Hi,
My wife and i have been married for 5 years and have a three year old boy.
When we me , she came from a 9 year relationship that never got anywhere as the guy never inteded to marry her.
I came and she put me in a pedestal. We fell in love after meeting in a postgrad course. We dated for 6 months and got engaed. Married a year later. we both wre much in love and were shure we were each other's match.
The first year of marriage was great, even though we had some problems in bed as she initiated sex sometimes and in some of those times i was a sleep and didn't responded to her. Also she found out i masturbated every once in a while and felt as i had replaced sex with her with masturbation. we addressed that problem but didn't follow it through. Everything else was great, we were a great match.
A year into the marriage we found out she was pregnant and that year everything went along great, we loved the joy of being parents.
Into the third year of our relationship, we started to drift apart, she got very comfortable into her role as mother and i got into other hobbies. Lack of communication mad us drift further and further apart, we wre great parents but i started seeing her more as the mother of my son tan my wife and got comfortable into that role.
She also felt sometimes that when i drank i drank too much and asked me many times to change certain habits like drinking, being more mature and responsable with my actions. I always said yeah, shure i'll change but never did.
She is not the most loving person of the world, the most affectionate and even though i knew she loved me i felt there was something missing and started to drift further apart and took her for granted and didn't give her her deserved place.
I knew things were not OK with us but not to the point of her being not happy with the marriage.
About 5 weeks ago i drank more thatn i should at our son's BDday party, she got upset and changed her attitude towards me. More distant, less caring and more indiferent.
I felt the change and started to change myself, being more caring, more loving, stopped drinking to get drunk, was more more her, but she already was emotionally disconnected and she tried sometimes but felt like she didn't feel being caring and affectionate with me.
See the problem is she is full of anger and resentment towards me and felt like i had "tricked" her into making her believe i was a certain way when we wre dating and that was just a masquarade i put on into making her believe i was a certain wsy, which i wasn't in the long run according to her. More matured, responsable of my actions, more driven, had more spark, etc.
I told her that has always been me, that i didn't led her into anything , that i stopped making an effort and rested on my laurels, stopped trying, but that now 'am full commited into being the best that i can be. of course she doesn't believe me.
She had me on a pedestal, and said ythat the pedestal came crushing down.
We wenet to marriage counseling two times and the therapist told her that wehen people start dating they give their bes face and that sometimes, which i think is the case, people have this expectations of their partner, they idolize them and want them to be a certain way and don't see the flaws in their carachter, when the flaws appear they are angry and sisspointed, which i think she's angry at her for believe i would be a certain way.
So, i made all this effort but i was putting to much pressure on her and i was overdoing it. She felt asphixiated and couldn't cope with the whole thing and asked for space to clear her feelings and thoughts.
She says that she doesn't know that if because of the anger and resentment she has towards me, that is not making her see clearly and that the love is coverd in layers and layers of crap or if she just doesn0t love me like she used to and doesn't have the energy to go through.
She says that i have to change a lot (i am going to therapy) and that she doesn0't belive that i can change for good, which i know that with the help of the therapist i can.
She is also going to therapy to deal with thse feelings of anger and resentment which she doesn't wan to have.
She says that she will like me to come back to the house, but not right now, she has a lot to figure out (feelings and will to continue), that she has thought of all the scenarios (divorce, getting back together) but is still very unshure, hence the therapy. That this situation needs to be resolved sometime son. She's not comfortable with the situation, even though she's at peace righ now and not missing me.
On the other hand i'm very anxious and 'am working towards improving myself and being a better person. But this is killing me, the uncertainty, not knowing what's going to happen and being apart from her and my son and my home.
I still pick up mys on somedays and taking to school, she has asked me to come to the house certain days to take care of my son while she sees patients (she's a physical Therapist).
She has also been very stressed the last couple of years with work (Works at a cancer hospital), patients, house chores (which i always helped), son, husband and it's taking a toll on her too.
She has asked me for space that's what i intent to do.
But it' is eating my soul right now.
My wife and i have been married for 5 years and have a three year old boy.
When we me , she came from a 9 year relationship that never got anywhere as the guy never inteded to marry her.
I came and she put me in a pedestal. We fell in love after meeting in a postgrad course. We dated for 6 months and got engaed. Married a year later. we both wre much in love and were shure we were each other's match.
The first year of marriage was great, even though we had some problems in bed as she initiated sex sometimes and in some of those times i was a sleep and didn't responded to her. Also she found out i masturbated every once in a while and felt as i had replaced sex with her with masturbation. we addressed that problem but didn't follow it through. Everything else was great, we were a great match.
A year into the marriage we found out she was pregnant and that year everything went along great, we loved the joy of being parents.
Into the third year of our relationship, we started to drift apart, she got very comfortable into her role as mother and i got into other hobbies. Lack of communication mad us drift further and further apart, we wre great parents but i started seeing her more as the mother of my son tan my wife and got comfortable into that role.
She also felt sometimes that when i drank i drank too much and asked me many times to change certain habits like drinking, being more mature and responsable with my actions. I always said yeah, shure i'll change but never did.
She is not the most loving person of the world, the most affectionate and even though i knew she loved me i felt there was something missing and started to drift further apart and took her for granted and didn't give her her deserved place.
I knew things were not OK with us but not to the point of her being not happy with the marriage.
About 5 weeks ago i drank more thatn i should at our son's BDday party, she got upset and changed her attitude towards me. More distant, less caring and more indiferent.
I felt the change and started to change myself, being more caring, more loving, stopped drinking to get drunk, was more more her, but she already was emotionally disconnected and she tried sometimes but felt like she didn't feel being caring and affectionate with me.
See the problem is she is full of anger and resentment towards me and felt like i had "tricked" her into making her believe i was a certain way when we wre dating and that was just a masquarade i put on into making her believe i was a certain wsy, which i wasn't in the long run according to her. More matured, responsable of my actions, more driven, had more spark, etc.
I told her that has always been me, that i didn't led her into anything , that i stopped making an effort and rested on my laurels, stopped trying, but that now 'am full commited into being the best that i can be. of course she doesn't believe me.
She had me on a pedestal, and said ythat the pedestal came crushing down.
We wenet to marriage counseling two times and the therapist told her that wehen people start dating they give their bes face and that sometimes, which i think is the case, people have this expectations of their partner, they idolize them and want them to be a certain way and don't see the flaws in their carachter, when the flaws appear they are angry and sisspointed, which i think she's angry at her for believe i would be a certain way.
So, i made all this effort but i was putting to much pressure on her and i was overdoing it. She felt asphixiated and couldn't cope with the whole thing and asked for space to clear her feelings and thoughts.
She says that she doesn't know that if because of the anger and resentment she has towards me, that is not making her see clearly and that the love is coverd in layers and layers of crap or if she just doesn0t love me like she used to and doesn't have the energy to go through.
She says that i have to change a lot (i am going to therapy) and that she doesn0't belive that i can change for good, which i know that with the help of the therapist i can.
She is also going to therapy to deal with thse feelings of anger and resentment which she doesn't wan to have.
She says that she will like me to come back to the house, but not right now, she has a lot to figure out (feelings and will to continue), that she has thought of all the scenarios (divorce, getting back together) but is still very unshure, hence the therapy. That this situation needs to be resolved sometime son. She's not comfortable with the situation, even though she's at peace righ now and not missing me.
On the other hand i'm very anxious and 'am working towards improving myself and being a better person. But this is killing me, the uncertainty, not knowing what's going to happen and being apart from her and my son and my home.
I still pick up mys on somedays and taking to school, she has asked me to come to the house certain days to take care of my son while she sees patients (she's a physical Therapist).
She has also been very stressed the last couple of years with work (Works at a cancer hospital), patients, house chores (which i always helped), son, husband and it's taking a toll on her too.
She has asked me for space that's what i intent to do.
But it' is eating my soul right now.
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