So I haven't posted about my situation in over 5 months, but I wanted to give an update to this post:
http://http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/213409-what-kind-secrets-ok.html
Long story short if you don't want to read it all, I discovered my husband had been having a 6 month emotional affair shortly after I had given birth to our first son. Of course, I was shocked because we have been the best of friends and very close since we met. I had feelings that he had been distancing himself from me, but I never suspected this. I am sure that is pretty typical.
Since I have discovered this in October of last year, it has consumed me. I cannot focus at work, with my child, with my friends. All activities in my life are distractions that eventually lead my brain right back to just thinking the same old questions. Why? What if this? What if that? I want to move forward with our relationship, but here are the major issues for me.
1. I keep questioning every behavior he does as if he is cheating again when clearly he isnt. I have access to all of his electronics now.
2. We live together now. That has helped with us becoming close friends again, but I find myself saying the meanest things to him. I always apologize, but I am starting to feel guilty. I sometimes don't know what has gotten into me. I just look at him and it's like fire is pouring out of my eyes and melting him on the ground.
3. I have an issue with sex now. It feels ok, but it is not the same. I don't connect with him in the same way. Every time we try I end up crying afterward because it's just weird. He gets frustrated and thinks he isn't performing well. Not the case. It is not physical and it is clearly all in my mind. I get these images of him talking to the OW and I lose concentration on it being just us.
So those are the things I can pinpoint right now that are killing me inside. My spouse has been willing to talk with me about all of this. A few times he reacted badly by saying you should just get over it and move on, but last month he changed his tune and started to realize how much he had destroyed what we had built before. FYI, we can't go to counseling as we live overseas and there is none available in our area. I need solutions for myself and ways that I can improve my own mental health. Any advice or ideas from you all is appreciated.
http://http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/213409-what-kind-secrets-ok.html
Long story short if you don't want to read it all, I discovered my husband had been having a 6 month emotional affair shortly after I had given birth to our first son. Of course, I was shocked because we have been the best of friends and very close since we met. I had feelings that he had been distancing himself from me, but I never suspected this. I am sure that is pretty typical.
Since I have discovered this in October of last year, it has consumed me. I cannot focus at work, with my child, with my friends. All activities in my life are distractions that eventually lead my brain right back to just thinking the same old questions. Why? What if this? What if that? I want to move forward with our relationship, but here are the major issues for me.
1. I keep questioning every behavior he does as if he is cheating again when clearly he isnt. I have access to all of his electronics now.
2. We live together now. That has helped with us becoming close friends again, but I find myself saying the meanest things to him. I always apologize, but I am starting to feel guilty. I sometimes don't know what has gotten into me. I just look at him and it's like fire is pouring out of my eyes and melting him on the ground.
3. I have an issue with sex now. It feels ok, but it is not the same. I don't connect with him in the same way. Every time we try I end up crying afterward because it's just weird. He gets frustrated and thinks he isn't performing well. Not the case. It is not physical and it is clearly all in my mind. I get these images of him talking to the OW and I lose concentration on it being just us.
So those are the things I can pinpoint right now that are killing me inside. My spouse has been willing to talk with me about all of this. A few times he reacted badly by saying you should just get over it and move on, but last month he changed his tune and started to realize how much he had destroyed what we had built before. FYI, we can't go to counseling as we live overseas and there is none available in our area. I need solutions for myself and ways that I can improve my own mental health. Any advice or ideas from you all is appreciated.
Put the internet to work for you.
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