I am not proud of what I did, I am not even sure that it was worth it. But I drew up divorce paperwork and e-mailed to my spouse in order to communicate my feelings of how miserable and hurt I am. I will start to say, I love my spouse. But he just pushed me to my breaking point. Recently we had a wedding after we have already been married for a year. The day before the wedding, he became upset/annoyed/irritated with his family and decided to send a text and cancel the rehearsal dinner. I understood his annoyance, but I asked him to put it aside and come and eat with my family. He stated that he did not feel like being around anyone so he would not attend. Needless to say, I still had dinner with my family. My parents were mortified that this had happened and I was really sad. I did my best to put on a smile, but it was hard. Fast forward to the wedding. My spouse is not a big dancer and was even having a little concern about our first dance- so we rehears ed. First dance was fine. However, toward the end of the evening, one of my bridesmaid said you guys have not even danced all night in a joking manner and I replied yeah baby lets dance! He looked at me and snapped and said, I don't want to dance and you will be alright and stormed out. Again my bridesmaid looked at me and said I know that hurt girl. While it did hurt, I again put on a smile. I find my self often times smiling through the hurt and trying to move past the hurtful moments. But I just got tired. I have tried to talk to my spouse in the past about this and he said that I was just weak like a helpless bird and could not take criticism. He says things like this, "If I knew that your cleaning habits were like that I would have never dated you." He is rude and a nasty person and I have said that to him before. He has this thing with hanging up the phone when he is frustrated and then not answering my calls. That really pisses me off. As I reflect, what set me off to file divorce paperwork may appear to be a silly argument, but it was just enough. You see, I spent two hours trying to do something for my spouse and yes I was frustrated because It took longer than what I expected it to. My spouse sensed my frustration and thought I had an attitude with him. His response was to say never mind, I will do it myself and hang up the phone and not answer my calls. Understanding his stubborn personality, I have committed myself to being the bigger person, by trying to do the mature thing and trying to let things go and I just could not do it anymore. Why do I always have to be the one to apologize and let things go when he never does. For now we live apart because of my job, and as a result he is saying that because he has been burnt in a past relationship, he does not feel our situation is stable enough for him to sacrifice his career to move her to be with me. What have I done? I just need him to hear me.
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