I'm afraid my marriage might be on its last breath. My wife will barely help me around the house. i'm not saying she does nothing, i'm saying I absolutely need more help then what i'm getting and she has a friend that is entirely too needy.
a typical day for me looks like:
work
do whatever errands that may need to be done between driving from work to the daycare
pick our three kids up
and the rest i'm doing mostly at the same time just multi tasking
clean the house -(take trash out, do dishes if they need done, clean up living room/our bedroom/bathrooms wherever needed
laundry(whatever is leftover from the day before)
homework with the kids
i'd say 90% of the time i handle dinner, I think the last time she cooked was about 2.5 to 3 weeks ago. most of the time we end up getting something to go from somewhere because I simply don't have enough time on my hands to cook a meal on top of everything.
I'll just do this in sections because there is so much going on it's unreal.
The friend:
----------
This "friend" has been a thorn in my side for years now. completely irresponsible, given any situation she will automatically make the worst choice possible and somehow I end up having to pay for it, whether its time going out of my way to do something that my wife could be helping me with but is instead helping her stupid ****ing friend..or financially like having to buy her and her kid groceries or whatever. At first, years ago I felt bad and thought this woman just had tough luck and it was a temporary thing. no, it's not. I don't care about her or her kid and want them out of our lives for several reasons. we're talking about someone here who has had three different boyfriends in the last 2.5 - 3 months and each one its always been the same story...she's always "liked" them and just didn't have the opportunity to be with them. and considering 3 of the last 4 men she's been with once they are together her and my wife began making fun of the man until things finally went so uth and they broke up. The latest one, she broke up with the guy and was literally in another "relationship" less than 24 hours later. I can't ****ing stand this woman or her child anymore, 3-4 months ago I found out my wife was having an EA with the brother of one of her friends flings. That did not go over well at all and I came within a hair of leaving, this time with the friend I fear i've crossed the point of no return. but yet, i'm the "cold hearted" one when I blatantly tell my wife I don't care about her friends relationship problems or life problems anymore. I feel alone and like I am sharing my marriage with this friend. it was decided that if her friend loses her apartment at the end of this month(the guy she just kicked out was helping her pay bills, new guy won't move in and do the same) they will come live with us. What I haven't stated is that if that happens, i'm packing the kids and moving right the **** out and she can be with her friend all she wants. I'm fuming mad about this. Forgot to mention we are also watching the friends kid 5 nights a week so the friend can work, again stealing what little quiet time we do have at the end of the night hence, paying for the friends mistakes again. sure she's paying us $50 a week, and we could always use the extra money, but I value my needed cool down period and my sanity more.
The EA:
----------------
In about the middle of February I found out my wife was having an EA with the brother of one of her friends flings. I was suspicious for about a couple weeks before I gave in and recovered deleted messages from her phone. I confirmed it wasnt a full on PA independently, after much pondering, a lot of weight lost, tears shed, and agony, I decided for the good of my family and the fact that I still love her and we have almost 10 years under our belts...that I could forgive her and give her another chance. it's been a hell of a ride since then but I'm getting to where I can start to feel like I trust her again, when it comes to that kind of stuff. but every time her (above section) friend is in the picture, I feel like she was the catalyst in this and I get an uneasy feeling and I just don't like her. they are always whispering to each other right in front of me and I take that as a que and just leave to go do something else. i've pretty much shut the door on that chapter and h ave been mending and healing since. I still have some rough days, but for the most part, its becoming a non factor in the back of my mind.
The Finances:
------------------------
I am the primary bread winner, I make pretty decent amount of money and work full time, my wife works two 10 hour days a week at her job making 1/4th of what I make.I have no problem with this arrangement she gets the kids ready in the morning and gets them to daycare/school and then heads to work on the days she does work, on the days she doesn't the kids still go to daycare and she will come home and hang out anyways. it's crunch time and we're trying to save up and buy a house although i'm having extreme second thoughts. I love my mother in law but she is a complete imbecile when it comes to money and mismanages it so much we end up having to pay for her medicines and food a lot of the time. I have a brother in law who is absolutely useless and does not pitch in to help at all(even though he literally lives two doors down from her) and the burden of this has fallen onto us. whether its taking her to her dr appointments, or cleaning her place too, or whatever. its always s omething every damn day. whether its something that goes wrong and we have to go out of our way yet again, or its something we have to pay for. it's depressing and setting us back so much its crazy. again the friend ties into this too with her dumbassery.
Family life:
---------------
Our oldest son is on the autism spectrum, so thats another struggle in itself. I end up doing most if not all his homework with him. as well as making sure he gets his medication on the schedule prescribed. i've managed to help keep him a model student loved by the school, we don't miss homework, infact we(me and him) work very hard with him and his brother's(my younger son) homework througout the week. as noted at the beginning, that's what my schedule looks like just about everyday. A day off for me is not having to do the work part, but still doing everything else.
So much more but I'm tired of even typing this.
suggestions? am I being unreasonable or do I have a reason to be legitimately irate? the straw that really broke the camels back recently is the friend situation and my wife attempting to move her and her kid in when/if things go south with their current situation.
a typical day for me looks like:
work
do whatever errands that may need to be done between driving from work to the daycare
pick our three kids up
and the rest i'm doing mostly at the same time just multi tasking
clean the house -(take trash out, do dishes if they need done, clean up living room/our bedroom/bathrooms wherever needed
laundry(whatever is leftover from the day before)
homework with the kids
i'd say 90% of the time i handle dinner, I think the last time she cooked was about 2.5 to 3 weeks ago. most of the time we end up getting something to go from somewhere because I simply don't have enough time on my hands to cook a meal on top of everything.
I'll just do this in sections because there is so much going on it's unreal.
The friend:
----------
This "friend" has been a thorn in my side for years now. completely irresponsible, given any situation she will automatically make the worst choice possible and somehow I end up having to pay for it, whether its time going out of my way to do something that my wife could be helping me with but is instead helping her stupid ****ing friend..or financially like having to buy her and her kid groceries or whatever. At first, years ago I felt bad and thought this woman just had tough luck and it was a temporary thing. no, it's not. I don't care about her or her kid and want them out of our lives for several reasons. we're talking about someone here who has had three different boyfriends in the last 2.5 - 3 months and each one its always been the same story...she's always "liked" them and just didn't have the opportunity to be with them. and considering 3 of the last 4 men she's been with once they are together her and my wife began making fun of the man until things finally went so uth and they broke up. The latest one, she broke up with the guy and was literally in another "relationship" less than 24 hours later. I can't ****ing stand this woman or her child anymore, 3-4 months ago I found out my wife was having an EA with the brother of one of her friends flings. That did not go over well at all and I came within a hair of leaving, this time with the friend I fear i've crossed the point of no return. but yet, i'm the "cold hearted" one when I blatantly tell my wife I don't care about her friends relationship problems or life problems anymore. I feel alone and like I am sharing my marriage with this friend. it was decided that if her friend loses her apartment at the end of this month(the guy she just kicked out was helping her pay bills, new guy won't move in and do the same) they will come live with us. What I haven't stated is that if that happens, i'm packing the kids and moving right the **** out and she can be with her friend all she wants. I'm fuming mad about this. Forgot to mention we are also watching the friends kid 5 nights a week so the friend can work, again stealing what little quiet time we do have at the end of the night hence, paying for the friends mistakes again. sure she's paying us $50 a week, and we could always use the extra money, but I value my needed cool down period and my sanity more.
The EA:
----------------
In about the middle of February I found out my wife was having an EA with the brother of one of her friends flings. I was suspicious for about a couple weeks before I gave in and recovered deleted messages from her phone. I confirmed it wasnt a full on PA independently, after much pondering, a lot of weight lost, tears shed, and agony, I decided for the good of my family and the fact that I still love her and we have almost 10 years under our belts...that I could forgive her and give her another chance. it's been a hell of a ride since then but I'm getting to where I can start to feel like I trust her again, when it comes to that kind of stuff. but every time her (above section) friend is in the picture, I feel like she was the catalyst in this and I get an uneasy feeling and I just don't like her. they are always whispering to each other right in front of me and I take that as a que and just leave to go do something else. i've pretty much shut the door on that chapter and h ave been mending and healing since. I still have some rough days, but for the most part, its becoming a non factor in the back of my mind.
The Finances:
------------------------
I am the primary bread winner, I make pretty decent amount of money and work full time, my wife works two 10 hour days a week at her job making 1/4th of what I make.I have no problem with this arrangement she gets the kids ready in the morning and gets them to daycare/school and then heads to work on the days she does work, on the days she doesn't the kids still go to daycare and she will come home and hang out anyways. it's crunch time and we're trying to save up and buy a house although i'm having extreme second thoughts. I love my mother in law but she is a complete imbecile when it comes to money and mismanages it so much we end up having to pay for her medicines and food a lot of the time. I have a brother in law who is absolutely useless and does not pitch in to help at all(even though he literally lives two doors down from her) and the burden of this has fallen onto us. whether its taking her to her dr appointments, or cleaning her place too, or whatever. its always s omething every damn day. whether its something that goes wrong and we have to go out of our way yet again, or its something we have to pay for. it's depressing and setting us back so much its crazy. again the friend ties into this too with her dumbassery.
Family life:
---------------
Our oldest son is on the autism spectrum, so thats another struggle in itself. I end up doing most if not all his homework with him. as well as making sure he gets his medication on the schedule prescribed. i've managed to help keep him a model student loved by the school, we don't miss homework, infact we(me and him) work very hard with him and his brother's(my younger son) homework througout the week. as noted at the beginning, that's what my schedule looks like just about everyday. A day off for me is not having to do the work part, but still doing everything else.
So much more but I'm tired of even typing this.
suggestions? am I being unreasonable or do I have a reason to be legitimately irate? the straw that really broke the camels back recently is the friend situation and my wife attempting to move her and her kid in when/if things go south with their current situation.
Put the internet to work for you.
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