After searching and searching for answers and solutions to my marital problems I've deduced that I'm married to a passive aggressive narcissist and perhaps that I'm a bit narcissistic too. I've talked to lawyers, added up numbers and weighed pro's and cons... We are both better off being miserable and married for a few more years then miserable and financially ruined.
It has been extremely tough and things have been insane the last couple of weeks. I feel like recording these things here are a good way to document our issues so that I can remember them when I seem to forget or start to feel the "love" and my blinders start going back up.
-----------------------------------
I was on craigslist browsing the farm and garden section for hay and what do I see? OUR lift! Upon further inspection I noticed he listed a ton of our stuff on craigslist! I confronted him and he said "he can do whatever he wants" and "he has a right to sell it to pay off credit card debt since it was bought on a credit card!" and then sold our trencher that he just bought recently at a lost.
I was beyond furious. I was going out of town to horse show and there was no time to go see a lawyer or get standing orders in place. Then it hit me. What can I take of his that would make him think twice about selling our stuff without my knowledge while I was gone? GUNS... several which he bought without my knowledge or consent (on credit cards). I managed to get like 7 pistols and 3 ARs and a crap ton of ammo hidden far far away. Over all probably $5k worth of his precious guns. Not to mention I felt much much safer. I think I've watched to many episodes of snapped and it's in the back of my mind that it would probably be easier for him to off me because things will likely get nasty.
When he found out... OMG. It was scary and a tad amusing. He threatened to call the cops and a bunch of legal stuff that I researched before taking them. I basically told him that I wanted a written agreement that #1 included all sales had to be agreed upon and signed by both parties so he couldn't sell them behind my back. #2 we had to come to a short term financial and custody agreements and that we have to fix the arena with our tax money. He then threatened to take my phone, cancel my credit cards, sabotage the truck and or the trailer so I would miss the show. Ugh. So I had to hook up my truck and trailer and haul them to a secret location till I left for the show and hide my valuables. Talk about a giant pain in the butt! It was mildly amusing at first and then the sadness of the situation set in.
So two days later after we've been negotiating and everything is looking better... basically consenting to leaving things the way they are until we are in a better financial position, right before I leave for the show... I walk over to him as he was about to crawl into bed and hug him tight and say how sorry I am for my part in everything and I hate the way things have ended up and some how we ended up having sex!!! (moment of weakness! I'm a moron)
He was nice enough to send me a message later that said "I thought about it, I think we should financially stay together and keep running everything the same but I think you should move out." What a phucking arsehole.
----------------------------------------------------------
Things this week have been fairly quiet except for the car issue below and his food possessiveness has been worse. That's right folks my husband gets mad that I eat anything that he or my son likes. He has done a lot of the grocery shopping lately and when he does, he doesn't typically take into a lot of consideration on things that I like. He is constantly rolling his eyes and sighing at me and now encouraging our son to do it when I eat something they view as theirs. My son is starting to get angry at me because I had a bowl of fruit loops because he sees his dad doing it.
Tonight was particularly stupid. Things were still a little tense after the fight over the car battery and as we were standing in the kitchen bickering I opened the cupboard to grab some gum. There were a few packages of different kinds and I grabbed the pink bubble mint one. He flips out on me in front of our son "Why do you have to take M's gum?!" me:"uhhh its a pink package of gum? I'm grabbing one piece of my favorite flavor" him: "But it's little kids gum it even said so on the wrapper!!!" me: "Seriously? It doesn't look like "kids" gum and even if it was, why does that matter? it's a stick of gum! He always steals gum out of my purse!" He rolls his eyes and acts totally disgusted and my son is now visibly on his side because he thinks I'm taking something that belongs to only him.
Over a stick of gum. There was a handful of packages of gum still left. WTF?
--------------------------------------------------
Moving on the car: His precious audi. That stupid car has caused so many fights! We fought about buying it and after we bought it. He hates how I've "treated" his car. Apparently I leave a bunch of trash in it, he has declared it a no smoking zone at all and then flipped out when he found a large ash in the passenger seat that must have been on my purse when I smoked outside before I got in, I drive too fast down the drive way after he washes it, I leave the windows down at the barn and it makes it dusty and lets in flies. I couldn't go to my preferred gym because it was too far away and would put to many miles on his car. Doesn't matter that I actually clean it out quite often because I don't want to hear him gripe. I even bought wipes and potpourri bags to put in it so it always smelled nice which he liked. Despite all the ways that stupid car has put me out.. $700 a month payment, having to buy additional expensive equipment just so that I could listen to pandora via blu etooth, not being able to smoke when I drive (that was a hard one for me) I still helped him to get it and kept my B*tching to a minimum.
So things have been quiet all week (with the exception of him disappearing one evening till 2am and taking out $300 in cash) and then the gator battery died. We use the gator twice daily to feed horses and it is essential to running the barn. He told me to go grab the tractor so he can show me how to do it. I told him I was going to grab the car and he said no and gave me the "just go do it" look and speech. The tractor is loud, dirty, takes a few moments to get going, he always complains about the way I drive the tractor (like he did 30 seconds before this argument started), its large and I would have to pull it into a cramped space, it's dark, it's jerky, the pedals are a pain especially since my bladder was killing me, I'd have to put it into gear and raise the drag when those things still cause some mild discomfort to my chest etc... The way I see it, why would I want to do all that when I can quickly go sit in a car, with A/C, push a button and drive over? It has obnoxi ously bright lights, it's smaller and easier to maneuver, and all we'd have to do is pop the hood and it's a similar height where as in a tractor? who knows where that sucker is or how you pop a hood. To me it just sounded a lot more difficult. I'm uncertain about jumping vehicles, doesn't mean that I'm completely un-familar with the process. I felt more comfortable doing it from a car than from the tractor. I also felt as though if I were going to be made to do this, I'm going to use the thing that's easiest to me regardless of "his" car's "luxury" status simply because he again assumes the worst of me and that I will scratch it.
This was such a stupid fight! and now he is throwing around threats again... it's so emotionally draining!
It has been extremely tough and things have been insane the last couple of weeks. I feel like recording these things here are a good way to document our issues so that I can remember them when I seem to forget or start to feel the "love" and my blinders start going back up.
-----------------------------------
I was on craigslist browsing the farm and garden section for hay and what do I see? OUR lift! Upon further inspection I noticed he listed a ton of our stuff on craigslist! I confronted him and he said "he can do whatever he wants" and "he has a right to sell it to pay off credit card debt since it was bought on a credit card!" and then sold our trencher that he just bought recently at a lost.
I was beyond furious. I was going out of town to horse show and there was no time to go see a lawyer or get standing orders in place. Then it hit me. What can I take of his that would make him think twice about selling our stuff without my knowledge while I was gone? GUNS... several which he bought without my knowledge or consent (on credit cards). I managed to get like 7 pistols and 3 ARs and a crap ton of ammo hidden far far away. Over all probably $5k worth of his precious guns. Not to mention I felt much much safer. I think I've watched to many episodes of snapped and it's in the back of my mind that it would probably be easier for him to off me because things will likely get nasty.
When he found out... OMG. It was scary and a tad amusing. He threatened to call the cops and a bunch of legal stuff that I researched before taking them. I basically told him that I wanted a written agreement that #1 included all sales had to be agreed upon and signed by both parties so he couldn't sell them behind my back. #2 we had to come to a short term financial and custody agreements and that we have to fix the arena with our tax money. He then threatened to take my phone, cancel my credit cards, sabotage the truck and or the trailer so I would miss the show. Ugh. So I had to hook up my truck and trailer and haul them to a secret location till I left for the show and hide my valuables. Talk about a giant pain in the butt! It was mildly amusing at first and then the sadness of the situation set in.
So two days later after we've been negotiating and everything is looking better... basically consenting to leaving things the way they are until we are in a better financial position, right before I leave for the show... I walk over to him as he was about to crawl into bed and hug him tight and say how sorry I am for my part in everything and I hate the way things have ended up and some how we ended up having sex!!! (moment of weakness! I'm a moron)
He was nice enough to send me a message later that said "I thought about it, I think we should financially stay together and keep running everything the same but I think you should move out." What a phucking arsehole.
----------------------------------------------------------
Things this week have been fairly quiet except for the car issue below and his food possessiveness has been worse. That's right folks my husband gets mad that I eat anything that he or my son likes. He has done a lot of the grocery shopping lately and when he does, he doesn't typically take into a lot of consideration on things that I like. He is constantly rolling his eyes and sighing at me and now encouraging our son to do it when I eat something they view as theirs. My son is starting to get angry at me because I had a bowl of fruit loops because he sees his dad doing it.
Tonight was particularly stupid. Things were still a little tense after the fight over the car battery and as we were standing in the kitchen bickering I opened the cupboard to grab some gum. There were a few packages of different kinds and I grabbed the pink bubble mint one. He flips out on me in front of our son "Why do you have to take M's gum?!" me:"uhhh its a pink package of gum? I'm grabbing one piece of my favorite flavor" him: "But it's little kids gum it even said so on the wrapper!!!" me: "Seriously? It doesn't look like "kids" gum and even if it was, why does that matter? it's a stick of gum! He always steals gum out of my purse!" He rolls his eyes and acts totally disgusted and my son is now visibly on his side because he thinks I'm taking something that belongs to only him.
Over a stick of gum. There was a handful of packages of gum still left. WTF?
--------------------------------------------------
Moving on the car: His precious audi. That stupid car has caused so many fights! We fought about buying it and after we bought it. He hates how I've "treated" his car. Apparently I leave a bunch of trash in it, he has declared it a no smoking zone at all and then flipped out when he found a large ash in the passenger seat that must have been on my purse when I smoked outside before I got in, I drive too fast down the drive way after he washes it, I leave the windows down at the barn and it makes it dusty and lets in flies. I couldn't go to my preferred gym because it was too far away and would put to many miles on his car. Doesn't matter that I actually clean it out quite often because I don't want to hear him gripe. I even bought wipes and potpourri bags to put in it so it always smelled nice which he liked. Despite all the ways that stupid car has put me out.. $700 a month payment, having to buy additional expensive equipment just so that I could listen to pandora via blu etooth, not being able to smoke when I drive (that was a hard one for me) I still helped him to get it and kept my B*tching to a minimum.
So things have been quiet all week (with the exception of him disappearing one evening till 2am and taking out $300 in cash) and then the gator battery died. We use the gator twice daily to feed horses and it is essential to running the barn. He told me to go grab the tractor so he can show me how to do it. I told him I was going to grab the car and he said no and gave me the "just go do it" look and speech. The tractor is loud, dirty, takes a few moments to get going, he always complains about the way I drive the tractor (like he did 30 seconds before this argument started), its large and I would have to pull it into a cramped space, it's dark, it's jerky, the pedals are a pain especially since my bladder was killing me, I'd have to put it into gear and raise the drag when those things still cause some mild discomfort to my chest etc... The way I see it, why would I want to do all that when I can quickly go sit in a car, with A/C, push a button and drive over? It has obnoxi ously bright lights, it's smaller and easier to maneuver, and all we'd have to do is pop the hood and it's a similar height where as in a tractor? who knows where that sucker is or how you pop a hood. To me it just sounded a lot more difficult. I'm uncertain about jumping vehicles, doesn't mean that I'm completely un-familar with the process. I felt more comfortable doing it from a car than from the tractor. I also felt as though if I were going to be made to do this, I'm going to use the thing that's easiest to me regardless of "his" car's "luxury" status simply because he again assumes the worst of me and that I will scratch it.
This was such a stupid fight! and now he is throwing around threats again... it's so emotionally draining!
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment