My partner and I are still with somewhat greater success than previously, attempting to heal & improve our relationship. We live about half the time in different continents and quite a lot of the stress between us results from that - who's going to Skype/ring who, at what time, whether our 11 year old son is 'available', in the mood to speak to Dad, whatever. Plus of course dovetailing all of that with other stuff we all have to do. Yesterday I was at a theme park with our son at one of his school outings. I texted my OH en route home what time we'd be there. Once home I Skype messaged we were home and that our son was shattered (it was VERY late!) and would rather speak the following day. I wanted a shower/do some chores etc before speaking by Skype. His answer, though now I can see might have been ambiguous, was words to the effect of 'why would I mind'. Where it falls down is that I'd forgotten there was a big game on TV which I did have in my diar y but hadn't checked on because we were at the theme park and I and the other parents were trying to keep tabs on the children, and I only remembered in passing. I'd talked about it with our son, who assured me the start time. Fine - no problem. Once home it turns out the pre-tournament programme is on. Son revises his memory of start time. I take his word for it... son goes to bed, I do my chores/shower routine, get to Skype, only to realise tournament is starting. We message once; OH p*d off, goes offline. Today he's saying I'm not partly but 100% responsible for us not speaking and for him being upset about both not speaking and upset about me not seeming to accept responsibility. I imagine I'll get replies along the lines of 'do you want to be right or do you want to be happy'. I accept that may be (or probably IS) an issue I have to deal with. However there's accepting responsibility that's due and there's being labelled with responsibility of every single thing tha t ensues. I feel this is (relatively) trivia and I had extenuating circumstances besides which he could very easily have messaged me that I'd obviously got the start time wrong and we needed to speak very soon. I'd have then put off the shower/etc routine. I quite understood he wanted to watch the tournament. Oh dear........... not only do I think this is trivia and should never have got to this stage, but I'm convinced it sounds like trivia too! But it causes so many problems between us. Can anyone shed light? Please? I think the thing is that I always think that when I've done what I believe to be the right thing I can't understand how it gets interpreted seemingly as OTT bad. Talking in circles now! Help!
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