After a two week vacation with the kids, I came home to my husband who had been here at the house and he was a total jerk. He walked into the garage when we pulled in and walked on by. That was all I saw of him and all the kids saw of him then he had the nerve to start yelling at me, calling me names and insulted me all in front of my youngest who started to cry. I told him he had to go and he did but then the Txts started coming and he tried telling me that he wanted to talk and hear about our vacation as if things were normal and when I told him that wasn't happening anyway he started in again only he got outright mean and then said that we need to talk.
He refuses to talk to me about the kids or bills and more importantly, a divorce and then because after calling me names and telling me to shut the f*ck up in front of the 11 year old who started crying because of the things he was saying to me but now wants to talk and I'm supposed to be open to that.
I feel so beat down and so depressed. I want him out of my life as much as he can be with the kids but he doesn't even attempt to talk to them and doesn't care that they need things to get done and he's not lifting a finger to help. I can do this but the hardest part is talking to the kids about him and the stupid things he says and his threats. I can't stand that he threatened one of the girls with physical harm and I can't do a thing unless he actually follows through..... So he's been violent with me and he's making threats to them but even with the history, I can't add them to the restraining order until he actually hurts them. That's insane and it hurts. Idk what I will do if he follows through. I don't want to see my kids hurt because of him.
I just don't know how much longer I can take all of this. Something has to give because I am about ready to break and I don't want that to happen. Not now. Im too depressed and just can't take much more.
Im sorry Im always here whining. I literally have nobody I can really talk to here at home. My circle of local friends consists of two ppl I know I can talk to but one is out of town and the other just separated from her husband and she's coming to me for advice but Im all tapped out. My best advice is just to stay away from relationships in general. It's not worth this. I have spent 18 years dealing with this and am so stupid for putting up with it for more than a week. I really messed this one up and gave my daughters all of the wrong life lessons. They think getting hit is something you can overlook. I ruined them and I don't want them to repeat my mistakes when they start looking for a husband. I don't feel like I'll ever be the same again and I can't stand the thought that if they end up in abusive relationships, it's all my fault. They are wonderful girls and I don't deserve them or anything good. I have health issues and almost died a couple of times and sometimes I wo nder what it would be like for them if I had..... Anyway..... Im sorry Im whining again. I'll stop now and shut up.
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He refuses to talk to me about the kids or bills and more importantly, a divorce and then because after calling me names and telling me to shut the f*ck up in front of the 11 year old who started crying because of the things he was saying to me but now wants to talk and I'm supposed to be open to that.
I feel so beat down and so depressed. I want him out of my life as much as he can be with the kids but he doesn't even attempt to talk to them and doesn't care that they need things to get done and he's not lifting a finger to help. I can do this but the hardest part is talking to the kids about him and the stupid things he says and his threats. I can't stand that he threatened one of the girls with physical harm and I can't do a thing unless he actually follows through..... So he's been violent with me and he's making threats to them but even with the history, I can't add them to the restraining order until he actually hurts them. That's insane and it hurts. Idk what I will do if he follows through. I don't want to see my kids hurt because of him.
I just don't know how much longer I can take all of this. Something has to give because I am about ready to break and I don't want that to happen. Not now. Im too depressed and just can't take much more.
Im sorry Im always here whining. I literally have nobody I can really talk to here at home. My circle of local friends consists of two ppl I know I can talk to but one is out of town and the other just separated from her husband and she's coming to me for advice but Im all tapped out. My best advice is just to stay away from relationships in general. It's not worth this. I have spent 18 years dealing with this and am so stupid for putting up with it for more than a week. I really messed this one up and gave my daughters all of the wrong life lessons. They think getting hit is something you can overlook. I ruined them and I don't want them to repeat my mistakes when they start looking for a husband. I don't feel like I'll ever be the same again and I can't stand the thought that if they end up in abusive relationships, it's all my fault. They are wonderful girls and I don't deserve them or anything good. I have health issues and almost died a couple of times and sometimes I wo nder what it would be like for them if I had..... Anyway..... Im sorry Im whining again. I'll stop now and shut up.
Posted via Mobile Device
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