Hello all,
I've posted with some marital issues and loved opinions.
A quick recap...combined family, married for 2 years, together 10 yrs. Husband has three daughters, now 17, 19 and 23 (23 yr old from a different mother) Daughter (19) inherited Borderline personality disorder from her mother (serious mental illness). Youngest and oldest daughter normal. Lots of turmoil with 19 year old. Husband has always wanted to be a cool dad and acts more like a friend than a father. He set no boundaries, nor can he identify when the rages (splitting) occur. He denied any mental issues till doctor confirmed (even with mothers history).
Husband has always commented about questioning paternity on oldest daughter. Ex, dead wife was promiscuous, and caught in the act a few times. Both the girls look like their mother, however, there are strong physical attributes the 19yr old lacks from the father that the other two have.
After another huge explosion recently, I made husband and his daughter leave my home. Husband now wants to reconcile and agreed to MC. I don't want his daughter in my life and I see no other way than to divorce him. Husband carries a huge amount of guilt for mother who was never in their lives.
Stepdaughter has gotten physical lately, shoved me in passing in hallway and later after I made them leave my home, she punched my husband as hard as she could in the ear. She spent time in jail for attacking her boyfriend.
In considering reconciliation, I mentioned that his daughter is a danger and will not be allowed in my home. Husband immediately said he could not do this to her....
So lets fast forward and imagine a paternity test revealed HE IS NOT THE FATHER.....what will the feeling be for my husband? Will he feel even more guilty?? Never would I want the daughter to know.
My goal and intent for this test would be for my peace, my possible reconciliation with husband and hopes that he could step back from coddling her behavior like a normal parent should do. I certainly don't want to sever their relationship, I just want no part of her in my life. She is a repeat of her mother, who was incarcerated, violent and destroyed many lives...we learned she abused her current husband and she commit suicide last year.
Should this just be kept a big secret? Or would you want to know, being the father or stepmother?
Maybe I'm being selfish and should just move on with my own life.
I've posted with some marital issues and loved opinions.
A quick recap...combined family, married for 2 years, together 10 yrs. Husband has three daughters, now 17, 19 and 23 (23 yr old from a different mother) Daughter (19) inherited Borderline personality disorder from her mother (serious mental illness). Youngest and oldest daughter normal. Lots of turmoil with 19 year old. Husband has always wanted to be a cool dad and acts more like a friend than a father. He set no boundaries, nor can he identify when the rages (splitting) occur. He denied any mental issues till doctor confirmed (even with mothers history).
Husband has always commented about questioning paternity on oldest daughter. Ex, dead wife was promiscuous, and caught in the act a few times. Both the girls look like their mother, however, there are strong physical attributes the 19yr old lacks from the father that the other two have.
After another huge explosion recently, I made husband and his daughter leave my home. Husband now wants to reconcile and agreed to MC. I don't want his daughter in my life and I see no other way than to divorce him. Husband carries a huge amount of guilt for mother who was never in their lives.
Stepdaughter has gotten physical lately, shoved me in passing in hallway and later after I made them leave my home, she punched my husband as hard as she could in the ear. She spent time in jail for attacking her boyfriend.
In considering reconciliation, I mentioned that his daughter is a danger and will not be allowed in my home. Husband immediately said he could not do this to her....
So lets fast forward and imagine a paternity test revealed HE IS NOT THE FATHER.....what will the feeling be for my husband? Will he feel even more guilty?? Never would I want the daughter to know.
My goal and intent for this test would be for my peace, my possible reconciliation with husband and hopes that he could step back from coddling her behavior like a normal parent should do. I certainly don't want to sever their relationship, I just want no part of her in my life. She is a repeat of her mother, who was incarcerated, violent and destroyed many lives...we learned she abused her current husband and she commit suicide last year.
Should this just be kept a big secret? Or would you want to know, being the father or stepmother?
Maybe I'm being selfish and should just move on with my own life.
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