To do or not to do. That is the question.

So, I started a new thread, because I don't feel my issue with teasing is related to my question about abuse. I have pasted the highlights discussed in the other thread below. I will give an example that actually just happened to me like 10 mins ago. I'm doing dishes, husband approaches from behind and touches me, I turn around excited by this act of affection and jump on the counter top wrapping my legs around him. ( I apologize if this is graphic) he starts fingering me. I get excited, make a noise. He leans forward to kiss. I lean in to kiss and just before we kiss he pulls away grinning saying "you wish." ( uh ya, I do?!). I tell him he's mean he just smiles taps my butt and leaves the room. This kinda thing happens throughout the day into the evening sometimes resulting in sex, sometimes not. It happens almost everyday. I've tried to not respond, but that is how my H felt undesired by me and neglected and thus resentful. How do you take this kind of behavior? Posted via Mobile Device [Edit] [Reply] [!!] Holland 01:42 PM Yesterday Originally Posted by tracyishere: That is revolting behaviour. This man enjoys making you suffer, what a horrible way to behave. I would question how much he cares about or loves you, seems like he enjoys being nasty to you. What would he do if you started to give him a BJ and then walked away half way through? [Reply] [!!] 2ntnuf 01:43 PM Yesterday Interesting response. [Reply] [!!] tracyishere 01:44 PM Yesterday Ummm he's actually the one who has stopped me half way through a BJ and made me wait. ??? Posted via Mobile Device [Edit] [Reply] [!!] tyler1978 01:49 PM Yesterday If he was to do this and later on finish the job, I would think nothing of it. However, you state that he does this and then is not in the mood later. That is both bizaare and manipulative on his end. It is possible that he has some performance anxiety or low self confidence. Or he could have some unfulfilled fantasy that he chooses not to disclose to you. That is my best guess. [Reply] [!!] 2ntnuf 01:52 PM Yesterday Seems abusive. I don't think he even realizes from the sound of it. Seems like he thinks you know he is not going to do anything from past experience and yet you give him the go ahead to go forward by jumping on the counter and letting him go to town with you. He is not being empathetic at all. Sounds like he is a bit clueless. I imagine you did not do that before. Are you into that stage of your life where you are most high drive like SA always talks about? That would just amplify the hurt and pain. He needs to know that. Sounds like he thinks you're the same old tracy who used to have little trouble with that. I doubt he treats you much different than he always has. It's your reaction to it that's changed. He needs to understand. I don't think men fully understand this at all. It's not easy when his drive is probably going down on top of yours going up. This certainly is a problem. That would have been torture and was for me when x1 did similar back when I was the one who wanted it 6 days a week. I'd actually get sore if it was seven. Not because of a lack of lube. Seemed like I got sore from it trying to explode. hahahaha Ouch. :-) [Reply] [!!] tracyishere 01:54 PM Yesterday So if he were to finish the job later, you would consider this a tease right? But, if I were to approach him now, I bet I would get laughed at and shot down. That would be rejecting. Probably in an hour or so he will do something else to "tease" me and once he sees that it has had an affect he'll stop. Posted via Mobile Device [Edit] [Reply] [!!] tyler1978 01:57 PM Yesterday Yes, I would consider it a tease. Keeping the juices flowing throughout the day can help. However, he appears to either want to torment you a bit or something on his end inhibits him from finishing the job. I am a bit flabbergasted at your story, to be honest. [Reply] [!!] NewHubs 02:00 PM Yesterday I'm being tortured just reading this thread...yikes! I don't know if I could tease my wife like that and NOT finish...at least some point that day :-) [Reply] [!!] tracyishere 02:04 PM Yesterday Originally Posted by 2ntnuf: Seems abusive. I don't think he even realizes from the sound of it. Seems like he thinks you know he is not going to do anything from past experience and yet you give him the go ahead to go forward by jumping on the counter and letting him go to town with you. He is not being empathetic at all. Sounds like he is a bit clueless. I imagine you did not do that before. Are you into that stage of your life where you are most high drive like SA always talks about? That would just amplify the hurt and pain. He needs to know that. Sounds like he thinks you're the same old tracy who used to have little trouble with that. I doubt he treats you much different than he always has. It's your reaction to it that's changed. He needs to understand. I don't think men fully understand this at all. It's not easy when his drive is probably going down on top of yours going up. This certainly is a problem. That would have been torture and was for me when x1 did similar back when I was the one who wanted it 6 days a week. I'd actually get sore if it was seven. Not because of a lack of lube. Seemed like I got sore from it trying to explode. hahahaha Ouch. :-) Wow!! A trooper!! :-) Yes I am HD (very much so, that is why I'll jump on any opportunity that presents itself, no matter how slight the chance of scoring). I enjoy a tease now and then and I think most people would agree. But to be teased so frequently, it gets frustrating fast. He's always been a teaser. Sure when we first dated we'd jump in the sac every chance we got. But once we settled down a bit and the infatuation smouldered thats when the teasing started. Like I've said in another post. It used to bother me to the point where I resented him so much I began rejecting him. This behavior destroyed me early on. I felt undesirable and embarrassed. Now, I just go along with it. He enjoys it. It annoys me and pisses me off. But I know it's coming ( still hope by chance it won't) and it doesn't impact me that way anymore. I just see it as his way of "testing the waters". Posted via Mobile Device [Edit] [Reply] [!!] 2ntnuf 02:09 PM Yesterday This is not going to go well at all. I hope you find a solution. Many others here have not. I hope it doesn't lead to another divorce. I'm sorry for you and your husband. [Reply] [!!] 2ntnuf 02:13 PM Yesterday He's wrong, abusive and needs a wake up call. This is not good. You need a radical change in communication. He needs a radical change in his thinking and reaction to your needs. Good grief. He definitely needs to talk to someone and quick. This is just wrong on too many levels. Some teasing is normal, not like this though. [Reply] [!!] tracyishere 02:13 PM Yesterday Meh. It's not a deal breaker for me. I still have sex regularly and I no longer resent him or feel belittled by his behaviour. The way he enjoys it, his expression, the tap on the butt, the lingering glare, seems to indicate to me that he is being playful not angry or resentful. Posted via Mobile Device Just trying to understand it. [Edit] [Reply] [!!] Runs like Dog 06:28 PM Yesterday The first few years probably yes. After that, they're just part of the furniture. [Reply] [!!] Shoto1984 06:38 PM Yesterday After reading all your responses, I can only think his game is some kind of control thing. Which leads me to him being insecure in some way. If he were teasing you during the day and making good on it at bedtime fine. The part where you don't get to initiate and are rejected is a problem especially after he knows it hurts you. [Reply] [!!] tracyishere 07:33 PM Yesterday Ya, he's definately insecure. But how does that translate into this behavior? It's not really a big deal at this point anyway. Perhaps if I were more insecure it would be a bigger deal. But, if he ain't going to perform I always can count on the toy box!!! Lol. Posted via Mobile Device [Edit] [Reply] [!!] tracyishere 10:06 PM Yesterday K. After much thought i am going to say that I am partially responsible in that as 2nuf stated I am not communicating a desire for him to stop clearly. I actually reply in a teasing manner. I think this is because I don't necessarily want him to stop. ??? The scenario I mentioned above was beyond hot. So I guess I'm afraid that if I complain about it, he'll stop everything!! Perhaps a different approach would be better? But what? Posted via Mobile Device

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