I'm falling in love with my ex husband again

I have been lurking for a while and maybe you guys could help me out :) Ok I and my ex Husband were together for 7 years had 3 kids. We got married very young I was 17 he was 18 at the time. The reason why we got a divorce was because he was very immature mostly due to his age and wanting to always go out. He would always leave me to take care of the kids. This would lead to us always fighting and arguing about stupidest things with no reason. It got to the point where all we would do is fight and it was mostly always in front of the kids, it got to the point where I took are 3 kid and went to my parents. He would call to tell me he missed me and he sorry and he would change. Everything was good for about years. He stared working as a corporate lawyer. He stared to make more money than ever before he was about 24 at the time. He stared having affairs with different girls when he would go and his business trips and even had one with his boss. He pretty much became a player and workaholic. The only thing that mattered to him was work and the girls he was banging on the side. Me and are kids where on the back burner. All this time I was living in a fairytale I'm think he was hard at work to support me and my kids. I was happy thinking maybe he final grown up and was finally ready to be the man I need him to be. Well I don't know what I was thinking. One day he came late fromwhat I thought was work but he really came from one of his other girl's house. The dumb ass forgot take the condom off. I can't even begin to tell you how badly it hurt me. I was beyond shattered. He said he understood if I wanted to go but he hoped I wouldn't. I said nothing...I was stunned. I took the kids and went to my sister's place. He kept calling and saying how sorry he was and that he missed me and the kids and begged me to come home....so I did. I still don't know why but I did. He begged for forgiveness literally on his knees, and I told him I'd give it a try. I did try. But it was no use. I began to despise him. I hated making him dinner, keeping house, doing his laundry, all the things a wife should do, and I just couldn't. I couldn't even stand sleeping in the same bed as him so I was sleeping in the kid's room. Needless to say sex was a thing of the past; I wouldn't even let him touch me. It was no use...I tried for the better part of a year to make the hurt, anger and hate go away it just wouldn't. So I filed for divorce...I moved out and we got joined custody of the kids. For about that year he really did try to change his ways. He did all the right things. He exposed his affair himself put tracking app on this phone and quit his job. Spent more time with me and the kid, everything I wanted him to do before he was doing now. I end up going back to college. We were all ready divorced. He moved out and left everything in my name the house and the car and pretty much all his saving (I still haven't used it yet). We didn't even use lawyers mostly because he works with a bunch of lawyers and I think might of felt guilty or whatever. He pretty much gave me everything. I would go back to school and become an account and financial adviser and he also paid for that to. So he has helped me a lot since then and he has always paid child support. The more I think about I feel kind bad for taking so much from him and he never said one word. He has come out a lot worse them me I have a job career now (also thank to him) and making an ever good living. He still makes a very big salary and he still going very strong in his career. That's pretty much the quick version of what happened. February was our daughter's birthday and he came over for the party. We all had a really good time and it felt like a family. He has become a great dad. He stayed after the party to help me get the kids to bed and he even helped me clean up. We started talking and he told me missed a lot and he wished he never did what he did. I said I did too but it's too late. He said again how sorry he is and he started crying....then I started crying...we hugged and held each other for what felt like forever but really was a few minutes. It was getting late and he said he was going to go. I didn't want him to. I wanted to just hold him right there forever but I said goodnight and he left. All the feeling I had are coming back. I want to forgive him but how can I? What example would I be setting? "it's okay to let people walk all over you as long as they say 'sorry' it's all good", is that how I want my kids, family and friends to see me? As a weak, helpless person and what about him? Won't he feel that he can have this power to do whatever he wants and all he has to do is shed some tears and I'll come running back? But I love him...I've loved him since I was 15. My head is spinning! I'm so confused, hurt, sad, angry, embarrassed, scared, lonely....and every other negative emotion you can think of. Idk what to do anymore. It hurts to be with him, it hurts to be without him. What is the right thing to do? Pls any advice would be greatly appreciated...thanks Oh sorry if this is a little too long. :)

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