I chose the subject line because I couldn't think of a better one. I do actually know if my wife has this condition, but based on the description of it I see online, she exhibits many of its fundamental traits. Since meeting my wife 8 years ago, there have been many occurrences over the years where she has self-diagnosed a particular ailment (or believed it was likely), when there wasn't good reason to draw her conclusion. I remember the worst case was two years ago she insisted she had kidney stones (she explained she did have stones removed in the years before she met me), and wanted to be rushed to the ER. I felt sure she was just having gas pains, but I'm not a doctor, so to the hospital she went. Several hours later, a sonogram and several other tests and scans, and she was sent home with no evidence of anything- but the visit cost $6000 (our copay was $500). That was the most egregious case, but these occurrences happen often.
Over this past weekend she complained of achy joints while we were on a two hour trip. The complaints got progressively worse so bad that at one point she was writhing in her seat, insisting that she be rushed to the ER. Her pattern of behavior didn't make sense to me, laughing and talking to our kids one moment, then 'agonizing pain', then laughing again, then the pain, etc. My thought was she was a little sore and stiff and stretching her legs would make her feel better. It was awful, because she was pleading with me to go to the ER, and crying (in front of our toddlers), which I know most likely would have resulted in a long evening in a waiting room a big bill. -but what if I was wrong? I'd be a monster for denying her. We ended up making it home, she lied down and seemed to be better again- but not before popping some strong prescription pain killers she somehow had obtained or saved.
This has become a difficult problem in our marriage, because in addition to the sudden 'serious' ailments, the complaints conveniently happen when it's time to take on a chore, or when we plan to get some exercise together. My biggest fear though is that (I believe) she is often crying wolf, and I won't take seriously the time when she does have a serious medical condition. This leads to a lot of frustration, because I have to choose between offering sympathy and respecting the ailment she says she has as real- or insulting her by not respecting it, making her upset with me. Despite my words of support she seems to be able to read my mind know it's the latter.
I love my wife dearly and genuinely care about her health but I don't know how to deal with this issue. Kind, carefully chosen words aren't doing it. If I try the tough love approach both she mother (and probably mine) will get a call promptly, painting me as a callous and uncaring jerk for not believing her.
Can anyone offer guidance?
Over this past weekend she complained of achy joints while we were on a two hour trip. The complaints got progressively worse so bad that at one point she was writhing in her seat, insisting that she be rushed to the ER. Her pattern of behavior didn't make sense to me, laughing and talking to our kids one moment, then 'agonizing pain', then laughing again, then the pain, etc. My thought was she was a little sore and stiff and stretching her legs would make her feel better. It was awful, because she was pleading with me to go to the ER, and crying (in front of our toddlers), which I know most likely would have resulted in a long evening in a waiting room a big bill. -but what if I was wrong? I'd be a monster for denying her. We ended up making it home, she lied down and seemed to be better again- but not before popping some strong prescription pain killers she somehow had obtained or saved.
This has become a difficult problem in our marriage, because in addition to the sudden 'serious' ailments, the complaints conveniently happen when it's time to take on a chore, or when we plan to get some exercise together. My biggest fear though is that (I believe) she is often crying wolf, and I won't take seriously the time when she does have a serious medical condition. This leads to a lot of frustration, because I have to choose between offering sympathy and respecting the ailment she says she has as real- or insulting her by not respecting it, making her upset with me. Despite my words of support she seems to be able to read my mind know it's the latter.
I love my wife dearly and genuinely care about her health but I don't know how to deal with this issue. Kind, carefully chosen words aren't doing it. If I try the tough love approach both she mother (and probably mine) will get a call promptly, painting me as a callous and uncaring jerk for not believing her.
Can anyone offer guidance?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment