she has not tried to seek help for it. I have problems too, but I am in a 12 step program and therapy. I have suggested she attend naanon or seek therapy which she admitted was a good idea, bur she refuses to take any concrete steps to do so.
When we fight she gets loud and cusses at me despite her saying she will not do it again. We both get mean. We compare one another to other people. She uses our son against me, saying things like you "do not care about Eric and me" or "you always do this to us."
I do not use such language and I do not use our baby son as a tool against her.
Neither of us really apologiizes any more.
I grew up around people who argued and I hated of with a passion. So arguing the way we do is one of the reasons, BUT, definitely not the only reason why I am planning to divorce. My wife also grew up around her parents fighting, which at times crossed over the line and went physical. But, as we do not fight the way her mom and dad did I do not believe she thinks our fighting is all that bad. Despite me telling her That I think it is. In a precious relationship it did turn physical with her ex.
My question is does anybody have any suggestion on how I could encourage my soon to be ex to get the help she has admitted needing? When we do separate I think emotionally she will be crushed. I do care about her, but I wish she would be willing to seek help.
She does not even speak to friends or family about what is going on. Again I encouraged her to do so. I think she needs to speak to somebody at least. Somebody outside our marriage. I think she is worried about appearances.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment