I don't know if the posts I've written before, only a couple, will show my back story. I dread having to write it again. Where I'm at now is having to live (in separate rooms), in the same house as my STBX. It's for financial reasons only and a desire to not put eachother in a financial disaster. Better said, to put me in a financial disaster. I was a SAHW for many yrs, lost my status in my field of experience, and just a year ago have worked my ... off with a new line of work.
I find sharing the same house a serious struggle as I think I'm the only one grieving over the loss of what once was my entire life, my best friend, my future.
I've noticed being around my STBX brings out the worst side of me. I feel I've become this nasty person that I've never been before. I know the stages of grief, and I'm doing my best. When I'm at work I'm fine, and when home I'm OK for a bit, but one little trigger can make me react in a way I find (by the nxt day), unbecoming of who I really am. I know I am better than this, and I'm being a bit irrational...but in the moment I can't seem to stop myself from making a comment, sending a txt/email, that in reality just makes the situation worse for both of us.
I take full blame for what I do, but while my STBX seems to think he's always in the right, and I am the source of all of the problems....his snappy remarks, looks, and attitude just put me through hell! I've told him I'll walk away if he continues to treat me this way, but in the "moment", I forget to correct myself and may send a txt or something in reply.
He is not a bad person, but not a good one either...I've dealt with some abuse (not that I'm afraid for my life)...but if running out the door and hiding in the trees with my dog, trying to keep him from responding to the calls for me...is any indication, well maybe you get the point or you don't. Those situations were few and far between. I've noticed as divorce was looming, the abuse was nothing but occasional verbal. Nothing I would ever turn someone in for.
He is successful in his career, one he did credit me with at one point for all of his climbing up the ladder. I am facing having to support myself, which I did before we met, but lost my status being a SAHW (helping to raise step children, caring for the house, put my life on hold).
SO, here I am trying to manage a new career, future uncertain, in the same house as him. He has been supportive enough to at least stay for 1 yr or less so I can support myself, but we share the same house.
I'm thankful he didn't up and walk out, scared about my future and ability to care for my horses on my small income...and dealing with him every day when I wish we could just live apart!
HE BRING OUT THE WORST OF ME, daily. I try to not over react, I try to keep things separate, but we run into eachother ALL of the time.
How can I work to let him go and keep my emotions/responses to a minimum? Seems like I just blurt things out I regret the next day...or have things I want to say to stand up for myself but I know it's pointless? I feel I'm becoming a bitter person at home, and I don't want to be that person.
We did 2 sessions of counseling, thats done. I've looked for an individual counselor, can't seem to find or commit to one due to work schedule, finances, and compatibility.
How do you all "self check", how you respond during all this stress?
Thx if you've read this all....ug.
I find sharing the same house a serious struggle as I think I'm the only one grieving over the loss of what once was my entire life, my best friend, my future.
I've noticed being around my STBX brings out the worst side of me. I feel I've become this nasty person that I've never been before. I know the stages of grief, and I'm doing my best. When I'm at work I'm fine, and when home I'm OK for a bit, but one little trigger can make me react in a way I find (by the nxt day), unbecoming of who I really am. I know I am better than this, and I'm being a bit irrational...but in the moment I can't seem to stop myself from making a comment, sending a txt/email, that in reality just makes the situation worse for both of us.
I take full blame for what I do, but while my STBX seems to think he's always in the right, and I am the source of all of the problems....his snappy remarks, looks, and attitude just put me through hell! I've told him I'll walk away if he continues to treat me this way, but in the "moment", I forget to correct myself and may send a txt or something in reply.
He is not a bad person, but not a good one either...I've dealt with some abuse (not that I'm afraid for my life)...but if running out the door and hiding in the trees with my dog, trying to keep him from responding to the calls for me...is any indication, well maybe you get the point or you don't. Those situations were few and far between. I've noticed as divorce was looming, the abuse was nothing but occasional verbal. Nothing I would ever turn someone in for.
He is successful in his career, one he did credit me with at one point for all of his climbing up the ladder. I am facing having to support myself, which I did before we met, but lost my status being a SAHW (helping to raise step children, caring for the house, put my life on hold).
SO, here I am trying to manage a new career, future uncertain, in the same house as him. He has been supportive enough to at least stay for 1 yr or less so I can support myself, but we share the same house.
I'm thankful he didn't up and walk out, scared about my future and ability to care for my horses on my small income...and dealing with him every day when I wish we could just live apart!
HE BRING OUT THE WORST OF ME, daily. I try to not over react, I try to keep things separate, but we run into eachother ALL of the time.
How can I work to let him go and keep my emotions/responses to a minimum? Seems like I just blurt things out I regret the next day...or have things I want to say to stand up for myself but I know it's pointless? I feel I'm becoming a bitter person at home, and I don't want to be that person.
We did 2 sessions of counseling, thats done. I've looked for an individual counselor, can't seem to find or commit to one due to work schedule, finances, and compatibility.
How do you all "self check", how you respond during all this stress?
Thx if you've read this all....ug.
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