Hi,
I'm new here. So a little about me. I'm 23 years old and have been married for 3 years this February. My husband has an opiate problem. Right before we got married he went through a rehab, which did no good. He got worse actually, and began flirting with the needle. While he has been "needle sober" for about 6 months now, he still takes opiates.
Come March, he will be entering a new rehab program. I see him trying. And It makes me very happy that he suggested and took the steps needed to enter this new rehab.
However, after 3 years I am almost done.
Honestly, I love him so dearly. And he always says, "without you I'd be (something bad)" or "without you I'd be dead". And while that is sweet all I can think is "without you I'd be richer, happier, further along in life..." It just makes me so angry that I have made his life so much better while he has made mine worse.
He constantly lies and steals. I can't even trust my gut anymores these days because he plays such head games and lies lies lies constantly. In fact I almost don't care about his drug problem anymore its just that he LIES ALL THE TIME. He lies and steals. Constantly. Last month he stole over $1,000. I mean, I am a full time student and worker. He does not work. He has not worked since we said I do.
I love him so much, but I wonder if when 5 years past I will look back and see my wasted life. Wasted potential.
I pray that things will get better when he enters rehab. Even if they don't, atleast I will get some relief. It sounds awful, but just looking at him now makes me angry. Everything he does makes me sooo mad.
But, when he is trying...do i have the right to be angry? Addiction is a disease. But honestly, shouldn't I have a moment to hate him? To be angry about all the broken promises and lies. Don't I have that right?
But everyone keeps telling me to support him and care for him while he tries to get clean. That he needs my support now more than ever...well, where is my support? Isn't marriage supposed to be a 2 way street?
And he complains of our lack of intimacy all the time. Well, guess what. I'm not attracted to him anymore. I mean he is still good looking. But attractive? No. How can I be sexually attracted to some one who needs me like a child? Someone who offers me no comfort, no security, no trust.
And then to top it all off, I feel awful for having these feelings.
If anyone is in the same boat or has any suggestions or anything, please respond.
I have felt alone every since I got married. And I just don't know what to do anymore.
I'm new here. So a little about me. I'm 23 years old and have been married for 3 years this February. My husband has an opiate problem. Right before we got married he went through a rehab, which did no good. He got worse actually, and began flirting with the needle. While he has been "needle sober" for about 6 months now, he still takes opiates.
Come March, he will be entering a new rehab program. I see him trying. And It makes me very happy that he suggested and took the steps needed to enter this new rehab.
However, after 3 years I am almost done.
Honestly, I love him so dearly. And he always says, "without you I'd be (something bad)" or "without you I'd be dead". And while that is sweet all I can think is "without you I'd be richer, happier, further along in life..." It just makes me so angry that I have made his life so much better while he has made mine worse.
He constantly lies and steals. I can't even trust my gut anymores these days because he plays such head games and lies lies lies constantly. In fact I almost don't care about his drug problem anymore its just that he LIES ALL THE TIME. He lies and steals. Constantly. Last month he stole over $1,000. I mean, I am a full time student and worker. He does not work. He has not worked since we said I do.
I love him so much, but I wonder if when 5 years past I will look back and see my wasted life. Wasted potential.
I pray that things will get better when he enters rehab. Even if they don't, atleast I will get some relief. It sounds awful, but just looking at him now makes me angry. Everything he does makes me sooo mad.
But, when he is trying...do i have the right to be angry? Addiction is a disease. But honestly, shouldn't I have a moment to hate him? To be angry about all the broken promises and lies. Don't I have that right?
But everyone keeps telling me to support him and care for him while he tries to get clean. That he needs my support now more than ever...well, where is my support? Isn't marriage supposed to be a 2 way street?
And he complains of our lack of intimacy all the time. Well, guess what. I'm not attracted to him anymore. I mean he is still good looking. But attractive? No. How can I be sexually attracted to some one who needs me like a child? Someone who offers me no comfort, no security, no trust.
And then to top it all off, I feel awful for having these feelings.
If anyone is in the same boat or has any suggestions or anything, please respond.
I have felt alone every since I got married. And I just don't know what to do anymore.
Put the internet to work for you.
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