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My life is a mess right now!

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I am in a mess right now. I have been raised as a Muslim, to precise I come from a strict religious background however since February last year I started to question things and slowly distance myself from the religion. I still believe in god though.

My father died when I was 8 years old, so I live alone with my mother and sisters. I never had a good relation with any of them apart from my two little sisters which are slowly starting to distance themselves from me. I have the impression that my mother does not like me much and will often insult me without any reasons. I have to admit that she can get very aggressive too. Not only with me, with my sisters too. I kind of feel like the black dot in this family. I am away from home most of the time due to work and only come in the evening. I love my mother, she is the only family I have including my sisters. My mother was abandoned as a kid by her mother.

Now, if my mother was to learn that I left Islam, she won't talk to me ever and keep me out of her life. Islam comes first.

I have enough money to support myself financially and thought of moving out. However, my mother is definitely against that and again she might not talk to me ever.

I don't want to loose my family but at the same time I don't want to pretend to be someone I am not.

Guys any advice?

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