Hi all:
So here is my story: I had a good friend contact me and tell me his wife was having an affair, that she had left him, demanded a divorce, etc. My wife and I were both absolutely stunned as we had no clue whatsoever that this was coming and we were very close to this couple.
So, I was looking through this site, trying to see if their were ways I could help my friend, and I started reading the infidelity forum and started getting a strange feeling in my gut about a "friendship" that my wife has had with a couple whom we have done many things with over the years. On a whim, on 10/2 afternoon I went and searched her personal e-mail and found that she had been sexting with this guy several years ago, but it looked like it had ended. I (fortunately) sent myself all of the worst e-mails to examine later so I could try to piece this thing together.
I confronted her with the evidence on 10/2 evening and she admitted to the sexting, told me there was never anything physical between the two of them and that it had "only" been an emotional affair. She said over and over how sorry she was and how she was wrong to do it, even though she was feeling very "badly" about herself at the time. Unfortunately, we had to take a camping vacation with my siblings and father the next day, so it was very difficult to continue the conversation.
During the trip, I was extremely pissed at her for a couple of days - just had nothing to do with her, but finally broke down one night and had sex with her, then the next night was the same. She kept saying over and over how sorry she was, how she knows it was wrong, how she feels very badly that she hurt me, etc., etc. This morning (after yet another roll in the hay - isn't that a little weird that I still want her that way?) I told her that this wasn't over by a long shot - she asked me what she had to do. I told her that ONE thing she has to do is give me a long, detailed explanation.
So, we just got home late last night, and checked her e-mail this morning. Lo and behold all of the e-mail messages to this guy that had been in existence 5 days ago are now gone (I don't think she knew how many of them I had seen and saved). The only time she could have done it was the day after I confronted her, but before we left for the trip. Going through and looking at the copies I had saved, I simply cannot believe these two were not having a full blown affair at the time. I also recall her going over there at the time and spending a lot of time there - I always thought it was to spend time with the couple - and it may have been - I have a weird feeling that she might have been sleeping with both of them. But regardless, I believe she was sleeping with the guy, and it may have lasted anywhere from 7-8 months to a few years. The e-mails between the two of them are just too personal and there were too many opportunities for them not to have slept together.
I am now really pissed at her because of her deletion of the e-mails. I have not confronted her with this yet because I just found out about that particular nugget of dog **** this morning. She keeps insisting "it is not as bad as it looks." If that were the case, why would she delete the e-mails? I think she is still deceiving me, by trying to erase the evidence (that I don't think she knows I have).
I truly believe that what she had with this guy (maybe couple?) is over. Some of her e-mails to him have shown indications of that. I've checked her e-mail, phone and message records for the past few months and there is next to nothing to/from the guy. She does have to have some contact with him because she works with him. I am afraid the next time I see him though, that he will not make it out of the encounter alive - we WERE good friends with this couple.
Also don't know if I should tell his wife. I THINK she is a good, sweet person, and I don't want her to go through what I am going through now - particularly now that I truly believe it is over. What do you all think?
Next, I don't really know how I feel about all of this - mostly just confused. I am 53 years old, she is 51. I THOUGHT she had been a tremendous wife and mother all of these years - I really did think she was a great person, and a tremendous partner. Our two children are 19 and 21 and out of the house and doing well. Don't know that I want to reconcile with somebody who might do this to me again in the future - no matter how gorgeous she is - and she is a drop-dead beautiful athletic woman - and I can't emphasize enough how kind and decent she otherwise is to me and to all of our friends.
Any advice? Thanks so much for letting me get this down - even just writing this has helped.
So here is my story: I had a good friend contact me and tell me his wife was having an affair, that she had left him, demanded a divorce, etc. My wife and I were both absolutely stunned as we had no clue whatsoever that this was coming and we were very close to this couple.
So, I was looking through this site, trying to see if their were ways I could help my friend, and I started reading the infidelity forum and started getting a strange feeling in my gut about a "friendship" that my wife has had with a couple whom we have done many things with over the years. On a whim, on 10/2 afternoon I went and searched her personal e-mail and found that she had been sexting with this guy several years ago, but it looked like it had ended. I (fortunately) sent myself all of the worst e-mails to examine later so I could try to piece this thing together.
I confronted her with the evidence on 10/2 evening and she admitted to the sexting, told me there was never anything physical between the two of them and that it had "only" been an emotional affair. She said over and over how sorry she was and how she was wrong to do it, even though she was feeling very "badly" about herself at the time. Unfortunately, we had to take a camping vacation with my siblings and father the next day, so it was very difficult to continue the conversation.
During the trip, I was extremely pissed at her for a couple of days - just had nothing to do with her, but finally broke down one night and had sex with her, then the next night was the same. She kept saying over and over how sorry she was, how she knows it was wrong, how she feels very badly that she hurt me, etc., etc. This morning (after yet another roll in the hay - isn't that a little weird that I still want her that way?) I told her that this wasn't over by a long shot - she asked me what she had to do. I told her that ONE thing she has to do is give me a long, detailed explanation.
So, we just got home late last night, and checked her e-mail this morning. Lo and behold all of the e-mail messages to this guy that had been in existence 5 days ago are now gone (I don't think she knew how many of them I had seen and saved). The only time she could have done it was the day after I confronted her, but before we left for the trip. Going through and looking at the copies I had saved, I simply cannot believe these two were not having a full blown affair at the time. I also recall her going over there at the time and spending a lot of time there - I always thought it was to spend time with the couple - and it may have been - I have a weird feeling that she might have been sleeping with both of them. But regardless, I believe she was sleeping with the guy, and it may have lasted anywhere from 7-8 months to a few years. The e-mails between the two of them are just too personal and there were too many opportunities for them not to have slept together.
I am now really pissed at her because of her deletion of the e-mails. I have not confronted her with this yet because I just found out about that particular nugget of dog **** this morning. She keeps insisting "it is not as bad as it looks." If that were the case, why would she delete the e-mails? I think she is still deceiving me, by trying to erase the evidence (that I don't think she knows I have).
I truly believe that what she had with this guy (maybe couple?) is over. Some of her e-mails to him have shown indications of that. I've checked her e-mail, phone and message records for the past few months and there is next to nothing to/from the guy. She does have to have some contact with him because she works with him. I am afraid the next time I see him though, that he will not make it out of the encounter alive - we WERE good friends with this couple.
Also don't know if I should tell his wife. I THINK she is a good, sweet person, and I don't want her to go through what I am going through now - particularly now that I truly believe it is over. What do you all think?
Next, I don't really know how I feel about all of this - mostly just confused. I am 53 years old, she is 51. I THOUGHT she had been a tremendous wife and mother all of these years - I really did think she was a great person, and a tremendous partner. Our two children are 19 and 21 and out of the house and doing well. Don't know that I want to reconcile with somebody who might do this to me again in the future - no matter how gorgeous she is - and she is a drop-dead beautiful athletic woman - and I can't emphasize enough how kind and decent she otherwise is to me and to all of our friends.
Any advice? Thanks so much for letting me get this down - even just writing this has helped.
Put the internet to work for you.
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