I don't know if i'm gay or straight and it's driving me crazy.

I've always been a shy and reserved person. I've never had a girlfriend for two reasons- 1. I'm shy and not confident therefore it makes it difficult and 2. My parents have always said creepy stuff about having a girlfriend (Well not creepy, but stuff like 'Is that your girl friend' about every girl I ever spoke to). I assumed I was straight because it's the norm (if you want to have a childish argument about that statement please start your own thread) and my parents and most people I knew were straight. Whereas many of my friends went through puberty and started getting girlfriends and 'eying up girls', I didn't (The gf bit, not the puberty bit) because of my shyness and having built up an opinion that girlfriends are for when you're older (like 21 +). I have now reached 19, so that 21 is getting close and I still can't imagine having a girlfriend. Why? Because: 1. I can't see anyone would ever love me- i'm not attractive or special in any way. I'm not funny or flirty and I don't really share my emotions. I'm shy and not too confident. I know you'll say 'well that's just your opinion' but they are facts, not opinions. 2. I can't imagine how my family would react. I wouldn't be able to take the so called 'banter' from them. Plus they would keep asking me about her and it's something that I wouldn't want to keep talking about because i'd be embarrassed because I (for some reason) think of love as being childish and weird. 3. I don't really look at people and think 'Wow I want to spend the rest of my life with you'- probably because I rarely show my emotions and I don't really share my feeling with people. I have also noticed that girls have never really shown an interest in me so I started being conscientious of the way I dressed (However it's more likely to be because I am quiet and shy). As I am now getting to 19 and still don't have much of an interest in girls I started worrying that I may be gay. I don't want to be gay because I wouldn't be able to take all the stick and I would want to have children of my own. Please don't try and convince me being gay is good, because I would rather be single than gay (again, if you want to argue start your own thread). This, tied with my being conscious of how I look had made me look at guys and think 'He looks quite attractive- how could I look like him?', which makes me worried that I am more attracted to guys that girls. I have however had more interaction with guys (being one myself) than girls so I am more comfortable around and speaking to guys than I am with girls. When I was younger I remember my Nan told my mum that one of her friends had a gay son and she thought it was a bit odd (my nan is quite old fashioned- she still thinks it's alright to call people 'packis' on the street) and my Mum agreed. Recently the same sort of situation occurred but my mum said 'each to their own' implying that it's up to the person and she isn't that bothered if they are gay, straight or whatever. Me being a bit paranoid interpreted this as her thinking I am gay hence why she didn't agree with my nan and now I think some of what she says is implying I am gay (even though it's probably not). It's such a mess and it's screwing with my head. I know I shouldn't care but there is so much pressure these days to have girlfriends and stuff and it's driving me crazy. I'm over thinking so much and it's just grrrrrr... To be honest I don't even know what I want from this thread, i'm just venting and any comments are welcome. Sorry for the long thread. tl;dr: Probably best you didn't bother to read it.

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