Hi all! I've just found this forum, and it's really an eye opener. I've been married for 15 years, one 8 yr old, and have been unhappy for many years now. I have Psoriatic Arthritis which has stopped me from driving due to neck limitations. I could write a book on the frustrations of my husband not seeming to notice me or my needs as an individual, but I'll keep it short by writing some examples:
Saying he will do something and then not doing it. This has meant debt due to late payments with a training loan of his, not cancelling phone contracts or paying off his credit card, ignoring putting up a storage shed so I could access my mobility scooter, and even going to church on xmas eve without me (I slept in by mistake and had no time to get ready) despite saying he'd waken me if that happened.
Took out a £5,000 loan with his parents to help fund a career change without discussing with me, despite saying he'd find out the details first from them as our phone rang. Told his sister I had agreed to a sale price for one of our lounge recliners and to sell it to her friend, when I never had, and I found this out from his sister when she just happened to call.
Went overseas for pilot training without my consent when our child only 1, and i had arthritis flare due to drug failing, then tried to get me to stay home for 9mths instead of 3. Didn't help do any packing to move house. Also kept hold of a visa application for myself and my daughter for two weeks in his work bag and just kept fobbing me off as to where it was.
Stuffed pornographic mags with CDs behind our wardrobe, then claimed some stranger put it in his bag on a work training course he'd gone to a year before. Blamed lack of sex on me and told me to go to a doctor for it.
Made excuses to get me urgent joint injections during arthritis flares due to stuff on with his family. Has left me for hours upstairs without food, water or company when unwell...just spent time with our daughter like I have leprosy or something. If I get depressed at all I get left on my own.
Works from home once a week for the convenience and takes up the spare room with a huge desk and a flight sim computer. He's been doing that for many years, the flight sim, and since having our daughter hasn't compromised with space to allow me to do any hobbies despite the fact he could take it downstairs. I get to do no hobbies as there is no room - for 8 years!!!! He however gets flight sym, air fix model making and train set modelling.
The last point above is one of the hardest for me to bare. I've loved to paint since I was a kid and believe I could even make money from it, and he knows of my ambition but still selfishly keeps all the space for himself. I'd also like to pick up playing music on my keyboard again, something I haven't done in over 8 years. It just feels like I'm being stopped from being myself. Also, he's entitled to his opinion, however he's blocked me from getting alternative treatment for the arthritis despite knowing that drugs have failed and that diet changes I've tried amongst other things have shown the most promise by far. Surely he'd want me to get better, wouldn't he? I can understand if he's wanting to protect himself from possible disappointment if treatment didn't work, but to not allow me to try it in the first place is shocking. He's even been angry about it then stormed off, like it's somehow a threat to him, and then on talking to him has still wanted me to forget it all. It hasn't been the money either because we've had enough to pay for it.
I've considered leaving him many times, and number one reason, I don't have an income. Then of course there's my daughter to consider, and I would miss his family so much as they're so lovely. Plus my dad and sister live further away so with me not driving I could be very lonely, even worse than now. One strange thing, my husband says he's never had any friends at school or otherwise, just never happened due to people being older than him etc. so always hung out with his two brothers. bit weird don't you think? I've always had friends, but have become housebound despite my mobility scooter so would love to make some and have some fun in life again. I wonder if he's telling me that to get me to stay home and not look outside of it to better myself. What do you think?
Saying he will do something and then not doing it. This has meant debt due to late payments with a training loan of his, not cancelling phone contracts or paying off his credit card, ignoring putting up a storage shed so I could access my mobility scooter, and even going to church on xmas eve without me (I slept in by mistake and had no time to get ready) despite saying he'd waken me if that happened.
Took out a £5,000 loan with his parents to help fund a career change without discussing with me, despite saying he'd find out the details first from them as our phone rang. Told his sister I had agreed to a sale price for one of our lounge recliners and to sell it to her friend, when I never had, and I found this out from his sister when she just happened to call.
Went overseas for pilot training without my consent when our child only 1, and i had arthritis flare due to drug failing, then tried to get me to stay home for 9mths instead of 3. Didn't help do any packing to move house. Also kept hold of a visa application for myself and my daughter for two weeks in his work bag and just kept fobbing me off as to where it was.
Stuffed pornographic mags with CDs behind our wardrobe, then claimed some stranger put it in his bag on a work training course he'd gone to a year before. Blamed lack of sex on me and told me to go to a doctor for it.
Made excuses to get me urgent joint injections during arthritis flares due to stuff on with his family. Has left me for hours upstairs without food, water or company when unwell...just spent time with our daughter like I have leprosy or something. If I get depressed at all I get left on my own.
Works from home once a week for the convenience and takes up the spare room with a huge desk and a flight sim computer. He's been doing that for many years, the flight sim, and since having our daughter hasn't compromised with space to allow me to do any hobbies despite the fact he could take it downstairs. I get to do no hobbies as there is no room - for 8 years!!!! He however gets flight sym, air fix model making and train set modelling.
The last point above is one of the hardest for me to bare. I've loved to paint since I was a kid and believe I could even make money from it, and he knows of my ambition but still selfishly keeps all the space for himself. I'd also like to pick up playing music on my keyboard again, something I haven't done in over 8 years. It just feels like I'm being stopped from being myself. Also, he's entitled to his opinion, however he's blocked me from getting alternative treatment for the arthritis despite knowing that drugs have failed and that diet changes I've tried amongst other things have shown the most promise by far. Surely he'd want me to get better, wouldn't he? I can understand if he's wanting to protect himself from possible disappointment if treatment didn't work, but to not allow me to try it in the first place is shocking. He's even been angry about it then stormed off, like it's somehow a threat to him, and then on talking to him has still wanted me to forget it all. It hasn't been the money either because we've had enough to pay for it.
I've considered leaving him many times, and number one reason, I don't have an income. Then of course there's my daughter to consider, and I would miss his family so much as they're so lovely. Plus my dad and sister live further away so with me not driving I could be very lonely, even worse than now. One strange thing, my husband says he's never had any friends at school or otherwise, just never happened due to people being older than him etc. so always hung out with his two brothers. bit weird don't you think? I've always had friends, but have become housebound despite my mobility scooter so would love to make some and have some fun in life again. I wonder if he's telling me that to get me to stay home and not look outside of it to better myself. What do you think?
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