This is my very first post. I'm not even sure where to begin so just bare with me.
I'm a 25 year old married women to my 26 year old husband. We have been together since I was barely 17. He was my first "Real" boyfriend. Heck, he was my first everything. We had a secret relationship for the first year. My parents were extremely controlling and forbidden me from dating him but being 17 I rebelled and figured out any way I could possibly see him. Fast forward two years and at the age of 18 I have gotten pregnant very unexpectedly. I was forced by my parents to drop out of nursing school and this is where I feel like my life just started spinning.
2 years later we did the "right" thing and got married. We have been through literally everything from dealing with having 3 children who ALL where born very premature, to a year of my husband not being able to find a job, to almost even being homeless. Through it all we held on to eachother for dear life. From the outside we have beaten all the odds. We look like a perfect family who has it all together. My husband is a nice guy who works very hard for us and I look like a loving faithful wife.
But when it looks too good to be true it usually is. When we fight my husband's abusive childhood rears its ugly head. He becomes extremely mean, cruel and heartless. I've been called names pushed up against a wall (only once a few years ago) and have literally begged him to stop being mean. He has the hardest time taking any responsibility for anything. When it's all over he is perfect, understanding and I couldn't ask for a better man.
Now I know I have my faults. Over the past few years now that I have "grown up" I have really realized on the life I missed out on. One thing that really bothers me is that I have never been taken on a date. I have never even dated. I get attention from men who I think "What if?". I am not looking for anyone in particular but I feel like I clung onto my husband to escape a controlling household. I am finally back in school for Nursing and I'm meeting alot of people. I have recently met a guy who I kind of hit it off with. We haven't had any physical contact at all. We haven't even admitted any feelings. We have exchanged phone numbers and Facebook. My husband found a couple of friendly messages on Facebook between me and the other guy and flipped. I feel horrible.
I just can't help but to think that I would be dating this guy if I wasn't marred. That I would still be figuring out myself. That I just want to be able to really figure out what I want. I love my husband and our children. I couldn't imagine my life without my kids. I want my husband and I to work out but I just never was able to find myself. How do I do that? How do I stop really wanting to date another man?
I feel like a horrible person but I can't shake this feeling.... :(
I'm a 25 year old married women to my 26 year old husband. We have been together since I was barely 17. He was my first "Real" boyfriend. Heck, he was my first everything. We had a secret relationship for the first year. My parents were extremely controlling and forbidden me from dating him but being 17 I rebelled and figured out any way I could possibly see him. Fast forward two years and at the age of 18 I have gotten pregnant very unexpectedly. I was forced by my parents to drop out of nursing school and this is where I feel like my life just started spinning.
2 years later we did the "right" thing and got married. We have been through literally everything from dealing with having 3 children who ALL where born very premature, to a year of my husband not being able to find a job, to almost even being homeless. Through it all we held on to eachother for dear life. From the outside we have beaten all the odds. We look like a perfect family who has it all together. My husband is a nice guy who works very hard for us and I look like a loving faithful wife.
But when it looks too good to be true it usually is. When we fight my husband's abusive childhood rears its ugly head. He becomes extremely mean, cruel and heartless. I've been called names pushed up against a wall (only once a few years ago) and have literally begged him to stop being mean. He has the hardest time taking any responsibility for anything. When it's all over he is perfect, understanding and I couldn't ask for a better man.
Now I know I have my faults. Over the past few years now that I have "grown up" I have really realized on the life I missed out on. One thing that really bothers me is that I have never been taken on a date. I have never even dated. I get attention from men who I think "What if?". I am not looking for anyone in particular but I feel like I clung onto my husband to escape a controlling household. I am finally back in school for Nursing and I'm meeting alot of people. I have recently met a guy who I kind of hit it off with. We haven't had any physical contact at all. We haven't even admitted any feelings. We have exchanged phone numbers and Facebook. My husband found a couple of friendly messages on Facebook between me and the other guy and flipped. I feel horrible.
I just can't help but to think that I would be dating this guy if I wasn't marred. That I would still be figuring out myself. That I just want to be able to really figure out what I want. I love my husband and our children. I couldn't imagine my life without my kids. I want my husband and I to work out but I just never was able to find myself. How do I do that? How do I stop really wanting to date another man?
I feel like a horrible person but I can't shake this feeling.... :(
Put the internet to work for you.
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