I need some guidance...

Hi Everyone, I am new here and this is my very first post. Basically, I am newly single and am having a very hard time coping with this transition. 2 years ago I met the most amazing man I had ever dated, we had the same morals, values, goals, and had an instant attraction. We lived about 2 hours apart, but we made it work, he would travel here, or I would go to this city. Last year we hit a rough patch, and to be quite honest, I can't even remember why or what prompted it but it came out that he was being unfaithful. I found this out this past September. I was absolutely devastated. I loved him so much that I continued the relationship to make things work, and although it was hard I remained committed. I knew that he was sorry and that he wanted to work on it, we went to counselling and he still remains in therapy. Unfortunately, there were times when I would feel extremely insecure and unsure and questioned a lot, and most often would need his reassurance. He began to feel that it was a vicious cycle and we would always end up at the same place..and that was arguing. Two weeks ago he suggested that we take a "break" in order to prevent a breakup. I begged and pleaded for him to reconsider and told him that I would do whatever it takes for us to work it out (counselling, less time together, etc) but he was determined that a break was necessary. He indicated that we were still together but he just needed to clear his head and figure things out. He wasn't going to put a timeline on the break but I demanded one. He indicated a week. Well, (and this is embarassing) but I lasted 3 days and contacted him. I called him bawling my eyes out and begging him to not have a break and to just let things go back to normal. He was not overly impressed to hear from me, but did suggest for me to email him all of my thoughts and suggestions and he would respond. When he would respond he would keep it short, and just pretty much stated that all of my ideas sounded great but he was waiting to see his counsellor on that Wednesday to put things into perspective him. I was still so crushed. Well, we spoke after he had his counselling session and he indicated that he still was confused and needed more time, but that we were together. I asked if we could take the "break" off and he said yes. So we began to text a bit here and there.. Well, that Thursday night I received some very credible news that he had been seeing another girl for the last little bit. Once again I was absolutely broken. When I confronted him, he admitted to it. He said that he was really messed up, and needs space and time as he doesn't know what he wants. He stated that initially he thought that what he was missing was something that the girl was giving him but it turns out that it was just a rebound. He stated that he can't be in a relationship right now because he was "too messed up." He said that his stomach has bothering him and that he hasn't been really able to function. I do feel that he is sorry with how things have deteoriated with us. So, with all of that being said, we spoke on the phone all night as he went back and forth with us staying together and then us not. He stated that maybe he just needs time to realize that he needs a kick in the pants. He also reported that he will use his "time" wisely. I'm assuming he is not because I would have heard from him by now. I do know that the girl he is seeing just left her husband, and he has had a crush on her for years. :boggled: Basically, I know that I sound like the biggest loser, but I love him with my whole heart, and I hate it. I am only focusing on the good parts of our relationship and it is hard for me to see the negative in him. I guess I am holding onto hope that he will contact me and want me back... I just want some input from other people, my emotions are so raw right now and I feel completely "out of it" I need strength to get through this as each day I wake up and fight the urge to not call him. Thanks for reading...

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