I think it's a truism that it is (statistically speaking) a lot easier for a (straight) woman to find a sexual partner than for a (straight) man, as a famous study made it clear.
At any party, an average-looking girl is far more likely to find a mate for the night than an average-looking boy.
Now, this doesn't seem to be such a great reason for females to rejoice, since most of them find One-Night-Stands (along many seriously-minded men such as myself) repulsive and disgusting.
That's a good point, but I still think it is ALSO a lot easier for a woman to find a romantic lover by skillfully using her sexuality.
If a female manages to make males feel:
1) "she is bright, intelligent and an interesting conversation partner "
2) "she has such an amazing and attractive body "
romantic feelings will almost inevitably follow.
I'm going to give you concrete examples to show what I mean, whereby all the names have been systematically changed.
Anna was a witty and geeky biological engineering student with whom it was pretty interesting to entertain long discussions. She did not look ugly but not really beautiful either. After having broken with her then-former boyfriend, she began wearing attractive clothes such as miniskirts and nice cleavages (but never in a slutty way). We had known each other for three weeks at that time.
I remember that after several day of throwing pleasant glares at her, I had this two thoughts at the same time:
1) Anna is quite a cultivated and interesting person, there are really lots of topics I'd like to discuss with her
2) Anna looks so great, I wish I could passionately sleep with her as soon as possible.
and soon thereafter, I just thought "It would be so great if Anna was my girlfriend".
Interestingly enough, I learned (somewhat later) that at least 5 boys asked her out during that time period whereas I was too shy.
(Someone might perhaps say we were a bunch of hopeless losers since none of us was successful in conquering her heart, an exploit which was accomplished by a law student. This is a legitimate question, but let us not become too side-tracked :-) ).
None of us was ONLY interested in sex but really in a serious love relationship (as she herself was).
Actually, there were many men she could have gotten at that time and she really had the luxes to be selective and picky, whereas a single boy in the same town would be delighted to just find any girl not ugly and dumb.
Another example is even more telling.
Julia was a young and brilliant student in management and economy pretty engaged in the associative life of the university, playing theater, defending some political causes and having very high career ambitions. She had always been rather flirty, wearing revealing (but not whorish) clothes and piling up short intense romantic relationships of one or two months (while also emphasizing that one day, the time to find her true charming prince would come). Her basketball team organized a sexy calendar and she posted in a picture where she was was jumping in underwear towards the basket with the ball. She wore a (moderate) G-string an a bra copiously revealing a good part of her breasts. Actually her back (and butt) had been photographed and one could see her breasts, faces and victorious smile thanks to a mirror she was facing.
There were more beautiful girls in the calendar, but she was the one I really liked to contemplate over and over again. Actually at the same time I also (willingly) reread some of her writings, and felt stunned by her intelligence. This made it all the more delightful to admire her boobs, legs, ass and face. While discussing with her after that, I found her voice charming and awe-inspiring in a way I never did before.
When thinking on her, I felt an overwhelming desire to passionately make love with her before the shortest delay, but also to have a nice and romantic conversation, to laugh about our common political foes, to hike together, to tenderly kiss her. My stomach grew full of butterflies. Soon I became completely in love for her and could not think on anything else while she was around. This got that intense that I began even dreaming about marrying her, and how she would look like at the ceremony.
This prompted me to write her a letter expressing all the feelings which were swirling through my heart. Like at least 90 other boys, she politely responded to me that she felt flattered but just saw me as a good friend and wished me all the best.
Still it was clear she found it very exciting to be desired by so many men (both sexually and romantically) at the same time. She successively had at least 6 boyfriends after that before finding the man she's now happily married with.
(For those worried about his fate: NO, we did not kill him and the lucky bastard has even remained our friend :-) ).
So as a serious man and having talked with many like-minded men, I know that a sharp (or witty) girl regularly wearing sexy clothes will be desired as a girlfriend by almost any single serious-minded boy liking her personality in the first place.
Finally, I want to mention what Stephanie, a very good female friend of mine (which I view as a kind of slightly older sister) told me about this several years ago.
She is a successful manager in a great insurance company, she practice many sports but also actively combat sexism at the workplace and militate for equal wage everywhere. Yet at the same time she wore (and still wears) short business-skirts (clearly above the knee) or a suit with a cleavage impossible to ignore. Things can get even worse while she's dancing around during her free time and she also frequently switches her boyfriends.
I asked her if she did not see a contradiction with defending feminist values.
In what follows I'm trying to recount her answer as best I can, translating it into English.
"Well, as a woman I certainly hate being lusted after as a mere object, and I think this is really a shame quite a few males still view females in that way. But there are many men who are not like that and desire women sexually without degrading them in this fashion.
In my case, I'm certainly able to show them I'm bright, funny, ambitious and strong-willed in the first place. That (in and of itself) is certainly sufficient to make them view me as a potential mate. But then, it is really delicious to take advantage of being a girl and show off my body in a way that makes them dream to get me in their bed as quickly as they can.
If you combined all these aspects together, they're really romantically in love for me. Few of them just want sex, for the large majority the dream is to become my passionate boyfriend.
To be honest, I find it thrilling to enter the enterprise-restaurant or a gathering room and know there are so many who are desiring me in this manner. It is also great to know I've the embarrassment of choice, that I can pick the one I want and stay with him as long as I decide.
These are liberties females were utterly bereft of barely one half-century ago."
She's the one largely responsible for my holding my current view. She was so frank towards me because she knew I was unable to view her as a possible girlfriend due to the particular way we had shared our childhood.
To sum up, my contention here is that if a girl
a) reveals an interesting personality and is an individual one likes to discuss with
b) wears sexy (but not slutty) clothes so that men also strongly wish to sleep her
almost every (single) serious-minded man will (sooner than later) romantically desires her as a girlfriend
To conclude, let me give a personal (relatively) recent example.
One night, I saw sluttily dressed girls screaming around in the bus and uttering very superficial and dirty jokes. I was completely disgusted and did not look at them at all.
Several days later, a young brown-haired lady wearing a short (but not micro-short) skirt and a nice cleavage sat down face to face to me. She took a book from Julian Baggini out of her handbag, a philosopher I really like. I sensed my heart beat faster, I glanced over and over again at her breasts without getting caught and began experiencing all sort of short-lived romantic dreams about her. But I felt so intimidated that it was as if my lips had been sealed by iron bars. Thirty minutes later she left the wagon. I peered out at her gorgeous legs and butt as she walked away on the dock, loathing myself for not having been able to gather more courage.
Shortly after, I told myself that it must be a wonderful experience to dispose of such a great seduction power by virtue of being a (non-ugly) female and having lots of men asking one out instead of having to ask out lots of women, to have the feeling you're strongly desired by that many people.
Still, a bit later I bitterly rued that at the day of my birth I had not been endowed with the gene Xq28.
Note, please, that in this whole post I have been described the way things are but not necessarily how they ought to be. I think that in several respects, both men and women can run into serious troubles through such as dating strategy.
But this will be the topic of another post.
Here I'd be interested to know if you, as women, agree with my thesis, or think that a man is as likely to be successful using this approach.
If you agree, do you view this as a good or as a bad thing?
Cheers.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment