Pregnant and Annoyed - Tales of Woe

My husband just doesn't get it. I am a fairly calm person (at least that is what most people think) and I've gotten to the point where I am just tired and worn down and do not even want to discuss our problems anymore because we don't seem to get anywhere. I can bury problems for a while but I feel that eventually they will just start to pile up and resurface so I'm not really sure what to do about that. Sorry this is going to be a long one... So last July 2012, my husband quit his job without telling me - he told me the next day when he got home. I am a stay at home mom with a small business so I do not make much or have health benefits. We also have a 3 year old. When he quit, he told me that he didn't want to tell me because he knew that I was not going to be "supportive". He had been unhappy at his job and almost got fired a year prior at which point I thought he would start looking for a new job but he didn't. I kept telling him that lots of people look for jobs while they have a job and that you don't just quit your job when you have a family that relies on you. So obviously I was not going to be supportive. He said the last thing he wants to do after work is look for work. At that point I just let him know that if he is not going to work, then he needs to at least make sure we have health insurance. We had just started trying to have another baby when he quit his job so I asked him if he still wanted to continue trying or if we should wait and he said it was not going to be a problem because he was going to get us health insurance (and I assumed he would look for a job in September). We probably had insurance for 3 months when he stopped paying for it which was the time I got pregnant. After I found out I was pregnant, I asked him if he had paid for our insurance and to make sure it was paid before I had to start going to the doctor because I was worried that if there was a lapse in payment that our rates might go up since I was pregnant. He said yes, everything should be fine with our insurance (apparently he thought that the insurance was set up for automatic payments). I went to my first doctor's appointment on December 31st then the day before I had to go in for my first trimester screening in January, I found out that I actually had no insurance since November 31st. I asked my husband to call the insurance company and he told me that we were just waiting for them to call and verify our information. A week passed and we still had not gotten any calls so I asked him for 5 days straight to follow up and he never did. Mind you, there is a two or three week window that this test needs to be taken so I can only wait so long for insurance to kick in. Finally, I decide to call another insurance company myself and in less than 30 seconds, I was informed that no one will insure me since I am already pregnant. Eventually I figured out that I could sign up for Medical so I called every doctor in the area but apparently no one takes Medical here. I finally found a clinic which said that I pretty much had no choice but to go there and that there is only one doctor that will deliver my baby. When I asked them what would happen if this doctor was not available, they responded by saying "Oh he'll be available". When I went in for my first check up, two older volunteers (65-70+) attempted to take my blood. I felt really uncomfortable after they had been switching the tourniquet back and forth between my left and right arm several times. I told them I could have my blood drawn at my hospital because I had already paid for my testing anyway but they REALLY wanted my blood. The older lady of the two said that I should let them try and if they couldn't get anything, then I can go to my hospital. Eventually she was able to get half a vial after yelling at the other volunteer about forgetting t o put the suction on and wasn't even sure if it was enough blood for the test. I came home with a bruised hand and threw my bandage at my husband's face. He laughed as if it was not a big deal. Soon after, my grandmother had passed away and we attended her viewing. I was helping out in setting things up and all of a sudden, I hear my son crying and my husband storms out with my son saying "We're leaving right now!" I go outside and ask what the problem is and he tells me I don't know how to discipline my son because he is running around making too much noise and it is disrespectful. First off, my son is three and no one seemed to care that he was running around having fun. My family loves having him around so it would have been far more disrespectful to leave the viewing early before my dad and aunts gave their speeches. My husband wasn't aware that there would be speeches and was hungry so he was a bit cranky. There was a TON of food there since I am Filipino but apparently none of it was good enough for him to eat (he can be a bit picky). I find out that my son was crying because he had thrown a bottle at a 7 year old kid and made the kid cry. The kid was fine aft er 5 minutes and no one made a big deal out of it except for my insane husband. I tell my husband that this was my grandmother's viewing, not a birthday party that we can just leave as a punishment to my son for throwing a bottle at another kid. I told him it was not his decision if we (my son and I) stay or go but he was welcome to leave himself. My husband did not apologize for days - he is horrible at apologizing so I wonder if he ever really means it. So the health insurance is a big deal to me because I feel that it is really important to get quality health care especially now that I am pregnant. My husband originally said he was going to look for work in September 2012. In January, after the funeral fiasco, I asked him when he was going to start applying for jobs and he said he would start working on his resume that week. After that, I told him that although it was upsetting to me that he did not agree with me about the importance of healthcare, I was no longer going to try to change his attitude and that I was not going to hound him about getting a job because he knows what he needs to do. Now that it is almost April, he has not made any attempts to look for work and every time I see him on his computer he is looking at bike parts. Apparently he cannot look for work after 8pm because evenings are for "relaxing". He does try to make us dinner and clean the house - he seems to want to be a stay at home dad - but I don't t hink that it is realistic. I told him that I appreciate him doing those things but I don't want him to make that his excuse for not looking for work. I have since started looking for work myself but it is stressful because I am starting to show and I cannot hide my belly for much longer. We do not have a ton of money but we are not starving and will never be homeless as the house we live in is owned by his mom. He pays her the mortgage every month out of his savings but it seems that he is only concerned about paying her and not our bills which actually involve due dates and late fees. He seems to care about what other people think and does not want me to talk about not having health insurance to my friends as if he were embarrassed but he does nothing to change our situation. He told my friend that he was looking for work months ago and told another friend he pays for our property taxes which is a total lie. He has always been horrible about paying for bills - he doesn't like to "let go" of his money. Every time I ask him for money to pay my credit cards (which I use for food, gas, etc), he makes a big deal of it. The last time I told him I was going to take money out, he told me to only take $500 which is barely enough to cover the balance. I worked so hard to get out of debt in my 20s so the last thing I want is to be in debt again. Before he quit his job I was trying to pay down his debt and hoped to be out of debt before I had a second baby - that is obviously not happening now. For months, I had told him that we needed to make a deposit for my son's school next year and he kept saying he was going to ask him mom to help because she had said she would pay for school. The day before it was due, I asked him to write a check and he said "ugh". When the payment was due, I asked him again for the check and he said he couldn't pay for it (even though he could have but he likes to have a fair amount of cash in his account). Then he says (the day the payment is due): "Do you even want our son to keep going to school there?" and "Do you think we'll lose our spot?" If I didn't want our son to continue school there, I would not have asked him for a check 10 times! And of course we will lose our spot as this is the type of school that you need to sign up for when you have the baby! So I had to scramble to get the money together which I luckily had. I am frustrated with his issues with money so I am at the point where I just make sure I cover my a** and my son's - I am working as much as I can to cover my bills and make sure my son has health insurance. In the past, my husband has told me not to work so much - to "take a break" - but then he will not want to give me money to pay my bills so then I end up not having enough money because he told me not to work! I wish he would just be upfront about what he is and is not going to do or pay for so I can prepare myself to cover it. I feel that my husband is just irresponsible and doesn't even care that I am stressed out and pregnant. He knows how important it is for me to pay bills on time and have health insurance but they are not important to him. I would think that as a husband, you would want your wife to feel that she can rely on you. But I do not feel that I can rely on him and that to me is sad. I feel that all I can do is take deep breaths, try to think like a single mom, and repeat the serenity prayer to myself.

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