So as evidenced from my numerous threads blablablabla
Spoiler:blablablawhinecryblaShowI have hang-ups about dating and the opposite sex. Let's assume for a moment that the traits in the past year I've brought up on TSR are the most exaggerated 'shadow side' to me possible. Therefore this is not representative of how attractive I 'could' be, I don't expect anyone to find the Riku persona attractive. The reason I'm here, after all, is because of a massive confidence crisis back in 2010 that I'm slowly recovering from, but not quite there yet.
However I am still at a loss what went wrong with my ex girlfriend. I'm not going to try to get her back, I have to work on myself. But, I don't know what I did wrong. When we met in high school, we only saw each other every month or so, and every time she was ****ing all over me. I made a point to be always on the top of my game then-basically presenting an ideal version of myself, not even how I felt about myself in school because this was an extracurricular thing. I wouldn't say not the real me, but it was a front. Me without the baggage of low self-esteem, I made a point to try and be a different person for just this one girl because I'd been labeled as 'retarded' due to my developmental difficulties in primary/secondary.
When we got together, I was going through a rough patch, but she helped pick me up. I'm of the opinion one of the reasons why she lost interest is because I never fully returned to the old me, despite being there for 18 moths. It got better, a lot better, September 2012-2013 (wasn't even eating properly in November 2012) then a new guy came along, and whether or not they're now together (they may just be friends) I became very insecure about him and a bit obsessive. Very likely this drove her away as it brought out my shadow side.
The reason I struggle is because this girl is one of only a handful of girls who I managed to get to respect me. Most wouldn't give me the time of day. Some were practically surrogate mothers. I'm not sure where I go wrong. I haven't intentions of dating as I want to pursue career and find out what I want out of life besides a relationship, but I'm still wondering.
Suggestions? Although I can fully understand why somebody bombarded with my various 'issues' and whatever would be turned off or even pissed off, I am slightly oblivious to why I must be so off-putting even to girls who have never met me before and know none of my history :S
Tl;dr Riku does not know what he's doing wrong IRL to not be given the time of day by the oppose sex minus the repulsive act of threadsturbation
Put the internet to work for you.
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