I've been reading around a lot again lately. Been here with my marital problems too long.
For those who know my story...I'm seeing a new counselor. I have opened up to my family about my unhappiness. I have told my husband I don't trust him and frankly am only here because of our daughters.
I see that my H continues to lie. Inconsequential things really, mainly lies to make him "look better" in his mind. I know this is totally due to his enormous self-worth problems. There's a hole inside him that I cannot fill. And I'm tired of trying. Anyway...little, everyday lies...telling his instructor he's not able to go to class due to mandatory work meetings. BS, he skipped school, ignored his family & watched movies. But the little lies trigger me to the big lies, that tank our finances, change the way I view him & my opinion of him.
We have cashed in one small retirement account. He is now talking of getting into the big account because he can't go to school and work. I worry about insurance, mortgage, orthodontics, the sports my oldest is involved in, preschool, etc. He says I am materialistic, if we lose the house so be it, time with his family is more important. His worked called him on his day off asking him to come in a few days ago because they were so overwhelmed. He declined. I feel like he had the dream job with the set cushy schedule, 3 days off per week, 3 weeks + vacation time & regular work hours and he tanked it because of his lies. Now that he's making 1/3 what he was he should pull some overtime sometimes. Especially since he's talking about taking 2 years off from work. He thinks financial aid will pay our bills during that time and we will supplement with the retirement account.
Where I am right now...we have very different values...work ethic, financial values, priorities. It's always been this way, it's just since our situation has changed that it is unbearable for me.
So I'm left with this....is this what I want for the rest of my life? I certainly won't be better off financially alone. But I will be able to keep retirement money for retirement. I'll have my half instead of 10 years from now having nothing. Does that make me materialistic?
I have tried for a solid year to turn my feelings around for him. He said he would go to counseling with me to work on "us". He chose not to go today. I've begged him to go to counseling to work on his issues. I've been going for months. He says that since he recognizes what his issues are that's enough. The counselor suggested that I tell him we are dire. Not exactly an ultimatum, neither of us like that word, but either he goes and works on his side of the street or we're very likely done. That's a hard pill to swallow.
Do I want to live & feel this way for the next 30-40 years? Do I want to throw in the towel?
Ugh.
Posted via Mobile Device
For those who know my story...I'm seeing a new counselor. I have opened up to my family about my unhappiness. I have told my husband I don't trust him and frankly am only here because of our daughters.
I see that my H continues to lie. Inconsequential things really, mainly lies to make him "look better" in his mind. I know this is totally due to his enormous self-worth problems. There's a hole inside him that I cannot fill. And I'm tired of trying. Anyway...little, everyday lies...telling his instructor he's not able to go to class due to mandatory work meetings. BS, he skipped school, ignored his family & watched movies. But the little lies trigger me to the big lies, that tank our finances, change the way I view him & my opinion of him.
We have cashed in one small retirement account. He is now talking of getting into the big account because he can't go to school and work. I worry about insurance, mortgage, orthodontics, the sports my oldest is involved in, preschool, etc. He says I am materialistic, if we lose the house so be it, time with his family is more important. His worked called him on his day off asking him to come in a few days ago because they were so overwhelmed. He declined. I feel like he had the dream job with the set cushy schedule, 3 days off per week, 3 weeks + vacation time & regular work hours and he tanked it because of his lies. Now that he's making 1/3 what he was he should pull some overtime sometimes. Especially since he's talking about taking 2 years off from work. He thinks financial aid will pay our bills during that time and we will supplement with the retirement account.
Where I am right now...we have very different values...work ethic, financial values, priorities. It's always been this way, it's just since our situation has changed that it is unbearable for me.
So I'm left with this....is this what I want for the rest of my life? I certainly won't be better off financially alone. But I will be able to keep retirement money for retirement. I'll have my half instead of 10 years from now having nothing. Does that make me materialistic?
I have tried for a solid year to turn my feelings around for him. He said he would go to counseling with me to work on "us". He chose not to go today. I've begged him to go to counseling to work on his issues. I've been going for months. He says that since he recognizes what his issues are that's enough. The counselor suggested that I tell him we are dire. Not exactly an ultimatum, neither of us like that word, but either he goes and works on his side of the street or we're very likely done. That's a hard pill to swallow.
Do I want to live & feel this way for the next 30-40 years? Do I want to throw in the towel?
Ugh.
Posted via Mobile Device
Put the internet to work for you.
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