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Need someone to snap me out of this

Hello all! I have been coming here for quite some time and decided to get some input. Husband and I have been together for 18 years and married for 16. I M 36 and he is 35. We are high school sweethearts and got married very young. We have created 3 wonderful daughters together and unfortunately a very rocky marriage. There have been terrible arguments, some of which became physical, separating numerous times, etc.

We are currently separated but living under the same roof. We have met with a lawyer and should get the divorce ball rolling next week. He seems to be ok with all of this but I am SO miserable I can barely function. He is rarely home, either working out at the gym or running. Every time I see him I just lose it and start crying.

Today, he left his email open and I checked his messages. I found a few emails with a co worker. They were very flirtatious and he was telling her all about the dreams he had about his new apartment(he is moving out soon). I confronted him about this and he became enraged, yelling and refusing to discuss this. He said they are only friends and he needs someone to talk to. He tried to turn it around and started asking what he would find if he opened my emails( which would be nothing). He said she was a 50 year old counselor from work and that was her job to help him through this. I am wondering how long this has been going on.

I later texted him about this again and he said he was sorry I felt this way but there is nothing going on. I am crushed:(:(

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