Hey guys I'm 19 and I just want to get some things off my chest. You've probably seen these posts many times before :rolleyes: . I've had limited relationship experience and at first I always blamed it on tough luck and abnormal circumstances to me being friend-zoned or things never really working out.
I've come to the realisation that in each of the two girls I've been dating, when push came to shove for some reason I'd never make a move. I'd always play the scenario of what I'd do to her like put my arm round her, kiss her or whatever but then I'd start to wonder if that's what she'd want? How would she react? Is it a good idea? And then I'd wait for an 'opening' to do something and either I personally don't see one or I just chicken out.
I feel like in this modern day society, even though girls will from time to time take the lead on things, the general consensus is for the man to be the man and lead by example and that makes things worse on my part. I have no trouble talking to girls, don't feel nervous or anything it's just the whole intimate side of things I guess I lack in.
I really don't know what's wrong with me. There's been many scenarios in my life where I've had the chance to do things with girls and almost all the time it's like there's this mental block stopping me from doing anything. What makes it worse is that I've had my first kiss and 'relationship' with a girl at a very young age and as that was such a young time ago it's like I haven't at all.
I'm an only child and live with my mum and our relationship is what you'd describe as affectionate. Like any child, I love my mum but maybe because she's the only person I've ever truly been able to call family, all that love I have for her is exaggerated? Like I hug and kiss her, cuddle... more than what I'd consider to be average for someone my age... I don't see why I'm not as keen to be even more affectionate with girls, one thing you may think is that I'm possibly gay but that's not the case either.
One thing I could say could be the cause between the contrast of my mum and other girls is that I'm just so comfortable with my mum and I'd probably have to find a way to get past natural barriers and show that same affection to a girl much faster than I do now or have in the past. The two serious encounters with these girls have ended prematurely because I've taken too long to make a move, the first one made signals in an attempt to make something happen but I'd either miss them or, like I said some sort of mental block prevented me for reciprocating. The other girl simply told me she won't make moves unless I do and despite her staying over at my dorm many many times, I never did anything.
I find my situation so embarrassing and frustrating. I don't see why I can't just take the leap of faith! That's what I say to my friends when they ask me for advice on things and I just can't seem to take it myself! I treat people with respect and that includes how I treat girls but I guess I treat them with too much respect in this case?
To summarise, I think the problems I seem to have is that I over analyse what I should do and I hesitate when I should just 'go for it'. I also think that I don't create that natural spark when I first meet a girl, I have too much of a friendly vibe where even if a girl may find me attractive I don't 'show' it with my actions; be it with flirting or by making moves. What the second girl said sums it really well: 'you're all talk and no action'.
I'd really appreciate it if you guys could tell me what I could do to improve as a person in respect to girls. How I should approach these situations and if you're in a similar situation like me and want to share it here that's welcome too! Will be good to see that I'm not alone in this... because everywhere I look, people I know are happy or content being single simply because they had the experience and I just want to have the tools to find happiness myself.
Thanks to all who take their time to read this :)
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