Good evening everyone. Like many of you on this forum, I am here to express my feelings and the situation I am going through, but also I would like some input based off you everyone's personal experiences or simply an outside parties speculation. Anyway, here goes:
My wife and I dated for a couple years back in highschool (we are currently in our late twenties), again a couple years after graduation in '05 and got back together for the final time a few years ago.
Everything felt right; the timing was finally appropriate, we had both matured (so I thought) and we're ready to take the next step. We moved in with each other into a cozy apartment, made love nightly (tmi?), and spent every moment we could with each other wether it was Netflix and dinner or out with mutual friends (her friends originally whom I was introduced to). During this period of our lives, we received a generous monetary gift from a relative, we went on fabulous vacations and put a down payment on a new home we both fell in love with and could see ourselves raising the beautiful kids we imagined we would have in it. I asked her to be mine for ever on a full moon-lit beach in Jamaica. She said yes. We were married October 24th 2014.
Cloud 9.
Then things began to change for the worse mearly 4 months into our marriage. She began spending time with her friends a little too much. When we would hang out with them as a couple, she would never want to leave and come home at an appropriate time (I have insomnia so late to me at a party is 2:30, a beyond reasonable time to call it a night). I would tell her it's time to go home and rest for work the next morning but, inebriated, it's hard to tell her anything (or sober for that matter). Her visits to her friends became more and more frequent to where I couldn't keep up, so I would stay home. Then it became
Her being with this friend, or that friend, or celebrating this friends cousins birthday, or "this other friend hasn't seen me in forever so in going over here", or the girls are going to the city so I won't be home tonight. You get my point. There is always something going on with some friend of hers and combine that with her job working at a theater and not getting home until 3am on the days she closes, I would got 3 sometimes 4 days without seeing her, on multiple occasions.
She values time with her friends more than time with her husband and it blows my mind. I expressed my feelings about her emotional and physical absence in our home and marriage and nothing was done on her part to rectify the situation. Naturally I became a little passive-aggressive, it's a flaw I consciously work on but its hard to contain certain remarks when you're feelings are being completely disregarded by your spouse. AND WE HAVENT EVEN BEEN MARRIED FOR A YEAR.
She wrenched a gap between us so wide and then, stone-cold faced demanded a divorce while folding laundry. I held my composure and told her it wasn't what she truly wanted (wishful thinking). I blamed the new birth control she had started taking a month prior which halts her period for 3 months, clearly screwing with hormones. I begged her to go to counsiling with me which she coldly denied at first until I "trapped her and pressured her into the idea". The whole while we are suppose to be working whatever this problem is (I have no idea how it got to this), she's still doing the same stuff. Going out with friends, not setting aside quality time to work on the relationship. Not bothering to fix anything with vigor. The times she did "try", her attitude was short with me and her tone full of resentment.
Alone for days on end with minimal, dismissive text communication if any with her and absolutely no answers as to why this is happening aside from "I just don't feel it anymore", I was losing it. Contemplating suicide, my head swimming, the gears constantly turning with nothing to grab on to. No answers. Not even a hint as to why my life is suddenly crashing down around me. I couldn't and still can't focus at work because the thought of how things got to this is always clouding my mind. I have history of depression and I'm fighting it the best I can, but it's all so exhausting both mentally and physically all the time.
In the midst of my emotional roller coaster, a friend noticed I was going through something without knowing what it was and asked if I wanted to talk about it. This friend is female. We met at an arcade/bar and I told her what was going on in my life, hoping to get a females perspective, and broke down cried like a lil girl in this crowded bar. My wife was going through phone records (still not sure why), saw I had texted this woman and approached her about it. My friend told her everything and now my wife accuses me of "emotionally cheating" on her and has her excuse to end things for good.
Throughout this whole ordeal she has been so cavalier and nonchalant about it all. She had checked out way before she brought the divorce up it seems and now it's actually happening. I may not have made the wisest choice to confide and seek council in a female friend, but in the dark place I was in, I needed to talk to someone, ANYONE who cares enough to listen. To get some answers I wasn't getting from my wife. I'm losing my mind trying to get inside hers and I don't know how much more I can take.
She blames me for holding her back and her not being able to go back to school because I'm persuing a degree. She blames
My passive-aggressiveness for her being gone all the time. She blames
Me for "emotionally cheating". This has all just happened so fast and out of nowhere.
Help
Thank you for your consideration. Please feel free to poke and prod and ask anything of you feel it will help me get s better understanding as to what's going on with my life.
Posted via Mobile Device
My wife and I dated for a couple years back in highschool (we are currently in our late twenties), again a couple years after graduation in '05 and got back together for the final time a few years ago.
Everything felt right; the timing was finally appropriate, we had both matured (so I thought) and we're ready to take the next step. We moved in with each other into a cozy apartment, made love nightly (tmi?), and spent every moment we could with each other wether it was Netflix and dinner or out with mutual friends (her friends originally whom I was introduced to). During this period of our lives, we received a generous monetary gift from a relative, we went on fabulous vacations and put a down payment on a new home we both fell in love with and could see ourselves raising the beautiful kids we imagined we would have in it. I asked her to be mine for ever on a full moon-lit beach in Jamaica. She said yes. We were married October 24th 2014.
Cloud 9.
Then things began to change for the worse mearly 4 months into our marriage. She began spending time with her friends a little too much. When we would hang out with them as a couple, she would never want to leave and come home at an appropriate time (I have insomnia so late to me at a party is 2:30, a beyond reasonable time to call it a night). I would tell her it's time to go home and rest for work the next morning but, inebriated, it's hard to tell her anything (or sober for that matter). Her visits to her friends became more and more frequent to where I couldn't keep up, so I would stay home. Then it became
Her being with this friend, or that friend, or celebrating this friends cousins birthday, or "this other friend hasn't seen me in forever so in going over here", or the girls are going to the city so I won't be home tonight. You get my point. There is always something going on with some friend of hers and combine that with her job working at a theater and not getting home until 3am on the days she closes, I would got 3 sometimes 4 days without seeing her, on multiple occasions.
She values time with her friends more than time with her husband and it blows my mind. I expressed my feelings about her emotional and physical absence in our home and marriage and nothing was done on her part to rectify the situation. Naturally I became a little passive-aggressive, it's a flaw I consciously work on but its hard to contain certain remarks when you're feelings are being completely disregarded by your spouse. AND WE HAVENT EVEN BEEN MARRIED FOR A YEAR.
She wrenched a gap between us so wide and then, stone-cold faced demanded a divorce while folding laundry. I held my composure and told her it wasn't what she truly wanted (wishful thinking). I blamed the new birth control she had started taking a month prior which halts her period for 3 months, clearly screwing with hormones. I begged her to go to counsiling with me which she coldly denied at first until I "trapped her and pressured her into the idea". The whole while we are suppose to be working whatever this problem is (I have no idea how it got to this), she's still doing the same stuff. Going out with friends, not setting aside quality time to work on the relationship. Not bothering to fix anything with vigor. The times she did "try", her attitude was short with me and her tone full of resentment.
Alone for days on end with minimal, dismissive text communication if any with her and absolutely no answers as to why this is happening aside from "I just don't feel it anymore", I was losing it. Contemplating suicide, my head swimming, the gears constantly turning with nothing to grab on to. No answers. Not even a hint as to why my life is suddenly crashing down around me. I couldn't and still can't focus at work because the thought of how things got to this is always clouding my mind. I have history of depression and I'm fighting it the best I can, but it's all so exhausting both mentally and physically all the time.
In the midst of my emotional roller coaster, a friend noticed I was going through something without knowing what it was and asked if I wanted to talk about it. This friend is female. We met at an arcade/bar and I told her what was going on in my life, hoping to get a females perspective, and broke down cried like a lil girl in this crowded bar. My wife was going through phone records (still not sure why), saw I had texted this woman and approached her about it. My friend told her everything and now my wife accuses me of "emotionally cheating" on her and has her excuse to end things for good.
Throughout this whole ordeal she has been so cavalier and nonchalant about it all. She had checked out way before she brought the divorce up it seems and now it's actually happening. I may not have made the wisest choice to confide and seek council in a female friend, but in the dark place I was in, I needed to talk to someone, ANYONE who cares enough to listen. To get some answers I wasn't getting from my wife. I'm losing my mind trying to get inside hers and I don't know how much more I can take.
She blames me for holding her back and her not being able to go back to school because I'm persuing a degree. She blames
My passive-aggressiveness for her being gone all the time. She blames
Me for "emotionally cheating". This has all just happened so fast and out of nowhere.
Help
Thank you for your consideration. Please feel free to poke and prod and ask anything of you feel it will help me get s better understanding as to what's going on with my life.
Posted via Mobile Device
Put the internet to work for you.
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