feel like I'm dying

Hey everyone, thanks for reading. My husband and I have been married for ten months. I am 25, he is 32. Well, he has made a habit out of leaving everytime we argue or he decides to make something i say a huge deal. He leaves for hours on end to strip clubs and bars. He will come back whenever he feels like it and completely ignores my calls. He does it about once a month. The longest he's gone has been about 2.5 months. At first, he would accept blame and ask for forgiveness, say he wasn't going to drink or do that anymore. Now, he blames it on me. He doesn't apologize, he says its my fault because of how i am. This is how I am: I have a constant fear of him leaving and doing this what he does best. So sometimes i overreact and say he's up to something when he acts weird (like not answer the phone for a long time when i know he's capable). He then says he doesn't want to go.home to me and goes off bar hopping. I've packed a suitcase and have decided to stay at a hotel the rest of the week. I'm not going to pay any bills (I pay everything until he remembers we have bills). I feel like I'm mentally abused and have been brought to a low level. I constantly feel like its my fault. I'm to the point that he says something he likes on a woman and off I go looking for that n trying to get it to please him. But he still leaves, he still talks mean to me, still yells, still makes me feel unworthy. My husband is two different people. When he's good, he's great. But when he's bad, he's horrible. I can't ever get.over the bad though its been swept under the rug time n time again. I always move on just in hopes of having his love. He pulled the strip club, bar thing two days ago. Got home at 4am. Came back n if i bring anything up he alternates between saying its my fault or asking me if I'm trying to start a problem. I'm so lost. Please help. I would really like male answers. What am i doing wrong? What can i be doing wrong? Ps we don't have children together. He has two children who are my step n i love dearly. He was never married before. Posted via Mobile Device

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