This will take a while to explain but in order to understand it all I have to so anyone that reads the whole thing, I really appreciate it and thankyou!
I'm 25, my girlfriends 22. We've been together exactly one year. Right from the start i noticed she was 'different', as in slightly autistic in the way she acted. She seemed to get very very awkward with me easily. I couldn't even hold her hand without her getting awkward. It took us three months to 'attempt' sex, and it was the strangest experience of my life.... we never managed full penetrative sex until a few months ago.
We only see each other once a week or less, as I had a gut feeling from the start to let her decide when we meet etc as I could tell she has social difficulties especially with men. She is like a 12 year old in a 22 year olds body so to speak. She puts on a confident laughy, slightly cocky 'front' but it's quite obvious that it's not the real her.
Anyway, slowly over the year we were growing closer, she was becoming less and less awkward.
At christmas eve we were cuddling and she said "look, I wouldn't have been able to do this a few months ago! :) " it was so nice, and we were at the peak of our relationships thus far.
Boxing day hits and she stops talking to me. She has done this in the past but I could tell something was wrong, but she said nothing. I tried not to over think as she would occasionally go quiet when she was upset with something in her life. She hates talking about her feelings to me so always would just vanish instead, and get very stressed if she felt she had to try harder to express them to me etc. A week later she asked to meet up for a chat and coffee, so we did. She said "I was watching streetdance 2 and thought Id like to learn but then told mysel you wouldnt be able to do it with me because you live too far away, then I just got this bad gut feelign that wouldnt go away and got worse". I explained that I'd lvoe to do it and the distance (45 minutes) is nothing. We had quite a tense akward and emotional day that day, and she ended up saying "I'll wait a bit before I do anything". I told her that if we can't solve her bad feeling, at the end of the day I want her to be happy and although it'l devastate me to lose her, if it'l make her happier deep inside i'll know i did the right thing.
Now, early on in the realtionship she warned me that the following year in the months of January - Mid march we won't get to see each other. Reason? She works on a farm and its lambing season, meaning she works very long hours and doesnt like to be around anyone during that time, because she becomes irrational, delusional and very grumpy and has lost many friends in the past during that season so it's best we don't see each other. I know its a bit odd but it really is for the best so now, she's off lambing and I haven't seen her for a while, but will again in mid march.
I figured it's best to just give her space so I will give her a few days of not saying anything, and then (as I did today) tell her I hope shes okay and lambings going well, and maybe tell her what ive been up to and that I wish she were with me etc. She will read my such messages on facebook but rarely reply, or maybe reply with '' :) '' or something very unrelated and bland (which is fine with me, I know shes under a lot of pressure as she warned last year).
Now, I really do love her. She is different, my dad (whos a child psychologist) says she has some typical asperger signs or may have an attachment disorder (she had a very rough upbringing, parents leaving, family members commiting suicide etc), and despite it being an odd difficult relationship, I do love her. She's become a part of me.
I'm terrified that her 'bad gut feeling' will remain and when I see her again she will leave. I will be completely heart broken and I'm scared. I know it happens, and thats life but I want to do everything in my power to give it all the chances of working. So that is why I've cut down contact with her dramaticaly, but wondering if I should do so even more, maybe not talk at all and let her make the move to talk first.
It also may seem like she simply doesn't like me anymore. I've thought about it a lot, and I'm not scared to face that fact if it were true but the facts really seem to push toward the idea that we became ''too close'' and she got scared of that. She told me early on into the realtionship that she has dumped all of her previous boyfriends because she became ''too close'' to them, and then had to run away.
I just don't know what to do and I can't stop thinking of it because Im so scared of losing her. It sounds stalkerish, but I will go on her facebook and when a guy likes one of her status' I will think that he must immediately fancy her and be hoping it ends, and then get a horrible scenario in my head and get really paranoid!
I don't know what to do. I'm panicking if Im honest, and have been for almost a month now. Please dont tell me to leave her, it's what everyone says, but it's not what I am going to do, I want to do what I can to make it work.
I'm 25, my girlfriends 22. We've been together exactly one year. Right from the start i noticed she was 'different', as in slightly autistic in the way she acted. She seemed to get very very awkward with me easily. I couldn't even hold her hand without her getting awkward. It took us three months to 'attempt' sex, and it was the strangest experience of my life.... we never managed full penetrative sex until a few months ago.
We only see each other once a week or less, as I had a gut feeling from the start to let her decide when we meet etc as I could tell she has social difficulties especially with men. She is like a 12 year old in a 22 year olds body so to speak. She puts on a confident laughy, slightly cocky 'front' but it's quite obvious that it's not the real her.
Anyway, slowly over the year we were growing closer, she was becoming less and less awkward.
At christmas eve we were cuddling and she said "look, I wouldn't have been able to do this a few months ago! :) " it was so nice, and we were at the peak of our relationships thus far.
Boxing day hits and she stops talking to me. She has done this in the past but I could tell something was wrong, but she said nothing. I tried not to over think as she would occasionally go quiet when she was upset with something in her life. She hates talking about her feelings to me so always would just vanish instead, and get very stressed if she felt she had to try harder to express them to me etc. A week later she asked to meet up for a chat and coffee, so we did. She said "I was watching streetdance 2 and thought Id like to learn but then told mysel you wouldnt be able to do it with me because you live too far away, then I just got this bad gut feelign that wouldnt go away and got worse". I explained that I'd lvoe to do it and the distance (45 minutes) is nothing. We had quite a tense akward and emotional day that day, and she ended up saying "I'll wait a bit before I do anything". I told her that if we can't solve her bad feeling, at the end of the day I want her to be happy and although it'l devastate me to lose her, if it'l make her happier deep inside i'll know i did the right thing.
Now, early on in the realtionship she warned me that the following year in the months of January - Mid march we won't get to see each other. Reason? She works on a farm and its lambing season, meaning she works very long hours and doesnt like to be around anyone during that time, because she becomes irrational, delusional and very grumpy and has lost many friends in the past during that season so it's best we don't see each other. I know its a bit odd but it really is for the best so now, she's off lambing and I haven't seen her for a while, but will again in mid march.
I figured it's best to just give her space so I will give her a few days of not saying anything, and then (as I did today) tell her I hope shes okay and lambings going well, and maybe tell her what ive been up to and that I wish she were with me etc. She will read my such messages on facebook but rarely reply, or maybe reply with '' :) '' or something very unrelated and bland (which is fine with me, I know shes under a lot of pressure as she warned last year).
Now, I really do love her. She is different, my dad (whos a child psychologist) says she has some typical asperger signs or may have an attachment disorder (she had a very rough upbringing, parents leaving, family members commiting suicide etc), and despite it being an odd difficult relationship, I do love her. She's become a part of me.
I'm terrified that her 'bad gut feeling' will remain and when I see her again she will leave. I will be completely heart broken and I'm scared. I know it happens, and thats life but I want to do everything in my power to give it all the chances of working. So that is why I've cut down contact with her dramaticaly, but wondering if I should do so even more, maybe not talk at all and let her make the move to talk first.
It also may seem like she simply doesn't like me anymore. I've thought about it a lot, and I'm not scared to face that fact if it were true but the facts really seem to push toward the idea that we became ''too close'' and she got scared of that. She told me early on into the realtionship that she has dumped all of her previous boyfriends because she became ''too close'' to them, and then had to run away.
I just don't know what to do and I can't stop thinking of it because Im so scared of losing her. It sounds stalkerish, but I will go on her facebook and when a guy likes one of her status' I will think that he must immediately fancy her and be hoping it ends, and then get a horrible scenario in my head and get really paranoid!
I don't know what to do. I'm panicking if Im honest, and have been for almost a month now. Please dont tell me to leave her, it's what everyone says, but it's not what I am going to do, I want to do what I can to make it work.
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