My wife and I have been married for a little less than a year now. I guess this is where the whole thing about having a private little ceremony with family backfires on me, because it really didn't become a public spectacle in any regard. Some friends on both sides, family, and the people at our office know, but without the massive wedding, the fancy photos, the save-the-date postcards, and the Facebook attention whoring, we usually have to tell people that we're married. Reunite with an old friend? "Hey, so I got married last year!". That kind of stuff.
The problem I'm having is that I feel as if everyone in my wife's life feels at liberty to ask her out to things "as friends". She'll boo and hiss whenever I have reservations about it, and the subject itself has gotten heated. It's one thing to meet for a coffee or something, and it's another thing to be asked to be someone's wedding date, or to go to the town fair/concert with another man for an entire night. In some instances, I can assume the guy just does not know, and innocently asks. If you were to make an assessment on us on Facebook, for example, you'd think we're just casual friends. We're not "married on Facebook", nor do we constantly interact, post pictures, tag outings, and that kind of stuff. Other people, like the manager at her office, do know that she's married, and will still ask her out to things.
You might think that I'm probably insecure, overprotective, or domineering (her favorite words), but there's a big difference between Mikey from down the street that you've known your whole life (for example), and Andy, who hasn't been subtle in professing his love for you in the past. As far as the manager goes, he's just old, creepy, and lonely. But in the Andy example, I just don't trust. Add to the fact that 3 beers in, and my wife is so drunk that you need subtitles to understand what she's saying, I feel like I'm not exactly in the greatest position to trust.
All of my married friends, regardless if I am friends with the husband or the wife first, are a package deal. Obviously, I can always find time alone with the husband, but I wouldn't dare to ask out the wife one-on-one, taking advantage of my "I'm married too" card. I've never had a problem with that, either. My wife will be so casual about being asked out, that she'll assume that I'll be so cool with it that she can just mention it because it's no big deal to me, and she's all but agreed to go. It's always "just a friend", it's always "just the manager". She's yet to actually go to anything. It's not that I have a problem trusting her, but one, I don't run an escort service, and two, I don't trust anyone around her when she's drunk.
I dated a girl once, much like her (in terms of the creepy beta friend and the low tolerance), and she had her little creepy guy friend that she always insisted was harmless and just a friend. One night, she went over to his place for a party, when she calls me crying later that night. He had gotten her drunk, she had passed out drunk, and when she came to, he was on top of her moments away from climax. That was her lovely, innocent, perfect little guy friend that she loved to defend so much. It was horrible, and had she not called the cops, I'm sure I would've killed him. I'll never relive that one again.
Now on my wife's side, she's probably pissed that her ex was a lot more liberal than I was, but that's because he was cheating on her the entire time. So all she gathered out of that was that he was cool to let her go out, go to weddings with the same friend, but not that he was doing so to get some alone time with his side chick. But enough about our pasts, the glaring difference here is that we're both married, and I'm having a hell of a hard time figuring out how to set my boundaries so that people don't feel so eager to approach my wife with this nonsense.
My wife is smart, she reads, and is good at her job... you know, that kind of stuff. But growing up, she was extremely sheltered, and henceforth, her mind is completely in 1985 mode. She truly believes in the good in people, meanwhile I'm definitely a lot more jaded, because I've been burnt badly, and I've heard the worst stories from my friends imaginable. Point I'm making is that she'll help a guy in a dark alley move a couch into his windowless van because he looks like he needs the help, whereas I've seen The Silence of the Lambs.
So what should I do? Start a smothering campaign on Facebook to say that I'm married? Post more pictures? Tag myself everywhere? Have her get a tattoo of my face on her forearm? Pee on her? I'm out of ideas. Help!
The problem I'm having is that I feel as if everyone in my wife's life feels at liberty to ask her out to things "as friends". She'll boo and hiss whenever I have reservations about it, and the subject itself has gotten heated. It's one thing to meet for a coffee or something, and it's another thing to be asked to be someone's wedding date, or to go to the town fair/concert with another man for an entire night. In some instances, I can assume the guy just does not know, and innocently asks. If you were to make an assessment on us on Facebook, for example, you'd think we're just casual friends. We're not "married on Facebook", nor do we constantly interact, post pictures, tag outings, and that kind of stuff. Other people, like the manager at her office, do know that she's married, and will still ask her out to things.
You might think that I'm probably insecure, overprotective, or domineering (her favorite words), but there's a big difference between Mikey from down the street that you've known your whole life (for example), and Andy, who hasn't been subtle in professing his love for you in the past. As far as the manager goes, he's just old, creepy, and lonely. But in the Andy example, I just don't trust. Add to the fact that 3 beers in, and my wife is so drunk that you need subtitles to understand what she's saying, I feel like I'm not exactly in the greatest position to trust.
All of my married friends, regardless if I am friends with the husband or the wife first, are a package deal. Obviously, I can always find time alone with the husband, but I wouldn't dare to ask out the wife one-on-one, taking advantage of my "I'm married too" card. I've never had a problem with that, either. My wife will be so casual about being asked out, that she'll assume that I'll be so cool with it that she can just mention it because it's no big deal to me, and she's all but agreed to go. It's always "just a friend", it's always "just the manager". She's yet to actually go to anything. It's not that I have a problem trusting her, but one, I don't run an escort service, and two, I don't trust anyone around her when she's drunk.
I dated a girl once, much like her (in terms of the creepy beta friend and the low tolerance), and she had her little creepy guy friend that she always insisted was harmless and just a friend. One night, she went over to his place for a party, when she calls me crying later that night. He had gotten her drunk, she had passed out drunk, and when she came to, he was on top of her moments away from climax. That was her lovely, innocent, perfect little guy friend that she loved to defend so much. It was horrible, and had she not called the cops, I'm sure I would've killed him. I'll never relive that one again.
Now on my wife's side, she's probably pissed that her ex was a lot more liberal than I was, but that's because he was cheating on her the entire time. So all she gathered out of that was that he was cool to let her go out, go to weddings with the same friend, but not that he was doing so to get some alone time with his side chick. But enough about our pasts, the glaring difference here is that we're both married, and I'm having a hell of a hard time figuring out how to set my boundaries so that people don't feel so eager to approach my wife with this nonsense.
My wife is smart, she reads, and is good at her job... you know, that kind of stuff. But growing up, she was extremely sheltered, and henceforth, her mind is completely in 1985 mode. She truly believes in the good in people, meanwhile I'm definitely a lot more jaded, because I've been burnt badly, and I've heard the worst stories from my friends imaginable. Point I'm making is that she'll help a guy in a dark alley move a couch into his windowless van because he looks like he needs the help, whereas I've seen The Silence of the Lambs.
So what should I do? Start a smothering campaign on Facebook to say that I'm married? Post more pictures? Tag myself everywhere? Have her get a tattoo of my face on her forearm? Pee on her? I'm out of ideas. Help!
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