Hi Ladies! I'm looking for advice about how to pick a spouse and how to be prepared for marriage. I grew up around marriages that I honestly don't even know if they were functional or completely dysfunctional because the adults are so good at hiding really bad things- but my family on both sides generally stay married until the death of one spouse.
I also have had a bad relationship with my mother my whole life. She's loud and aggressive, and I'm shy and quiet. She's a tomboy personality, and I'm a girly-girl. I just never liked dealing with her too much and prefered my father who is a lot like me- quiet and nice. She sensed this, and pretty much disliked me in return and treated me negatively, causing me to dislike myself for a long time. I think it might have something to do with my personality.
I myself got married young- following in the tradition of my family. I married a man who I "liked/loved" right after college because I thought he was a decent guy and that he'd be a good husband. And my mom had advised me to get married. Well, it turned out to be a disaster for a ton of different reasons: 1) we were long distance the entire marriage, 2) we come from 2 totally different cultures, 3) we have conflicting personalities, and 4) he comes from a background where people don't get married or they get divorced, so he had no will to save our marriage.
I also spent a couple of years dating someone I don't think was ever marriageable- he's in his mid-30s and is highly educated and good looking, but he also has Asperger's Syndrome and is an high functioning alcoholic.
Now I'm over 30, and I'm just wondering what I can do improve my life and eventually get married and have children. I am very shy and don't naturally like going out- I'm a homebody, and I get that from my family. I also don't have a ton of friends, especially since I finished grad school and moved for work. I do think I'm attractive, a good person, and that I can be a great spouse and mother- especially if I ever meet the right person to marry.
Any ideas on how I can help myself- I think I'm picking them wrong or that I don't even know what good is! Also, for women who are successful in marriage or relationships, do you know of anything constructive and effective I can do to prepare myself to meet the RIGHT man and then be succesful in a relationship with him?
Thanks! :)
I also have had a bad relationship with my mother my whole life. She's loud and aggressive, and I'm shy and quiet. She's a tomboy personality, and I'm a girly-girl. I just never liked dealing with her too much and prefered my father who is a lot like me- quiet and nice. She sensed this, and pretty much disliked me in return and treated me negatively, causing me to dislike myself for a long time. I think it might have something to do with my personality.
I myself got married young- following in the tradition of my family. I married a man who I "liked/loved" right after college because I thought he was a decent guy and that he'd be a good husband. And my mom had advised me to get married. Well, it turned out to be a disaster for a ton of different reasons: 1) we were long distance the entire marriage, 2) we come from 2 totally different cultures, 3) we have conflicting personalities, and 4) he comes from a background where people don't get married or they get divorced, so he had no will to save our marriage.
I also spent a couple of years dating someone I don't think was ever marriageable- he's in his mid-30s and is highly educated and good looking, but he also has Asperger's Syndrome and is an high functioning alcoholic.
Now I'm over 30, and I'm just wondering what I can do improve my life and eventually get married and have children. I am very shy and don't naturally like going out- I'm a homebody, and I get that from my family. I also don't have a ton of friends, especially since I finished grad school and moved for work. I do think I'm attractive, a good person, and that I can be a great spouse and mother- especially if I ever meet the right person to marry.
Any ideas on how I can help myself- I think I'm picking them wrong or that I don't even know what good is! Also, for women who are successful in marriage or relationships, do you know of anything constructive and effective I can do to prepare myself to meet the RIGHT man and then be succesful in a relationship with him?
Thanks! :)
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