Mornings are the worse. It seems every morning for the past week I've been waking up before my alarm goes off. I lay there and try to go back to sleep, but as soon as my mind wakes up it starts spinning around the reality of the situation: you are getting a divorce, there is no more making up, your life is going to change drastically, your kids' lives are going to change drastically, money.. are you going to be able to do this on your own!!! Then when I finally have to get up, I put on a fake smile and get my kids through our morning routines, come to work, and then fight back the tears till afternoon when I finally start feeling a bit better. I know this is new.. I know this is fresh.. I know I will get better as the days go by.. but knowing all that doesn't make it any easier!!
Unfortunately, my soon to be ex is still living in our home with me. The plan is that he will move out in June. That gives us time to tie up loose ends with finances and give the kids a little time to adjust to the news. Well last night he want to hug me and comfort me. I pushed him away. I don't want him to comfort me. I need to do this on my own. He doesn't understand that everything is making me sad, angry, bitter.. etc because I am an emotional tornado right now. I tried to explain this to him after I flipped out over something silly. I told him, I just need my space that I'm grieving the end of our marriage and the 12yrs we spent together and it's not easy. But he keeps pushing. He wants us to be friends and be there for each other. Am I the only one that doesn't think that is possible right now?? I need to let him go, I need to accept this.. I can't have him trying to wipe my tears while telling me he will always love me. AHh. Wake me up when May is over!!
Unfortunately, my soon to be ex is still living in our home with me. The plan is that he will move out in June. That gives us time to tie up loose ends with finances and give the kids a little time to adjust to the news. Well last night he want to hug me and comfort me. I pushed him away. I don't want him to comfort me. I need to do this on my own. He doesn't understand that everything is making me sad, angry, bitter.. etc because I am an emotional tornado right now. I tried to explain this to him after I flipped out over something silly. I told him, I just need my space that I'm grieving the end of our marriage and the 12yrs we spent together and it's not easy. But he keeps pushing. He wants us to be friends and be there for each other. Am I the only one that doesn't think that is possible right now?? I need to let him go, I need to accept this.. I can't have him trying to wipe my tears while telling me he will always love me. AHh. Wake me up when May is over!!
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