Wife needing advice (dominant men espeically welcome to reply)

My H and I have been together for a very long time (14+ years), and we have a really great relationship, small children to keep us busy, etc. My husband is the greatest guy ever: smart, funny, athletic, hardworking, great dad, you name it. The only area that has ever much lacked in our relationship is sex. We've always had it (at least once a week even in the "slow" phases - and the last 4 years since we had kids it has been mostly slow), but our sexual relationship has never been as intense as I'm sure either of us would like. I'm largely to blame I'm sure because I have a lower drive and have historically "rolled over and played dead" when I didn't feel up to the act. I always enjoy it once it starts, but I just don't feel a lot of desire beforehand and I'm so tired all of the time that it just seems like a lot of work. However, the problem for me I have come to realize is that I need him to get me going and there is virtually no foreplay. I can tell when he is "in the mood" but he seldom truly initiates sex, he waits for me to respond to cues which would be completely unnoticeable to anyone else on the planet. (I again accept responsibility that my previous rejections, although not ever direct rejection, just kind of going to sleep or ignoring, have probably made him hesitant to pursue sex outright). In order to really get me going, I NEED him to be highly aggressive. Male dominance is my only turn-on. During intercourse, he can get pretty rough (which is a good thing) but I don't know how to explain that incorporating some of that attitude beforehand would = more interest from me, better sex, and more sex. Win/win I suppose. I just can't find a way to express this. As a 35 year old woman, I'm not sure I've ever even been drunk enough to say, "I really want you to put me over your knee and spank me HARD" (which is what I want more than ANYTHING). He's figured out that I like that sort of action (along with hair pulling and general manhandling) during sex. He hasn't figured out that acting in an aggressive manner before we engage would make me far more interested in sex. I know my fantasies well enough to know that if he actually did just randomly grab me and spank me I would HAVE TO HAVE HIM THEN. He could get what he wants whenever he wants it. So obviously this would be a good thing for him, too, BUT I JUST CAN'T SAY IT!!! Advice? Especially from the men (or women who have successfully conveyed these types of desires to their husbands?)

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