Okay, here is the situation. I have been married for 15 years, but the marriage is pretty much over. I have two wonderful children... boy 9 and girl 2 and a half. The marriage has been very rocky for a long, long time and I've come to the conclusion that neither of us is going to change or wants to change. Currently, we are pretty much living as roommates. I sleep in my own bed in a different room. Basically next to zero touching for the last 7 months... its a big deal to get a hug and even then its awkward. We are civil with each other. We have a long history of arguing and bickering but in the last 7 months things have changed. There is less arguing but I think thats because we have both "checked-out". There is no passion left so we don't have as much invested in the argument... if that makes sense. Why I say 7 months is because it really changed when she refused to let me buy her Christmas presents. I bought her a tablet and she refused it then a few weeks later, bought the exact same one. I am tired of trying to fix things and have tried for years upon years to make things better. Its never good enough. She is un-satisfiable.... by me at least. She is a good person and an excellent mother and I know she feels the same about me, but as far as the marriage goes, its dead and buried. I am 42 years old and I don't want to be living like this for the next 18 years until my children are grown and move out... but then again leaving my kids is probably the hardest thing I could ever do.
What I need to figure out, and what I am having a very difficult time deciding is, should I stay in this situation or leave? If it wasn't for my kids I would have been gone a long time ago (the second child was an accident, but of course I love my daughter very, very much). Financially, things will be VERY difficult if I leave as I will have to (want to really) give half my income as child support. I am a fairly responsible person and I feel duty bound to do so and its something I want to do, but that doesn't make it easier financially. If left I would still see my kids two or three times a week for about 4 hours each time. However, because of tight finances, I would not be able to keep them overnight. The only way I could do that, and pay half my income to child support, is to get a second full time job, which I just simply cannot do.
So from your perspective should I stay in a 'dead' marriage and thus be able to remain living with my kids or should I leave, be free from the marriage but see my kids on a much more limited basis?
Posting this on an internet forum I don't expect the "perfect" answer. However, I am trying to gather as much perspective and points of view as possible to aid in making the best decision possible. I have been thinking about this for months and months.
What I need to figure out, and what I am having a very difficult time deciding is, should I stay in this situation or leave? If it wasn't for my kids I would have been gone a long time ago (the second child was an accident, but of course I love my daughter very, very much). Financially, things will be VERY difficult if I leave as I will have to (want to really) give half my income as child support. I am a fairly responsible person and I feel duty bound to do so and its something I want to do, but that doesn't make it easier financially. If left I would still see my kids two or three times a week for about 4 hours each time. However, because of tight finances, I would not be able to keep them overnight. The only way I could do that, and pay half my income to child support, is to get a second full time job, which I just simply cannot do.
So from your perspective should I stay in a 'dead' marriage and thus be able to remain living with my kids or should I leave, be free from the marriage but see my kids on a much more limited basis?
Posting this on an internet forum I don't expect the "perfect" answer. However, I am trying to gather as much perspective and points of view as possible to aid in making the best decision possible. I have been thinking about this for months and months.
Put the internet to work for you.
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