I'll summarize but basically my wife cheated on me about 13 years ago, two affairs that I know about, we separated for three years while she sowed her oats and eventually got back together. During the separation and affairs that were in my face my wife was very cruel to me, a lot of what she said still sticks today. After being separated for years she reached out to me and wanted to try to get back together. I admit I got back together for the wrong reasons, I wanted to raise my son and thought I could make it work. I was actually dating another woman who I liked very much, was around old friends, and working a good job, I was happy and doing well. But an obligation to my son brought me back.
Fast forward 10 years later from when we reconciled and my wife has by all intents and purposes been a great wife, she's affectionate, kind, treats me well, our sex life is still not as active as I would like, but other than that we have a house three kids, and seemingly affectionate and solid marriage until about 3 months ago. I am miserable, I just can't get over the affair and things she did and said during our separation. If I bring it up all I get is "it was 10 years ago, I was young, get over it and I'm tired of apologizing". We're fighting all the time, not even about this per se, we're fighting because I'm mad and withdrawn, but I'm mad and withdrawn because of this.
I understand she doesn't want to keep discussing it, who would? I get that, but unfortunately that doesn't help me out at this point because I can't stop thinking about it and I've been basically suffering in silence for a decade. I regret that she now has to deal with this resurgence of emotions, but I am completely miserable in this marriage and I honestly don't feel like it's a good idea to keep it going, I'm never getting over this I know that. I don't have the personality type to just get over it, I wear my heart on my sleeve and this was a devastating three years in my life. It's gotten progressively worse as I get older, like it has more profound meaning or something, or I'm freaking out that I made a terrible mistake and went back with someone I should have ran far and fast from. I'm 36 and feeling like I wasted my life on someone who didn't deserve it and I should try to recoup what I have left. I'm also still reeling financially and professionally from what th is three year fiasco caused, and I resent her for not being where I want to be in life.
I worry about my kids, but I'm angry lately, distracted, I can't concentrate at work, I resent my wife, I don't enjoy the marriage and basically just want to move on, my kids aren't getting the me they should be getting when I'm miserable at home. I'm not sure if I'm looking for anything I just needed to vent to an audience because I can't talk about this to her or anyone else.
Fast forward 10 years later from when we reconciled and my wife has by all intents and purposes been a great wife, she's affectionate, kind, treats me well, our sex life is still not as active as I would like, but other than that we have a house three kids, and seemingly affectionate and solid marriage until about 3 months ago. I am miserable, I just can't get over the affair and things she did and said during our separation. If I bring it up all I get is "it was 10 years ago, I was young, get over it and I'm tired of apologizing". We're fighting all the time, not even about this per se, we're fighting because I'm mad and withdrawn, but I'm mad and withdrawn because of this.
I understand she doesn't want to keep discussing it, who would? I get that, but unfortunately that doesn't help me out at this point because I can't stop thinking about it and I've been basically suffering in silence for a decade. I regret that she now has to deal with this resurgence of emotions, but I am completely miserable in this marriage and I honestly don't feel like it's a good idea to keep it going, I'm never getting over this I know that. I don't have the personality type to just get over it, I wear my heart on my sleeve and this was a devastating three years in my life. It's gotten progressively worse as I get older, like it has more profound meaning or something, or I'm freaking out that I made a terrible mistake and went back with someone I should have ran far and fast from. I'm 36 and feeling like I wasted my life on someone who didn't deserve it and I should try to recoup what I have left. I'm also still reeling financially and professionally from what th is three year fiasco caused, and I resent her for not being where I want to be in life.
I worry about my kids, but I'm angry lately, distracted, I can't concentrate at work, I resent my wife, I don't enjoy the marriage and basically just want to move on, my kids aren't getting the me they should be getting when I'm miserable at home. I'm not sure if I'm looking for anything I just needed to vent to an audience because I can't talk about this to her or anyone else.
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