I've been with someone for very nearly a year now, though I'm not quite sure how to define the relationship. It's certainly more than FWB, but not quite enough to be a full relationship either. We've never really stuck a label on it ourselves other than the fact it's D/S, anyway. During the course of this relationship, we've both had to deal with our fair share of issues, from my being sexually assaulted to his getting diagnosed with MS, but we've worked through them together and have come out the other side from them. This has meant that our relationship is very close, trusting and supportive. We care a lot about each other, and I've never had anyone who has ever made me feel so happy and comfortable in myself.
So, it's fairly easy to see just why I've completely fallen in love with him. However, I know he doesn't feel the same way back about me. And this is why we have to break up.
He's always said that he never wants to do anything that will hurt me emotionally. And I feel the same, and I know that if he were to be the one to break up with me, he would feel awful. Honestly, I expect him to feel bad about this anyway, because that's the kind of person he is, but I'd far rather take the matter into my own hands so he doesn't feel responsible for causing me any pain; I was the one who fell in love with him, and therefore I should be the one to take responsibility for the pain that comes with it.
It just feels horrible to imagine that one day, he'll meet someone prettier than me, more intelligent, kinder, funnier, more interesting and generally a better person than I am. And I genuinely want him to be happy, but it hurts that I'm just going to watch that from a distance, because it feels like I'll be saying goodbye to the closest thing to love I'm ever going to get.
I do want us to stay friends - he's far too important to lose from my life, and he has very good relationships will almost all of his ex-girlfriends, which I liked a lot about him from the start. But I think it might take a little bit of time for me to get over it in the first place.
So, when the right moment comes, what can I do? I don't even know if he has any idea how I feel, and I don't want to spring it on him out of nowhere. In my head, I know it's for the best for him, but my heart is telling me to stay and try and enjoy it while it lasts and let things take their natural course.
Put the internet to work for you.
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