| Hi everyone, Maybe some of guys remember me from around December when I asked about the physical side of a relationship and how important it is. Well before I get into all of this, a little about myself. I'm 21. This is my first relationship. Me and my partner are both in college, live in the same building, and are both each others firsts. I would like to give a few points and tell you guys my thought process and was wondering if you guys could give me some advice. - I remember getting excited around her (physically- if you know what i mean ;) ) in the beginning. I would hold her hand, kiss her, be around her, or hug her and I would get "excited" ----> but could this have all been because I had never been with another girl - When we used to fool around I would find it really hard for me to think about her. I would often times have to think about someone other girls. I feel so bad but in the beginning of the relationship I just over looked this fact. ----> When i first encountered this problem I thought it might have to do with me watching porn, but I stopped for nearly a month and half but it didnt help. -I've never really lusted over her. In other words, I never fantasized about her whenever I was alone. I mean, I would always want to be with her and hang out with her, and would neglect other aspects of my life so I could be with her. -And yes, we've had sex maybe like 15 times in the past 6 months. We started dating August of last year. And I haven't told her about me not being sure of my physical attraction towards her. It would just devastate her and any girl for that matter. We've even called it quits twice. But the first time it lasted a week and the last time it lasted less than a day. So I really don't count the second time around. I just really care for her. And this isn't one of those relationships that started out where I viewed her as a friend. I viewed her as being really beautiful. And I still think that for the most part. And what makes it even harder is that she is everything I would want in a lifelong partner. I have a month till school starts to get everything straight. I've been depressed at the thought of breaking up with her but maybe I just need to give it some time. And I'm also worried that after I break up with her, a few weeks or even a few years down the line I'm going to realize that I WAS physically attracted to her all along but I was just really stupid to realize it. Gosh I know I need to man up. But I just want to cry. I've been thinking about going to a therapist to discuss this. Because not only do I have this running around my head, I also have self-diagnosed myself as an OCD sufferer. And on top of that, I have very low self confidence/esteem/insecurity. Help please! | |||
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