Hey, I was wondering if I could get some insight. I've been dating a guy for a year and 4 months now. Before this he'd never been in a relationship for even a year. He was always in and out of relationships and when we met he thought it was going to be another fling but it turned into more pretty quickly. He fell head over heels (as I did) and took me to look at engagement rings and was talking about kids early on. I was in shock but digging it. We got into a routine of spending pretty much every day at his house but I never moved in. Now he's getting stressed and having ups and downs and unsure and has said that maybe it is cold feet but that he doesn't think he's ready for this relationship. That when he gets married that is it relationship-wise and he believes that you don't mess around after that and he doesn't want to mess up so...he needs a break (to mess up a little first?). He said this will be like a test for us...that I am the girl he wanted to find all along but now that he found me he doesn't know what to do next...that he doesn't feel fully like a man yet...so I told him I needed to get all my stuff out of his place and for him to call me if he feels like it. He was a little bothered that I wasn't going to call him but I don't think he'll figure out whether his dissatisfaction is related to his job...himself...or our relationship if I don't get out of the picture for some time. He said that ideally we would date and work on our communication and see if we can be friends without the random sex and without just spending all (or any) time bumming around at home. And we actually have gone on a lot of interesting dates but still...we were together 24/7 except for work and sleep. I told him I'd be up for going out and doing something and for him to just give me a call. So after I packed up my stuff and left we spent the next day not contacting each other at all and it was so hard for me to sleep that night. I got a co uple of texts from his first thing the next morning (it was like a defibrillator on my heavy heart) and his texts said sorry to bother me but he just hopes I have an amazing week and he misses me and he has been thinking about me a lot and hopes everything is ok. So I just responded with, "thank you!!!" because i was grateful that he shocked my broken heart back to life and I kept it short because I was afraid to let his words comfort me too much in case he was just writing that out of sadness and guilt even though maybe he's trying to get over us so he can be free of this relationship. Now it has been a week since we started this break (he didn't want to give it a name or call it a break or a breakup or anything...). and even though I know I need to be focusing on myself (and I'm doing a lot of reading and learning and trying to make sure I never fall back into a relationship where I am SO dependent on someone to keep my heart alive again) I am still waiting to hear my phon e ring and wondering if I should have any hope that he will come back to me. I don't know if the, "no contact," rules should really apply here since he held me and cried with me and told me he loved me and that he would call me when we were parting last week. Is no contact (until he contacts me first) the only way to keep my dignity? Because if I keep giving him assurance when he's not 100%...I feel like we'll keep repeating the same problem. Thank you for any manly input you can offer.
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