I am 29 years old and i have been married for 3 years, together for 5, after getting engaged after 6 months - we fell madly and deeply in love so fast! But my husband said to me 4 weeks ago he wants a divorce. It was completely out of the blue for me, i didn't expect this. I thought we were so happy? i took him to Rome only a few months ago for his birthday and it was fine? I immediately asked if there was anyone else, to which he replied no.
The weeks before he told me he wanted a divorce he was being all lovely, and sending nice messages, and talking about us moving house. It all seemed fine?!
He said he has been unhappy for a while. I asked him why he didn't tell me sooner. He said he was scared of my reaction, as he thought i would get angry. We have had arguments on and off over the last year, but none that i thought was so serious?, (mainly about my insecurities: e.g. wondering who women are at work, and wondering who 'that girl is who just commented on his facebook picture', or the girl he may have just added' , and in addition, my anger: - i never got violent, but i got angry and frustrated with situations) - he said this latter reason was the main reason why he felt he couldn't really tell me what was wrong, because he was scared of my reaction.
Last week he was going away for nearly a week to see family for space, and before hand i had said whats the worse that could happen if we try again, it may / may not work - he said he would think about it. he returned to say he's thought - and doesnt want to. but what really got me.... is, i SEDUCED him after this conversation last week when we had both got out of the shower, i wanted him to have sex with me - and HE DID! we did, i thought it would change things - he said later that it was a huge huge mistake :(
Our arguments were never really discussed. we would argue... stop, i would pretty much forget it and we would move on with whatever we're doing. he has now claimed that whilst i was ok moving on, he said he never could, he was still 'not over' the argument, he continued to feel bad for a long time after (unbeknown to me)
He admits that he bottles stuff up.. even work related stuff he never really admitted any problems at work, he always tended to deal with it on his own, he didn't like sharing his problems .....
He said he had only decided upon divorce in the last week (perhaps in haste), but after saying it, he realised that it was the right decision.
He said we were more like best friends than husband and wife.
Our sex life was maybe once every 5 weeks or so, we generally just got on with our great life (or so it seemed)
One other thing - since he told me, i have noticed he has been 'online' more on Whats app and Facebook, and has now got instagram. He added lots of women (as he felt he couldn't before), and is now posting lots of photos of him having a great time.. he never used to do this... at the back of my mind i wondered whether he was chtting to someone else, especially as he's been active on whats app until the late hours of the night.. i questionned him about this, he said there was noone....
So now i am having the worst time of my life, he had space away to think about it and has confirmed this is definitely what he wants. He has now said we have nothing in common, and he has fallen out of love with me. he said he still cares, but that is it.
How do i cope with this? I have seen a therapist (no good, she just said i need a lot of time to deal with it), i have read articles, and spoken to family and friends, but all i feel is GUILT.. i look back at how i was with him (angry, or frustrated, or JEALOUS) - why did i do that?I realise now that i wrecked it. I know he couldn't feel he could tell me, and he admits fault with that, but if i hadn't have been like that in the first place it would have worked.
He said he wants the divorce process to be 'as nice as possible', as he doesn't want to hurt me any more than he has done, and the fact he's being all nice is making it worse. I told him i wish he had cheated on me, or was horrible - least that way i could hate him through this.
So i am faced, at 29 years old a divorce, to a man i am so deeply, madly in love with, and he has none of these feelings for me anymore. And i look at him and i see how amazing he is, i genuinely wonder if i will ever ever ever move on. I literally feel pain in my heart, and i guess there is fear of being alone too - i feel like i need to instantly go out ,or perhaps go on dating websites (even though i know i'm not ready - perhaps it's the only way i can get distracted enough to get me through this?) I don't have a mass amount of friends either, as they're all married off. my family are great, but they can only do so much.
I feel so incredibly alone. I don't know how to deal with this.
I love and miss him terribly. it makes it worse as he is unable to move out for another few months because of the mortgage. so seeing him every day is just killing me even more inside. His feelings for me have gone completely, he feels a 'release', he feels fine?! he looks all happy enjoying himself on pics on facebook, whilst i am a complete WRECK!
Any advice or ANYTHING, please please share it. I wanted it to work with him, but he flat out refuses as he does not want to - he has fallen out of love with me...
I am genuinely worried that i will never truly get over 'the love of my life' and worry that i will end up comparing everyone else to him, or won't be able to get him out of my mind as i am so crazily in love with him.
I feel so lost.
Help x
The weeks before he told me he wanted a divorce he was being all lovely, and sending nice messages, and talking about us moving house. It all seemed fine?!
He said he has been unhappy for a while. I asked him why he didn't tell me sooner. He said he was scared of my reaction, as he thought i would get angry. We have had arguments on and off over the last year, but none that i thought was so serious?, (mainly about my insecurities: e.g. wondering who women are at work, and wondering who 'that girl is who just commented on his facebook picture', or the girl he may have just added' , and in addition, my anger: - i never got violent, but i got angry and frustrated with situations) - he said this latter reason was the main reason why he felt he couldn't really tell me what was wrong, because he was scared of my reaction.
Last week he was going away for nearly a week to see family for space, and before hand i had said whats the worse that could happen if we try again, it may / may not work - he said he would think about it. he returned to say he's thought - and doesnt want to. but what really got me.... is, i SEDUCED him after this conversation last week when we had both got out of the shower, i wanted him to have sex with me - and HE DID! we did, i thought it would change things - he said later that it was a huge huge mistake :(
Our arguments were never really discussed. we would argue... stop, i would pretty much forget it and we would move on with whatever we're doing. he has now claimed that whilst i was ok moving on, he said he never could, he was still 'not over' the argument, he continued to feel bad for a long time after (unbeknown to me)
He admits that he bottles stuff up.. even work related stuff he never really admitted any problems at work, he always tended to deal with it on his own, he didn't like sharing his problems .....
He said he had only decided upon divorce in the last week (perhaps in haste), but after saying it, he realised that it was the right decision.
He said we were more like best friends than husband and wife.
Our sex life was maybe once every 5 weeks or so, we generally just got on with our great life (or so it seemed)
One other thing - since he told me, i have noticed he has been 'online' more on Whats app and Facebook, and has now got instagram. He added lots of women (as he felt he couldn't before), and is now posting lots of photos of him having a great time.. he never used to do this... at the back of my mind i wondered whether he was chtting to someone else, especially as he's been active on whats app until the late hours of the night.. i questionned him about this, he said there was noone....
So now i am having the worst time of my life, he had space away to think about it and has confirmed this is definitely what he wants. He has now said we have nothing in common, and he has fallen out of love with me. he said he still cares, but that is it.
How do i cope with this? I have seen a therapist (no good, she just said i need a lot of time to deal with it), i have read articles, and spoken to family and friends, but all i feel is GUILT.. i look back at how i was with him (angry, or frustrated, or JEALOUS) - why did i do that?I realise now that i wrecked it. I know he couldn't feel he could tell me, and he admits fault with that, but if i hadn't have been like that in the first place it would have worked.
He said he wants the divorce process to be 'as nice as possible', as he doesn't want to hurt me any more than he has done, and the fact he's being all nice is making it worse. I told him i wish he had cheated on me, or was horrible - least that way i could hate him through this.
So i am faced, at 29 years old a divorce, to a man i am so deeply, madly in love with, and he has none of these feelings for me anymore. And i look at him and i see how amazing he is, i genuinely wonder if i will ever ever ever move on. I literally feel pain in my heart, and i guess there is fear of being alone too - i feel like i need to instantly go out ,or perhaps go on dating websites (even though i know i'm not ready - perhaps it's the only way i can get distracted enough to get me through this?) I don't have a mass amount of friends either, as they're all married off. my family are great, but they can only do so much.
I feel so incredibly alone. I don't know how to deal with this.
I love and miss him terribly. it makes it worse as he is unable to move out for another few months because of the mortgage. so seeing him every day is just killing me even more inside. His feelings for me have gone completely, he feels a 'release', he feels fine?! he looks all happy enjoying himself on pics on facebook, whilst i am a complete WRECK!
Any advice or ANYTHING, please please share it. I wanted it to work with him, but he flat out refuses as he does not want to - he has fallen out of love with me...
I am genuinely worried that i will never truly get over 'the love of my life' and worry that i will end up comparing everyone else to him, or won't be able to get him out of my mind as i am so crazily in love with him.
I feel so lost.
Help x
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment