Hello,
would I be able to get some advice please? I'm a 31 year old male currently married (since last August) and I have been with the same woman for 10 years. I'm beginning to wonder if I have married a woman who is manipulative and doesn't really love me, it's also important to note i would do anything for this woman. Obviously this is a very difficult time and when I confide in my family they all make out the reason I am unhappy is because I have had a couple of issues with depression in the past, so they basically make out it's all my fault and do not take anything I have to say into any kind of consideration at all. I know I have had my issues, we all do in life right1? However, is it really normal when I am feeling completely fine to feel unhappy?
I don't want to give up on our marriage, but I am constantly disrespected by her, and I feel like a walking ATM machine to be completely honest. I became quite successful within the last couple of years so it's never been about the money as I had non when we got together, but now if I am honest that's what it feels like. My wife never does things to show me that she cares, and I am a bit of a walkover as I regularly do romantic things for her, take her out for nice meals, take her for trips away, pay for expensive abroad holidays, and even do the things that really matter like putting a picture frame of our lives together for her, all the make her happy. Even with that stuff I feel like she's not bothered about it, she got emotional when I made a 10 year book for us with photos throughout our time together, but apart from that I don't feel any real emotions or reactions from her to these things I do.
One of the main issues we've had (even though our sex life for a married couple is probably quite normal - 3 times a month) is the fact in 7 years she has only initiated sex once or twice. She's constantly admitted she has been selfish and things will change, but they simply never have. She also never does any sexual acts for me that I like because she doesn't like them, when in return obviously if you're a couple you want to fulfil each others needs right? The fact she doesn't come on to me has always really bothered me, it makes me feel neglected, unattractive, and a bit of a loser to be honest. I could understand if I was really unattractive or had something wrong with me, but I am just an average looking bloke in decent shape, so I really don't get it? It's become that bad that even when a woman recently flirted with me at a petrol station telling me I smelt lovely and giving me all the signals for a brief encounter that lasted probably a couple of minutes it made me feel more alive than my wife has done for years. That brief encounter and bit of attention from a woman made me feel electric for the entire day, and I am a very loyal person so I would never stray but it's clear that this is a huge void in our marriage, and only for me as I literally always come on to her, make the effort, etc etc.
Currently she is is desperate to have kids, but I am not excited about this at all, is that telling me something? I don't want to end up in a situation where I am completely trapped because of the kids, especially when you have young children to think about, and I would simply never leave for the sake of kids either, i am not that selfish and I think it would have a terrible impact on them from an upbringing point of view. I'm starting to wonder if I just need to leave, or am I simply confused and this is just part of marriage and life?
I have had problems with depression, and like everyone in life we've all had our issues right? The strange thing is even when I am feeling perfectly fine, I still don't feel happy when I think about my wife and our relationship. If I am not getting positivity, joy, and happiness from our time together then that's not a good thing is it?
I would love to hear from anyone in a similar situation. I have been confused for a very ling time about all of this and today I finally put my foot down after an argument telling her I will not be disrespected, she's very clever in making me feel like rubbish when she is the one who has initially upset me, so for once in my life I am going to do my own thing today and basically just cut off from her for a few days, I can't just bow down too all her needs every single time, I have given up and given in loads to make her happy in the past when we've argued but she is INCREDIBLY stubborn and enough is enough today I am not backing down, I just want me own space to be my own man.
Please can anyone with a similar experience give me some advice, and thanks in advance for reading!
would I be able to get some advice please? I'm a 31 year old male currently married (since last August) and I have been with the same woman for 10 years. I'm beginning to wonder if I have married a woman who is manipulative and doesn't really love me, it's also important to note i would do anything for this woman. Obviously this is a very difficult time and when I confide in my family they all make out the reason I am unhappy is because I have had a couple of issues with depression in the past, so they basically make out it's all my fault and do not take anything I have to say into any kind of consideration at all. I know I have had my issues, we all do in life right1? However, is it really normal when I am feeling completely fine to feel unhappy?
I don't want to give up on our marriage, but I am constantly disrespected by her, and I feel like a walking ATM machine to be completely honest. I became quite successful within the last couple of years so it's never been about the money as I had non when we got together, but now if I am honest that's what it feels like. My wife never does things to show me that she cares, and I am a bit of a walkover as I regularly do romantic things for her, take her out for nice meals, take her for trips away, pay for expensive abroad holidays, and even do the things that really matter like putting a picture frame of our lives together for her, all the make her happy. Even with that stuff I feel like she's not bothered about it, she got emotional when I made a 10 year book for us with photos throughout our time together, but apart from that I don't feel any real emotions or reactions from her to these things I do.
One of the main issues we've had (even though our sex life for a married couple is probably quite normal - 3 times a month) is the fact in 7 years she has only initiated sex once or twice. She's constantly admitted she has been selfish and things will change, but they simply never have. She also never does any sexual acts for me that I like because she doesn't like them, when in return obviously if you're a couple you want to fulfil each others needs right? The fact she doesn't come on to me has always really bothered me, it makes me feel neglected, unattractive, and a bit of a loser to be honest. I could understand if I was really unattractive or had something wrong with me, but I am just an average looking bloke in decent shape, so I really don't get it? It's become that bad that even when a woman recently flirted with me at a petrol station telling me I smelt lovely and giving me all the signals for a brief encounter that lasted probably a couple of minutes it made me feel more alive than my wife has done for years. That brief encounter and bit of attention from a woman made me feel electric for the entire day, and I am a very loyal person so I would never stray but it's clear that this is a huge void in our marriage, and only for me as I literally always come on to her, make the effort, etc etc.
Currently she is is desperate to have kids, but I am not excited about this at all, is that telling me something? I don't want to end up in a situation where I am completely trapped because of the kids, especially when you have young children to think about, and I would simply never leave for the sake of kids either, i am not that selfish and I think it would have a terrible impact on them from an upbringing point of view. I'm starting to wonder if I just need to leave, or am I simply confused and this is just part of marriage and life?
I have had problems with depression, and like everyone in life we've all had our issues right? The strange thing is even when I am feeling perfectly fine, I still don't feel happy when I think about my wife and our relationship. If I am not getting positivity, joy, and happiness from our time together then that's not a good thing is it?
I would love to hear from anyone in a similar situation. I have been confused for a very ling time about all of this and today I finally put my foot down after an argument telling her I will not be disrespected, she's very clever in making me feel like rubbish when she is the one who has initially upset me, so for once in my life I am going to do my own thing today and basically just cut off from her for a few days, I can't just bow down too all her needs every single time, I have given up and given in loads to make her happy in the past when we've argued but she is INCREDIBLY stubborn and enough is enough today I am not backing down, I just want me own space to be my own man.
Please can anyone with a similar experience give me some advice, and thanks in advance for reading!
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