A little over a year ago I made a post on Reddit. Today I checked my inbox and saw a request that I repost that post here. So here you go.
"So, tonight I hate my wife. Maybe tomorrow I'll love her, but tonight I hate her.
I have a hearing in four hours. A person is depending on me to represent them, to make a wrong right, and I haven't slept. I've been drinking coffee. I've been smoking cigarettes. I've been thinking. And I hate my wife.
It's been over a year, but on nights like tonight it feels like yesterday. Yesterday that I read the messages. Yesterday that I caught them together. Yesterday that I had every bit of my heart ripped out of me. So right now, I hate my wife.
I hate her for the lies.
I hate her for the pain and doubt.
I hate her for how she ignored our children for him.
I hate her for telling me to "let go."
I hate her for not understanding why I can go from fine to not fine in a second, for not getting why I'm not okay with her working late, for not figuring out why I can't watch certain movies or shows. For not "getting it" when I come home silent after working with a divorce client.
Most of all, I hate her for taking away my ability to trust her unconditionally and without doubt. I hate that nobody who meets her anymore says "We can tell how much he loves you when he talks about you" because...I don't talk about her like that anymore. Not with my colleagues. I don't trust myself not to say something. I hate that I get to doubt, to sit, to worry, and never ever ask her to understand.
I hate my wife tonight. Tomorrow I'll probably love her, but tonight I hate her. It's been a year and the wound's still open...closing, but open. it will heal eventually, but even then the scar will always mar my heart and thoughts, faded and faint, but there still. And, for those months a year ago, no matter how much I love her, I will know that some quiet part of me will, in some way, always hate my wife."
"So, tonight I hate my wife. Maybe tomorrow I'll love her, but tonight I hate her.
I have a hearing in four hours. A person is depending on me to represent them, to make a wrong right, and I haven't slept. I've been drinking coffee. I've been smoking cigarettes. I've been thinking. And I hate my wife.
It's been over a year, but on nights like tonight it feels like yesterday. Yesterday that I read the messages. Yesterday that I caught them together. Yesterday that I had every bit of my heart ripped out of me. So right now, I hate my wife.
I hate her for the lies.
I hate her for the pain and doubt.
I hate her for how she ignored our children for him.
I hate her for telling me to "let go."
I hate her for not understanding why I can go from fine to not fine in a second, for not getting why I'm not okay with her working late, for not figuring out why I can't watch certain movies or shows. For not "getting it" when I come home silent after working with a divorce client.
Most of all, I hate her for taking away my ability to trust her unconditionally and without doubt. I hate that nobody who meets her anymore says "We can tell how much he loves you when he talks about you" because...I don't talk about her like that anymore. Not with my colleagues. I don't trust myself not to say something. I hate that I get to doubt, to sit, to worry, and never ever ask her to understand.
I hate my wife tonight. Tomorrow I'll probably love her, but tonight I hate her. It's been a year and the wound's still open...closing, but open. it will heal eventually, but even then the scar will always mar my heart and thoughts, faded and faint, but there still. And, for those months a year ago, no matter how much I love her, I will know that some quiet part of me will, in some way, always hate my wife."
Put the internet to work for you.
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